Not-So-Instant Karma: Let’s Go Phillies!

You may remember, back in July, when the Phillies and Rockies played in Colorado, there was a bit of a rainstorm. The grounds crew had a bit of trouble with the tarp — due to the ridiculous winds — and, ta da, the Phillies came out to help ‘em out. And know who didn’t help? The Rockies, those fucks. Only LaTroy Hawkins did anything to help the grounds crew while the 25 guys on Philadelphia’s roster (and even the freakin’ umpires) helped out.

And you know what the Phillies need today? Your cheering. I’m going to the game, so I won’t be able to help you waste time at work. Fortunately, you have something much better: Playoff baseball in Philadelphia. So skip out, listen at your desk, make up an excuse, get sick, take a late lunch — even The Bellevue food court is going to have TVs with the game on it today — and let’s get the city’s first baseball playoff win since I was in sixth grade. Americans work too hard anyway; go enjoy your afternoon.

Hopefully, they won’t screw it up.