N.J. Scandals Just Not As Fun Anymore

There’s another scandal in the New Jersey governor’s office! People are angry! At Jon Corzine! And he may have done something wrong! Turns out, he gave his ex-girlfriend money.

Wait, that’s it? He’s not appointing his secret gay lover to a homeland security position or anything? Man, this is kind of disappointing. Ooh, he gave his ex-girlfriend money. Yawn.

Apparently, Corzine gave cash to union leader Carla Katz after their relationship ended in 2004 to end “ongoing financial connections,” whatever that means. Corzine says he won’t say what he gave her, but he would come up with an entirely “hypothetical” scenario.

In acknowledging to The Star-Ledger that there were other gifts, Corzine on Friday wouldn’t disclose exact details or amounts, but did indicate that they were more than tokens.

“If you were - I’m hypothesizing; I’m not stating anything - if you were going to pay a tuition bill or something over a period of time… you pre-funded it. I could have done that,” Corzine told The Star-Ledger.

But Corzine backpedalled when asked if that meant he paid for Katz’s children to go to a private school. “I’m not saying that at all,” he said.

So, instead of telling you what I actually gave my ex, I’m going to make up this scenario. That should help clear things up!

Corzine acknowledges more gifts to union boss ex-girlfriend [AP/Camden Courier-Post]

Corzine To Force Schools To Teach Kids About Memorial And Veterans Day, Material They’ll Promptly Forget

To the surprise of no one, Jon Corzine said today he will issue a conditional veto on a bill that would lift the requirement to teach kids about Memorial Day and Veterans Day.

As usual, the rhetoric was over-the-top. “We run the risk of having future generations take for granted the freedoms all of our veterans have secured for them,” said Assemblywoman Alison Littell McHose. “As a military wife, I know the sacrifices of veterans and their families have been far too great and many to leave this to chance.” No, Assemblywoman McHose — McHose? — I’m pretty sure we already take the freedoms and whatever else for granted.

Of course, not every veteran is being remembered by New Jersey. From the AP story:

Other holidays about which schools no longer would be required to teach include Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, Arbor Day and Commodore Barry Day, which commemorates Revolutionary War hero John Barry. But Coley said Veterans Day and Memorial Day are Corzine’s primary concerns.

You hear that, John Barry? Jon Corzine just said, “Screw you, Father of the American Navy!”

Corzine to veto bill on veterans commemorations in schools [AP/Philly.com]

Reason #38 To Love Philadelphia: Peter Capra

Okay, so Peter Capra’s from Jersey, but whatever. Recently, Capra sent postcards to Jon Corzine wishing death on politicians. He also sent postcards to the town council of Parsippany, N.J., and the pope. (I’m not sure his holiness is interested in who one man wishes is dead, but I digress.) Oh, and Capra didn’t just want politicians dead, he wrote that he prayed that “politicians are stoned to death.”

Right now you’re pretty much thinking this story can’t get any better. Well, here’s the text of his postcard:

I prey [sic] politicians are stoned to death and the goo flushed into the sewer.

When you stone someone, do you get goo left over? Ew.

Parsippany Council Vice President James Vigilante — he was going to become a cop but for his last name — notified the police, but they confirmed that the 77-year-old Capra wasn’t going to stone anyone to death anytime soon. (Vigilante overestimated Capra, saying he thought “prey” had a hunting connotation. In reality, Capra just spelled it wrong.)

Capra isn’t done. Last Thursday, the Morristown Daily Record got another postcard from Capra that read: “I’m still praying that politicians are stoned to death.” Apparently, he wants them stoned to death because of tax increases. “I don’t care what people think. I’m telling people what I think,” he said.

In case you’re wondering, I’ve already penciled in Capra for 2007’s People of the Year awards.

Angry postcards deemed not a threat [Camden Courier-Post]

A Tale Told By An Idiot, Or Possibly An Insane Person

By now you’ve probably heard about the New Jersey budget showdown, which pits democrat-against-democrat, brother-against-sister, governor-against-the-legislature. Since the senate did not pass a budget by the July 1 deadline, Gov. Jon Corzine has ordered a government shutdown, which closes — take a deep breath — casinos, beaches, parks, racetracks, the DMV, state courts, vehicle inspection sites and the lottery.

The shutdown of the lottery is costing the state $2.2 million dollars a day — because if there’s one way to help the state escape its huge deficit, it’s to shut down money-making government services!

In a speech this morning, Corzine said he had no choice to shut down the government, as the state constitution requires such action if no budget is passed by the start of the fiscal year. It’s the old “Don’t blame me, blame the framers of the 1947 state constitution” defense.

This is a state constitution that also includes the line “No idiot or insane person shall enjoy the right of suffrage.”

As such, New Jersey is shuttered for the next few days, or months, or forever, at least until a budget is passed. All together now: If New Jersey closes and nobody except gamblers notice, did it really close?

Today, N.J. shutdown deepens [Inquirer]
New Jersey State Constitution [Wikipedia]

Leftovers: Fashion Show Fight

• Yes, this is what the man suspected in the death of police officer Gary Skerski was wearing when he robbed the bar. His skin, police say, is not quite as dark as the mannequin to the left. [6 ABC]

• Hundres of police responded to a fight that broke out after a fashion show (like rock concerts, fashion shows attract violence) at Dobbins High. Hundreds of criminals then robbed hundreds of houses. [NBC 10]

• Jon Corzine, meet Kevin Spacey. Surely, this meeting of the minds will one day produce some of the finest crap New Jersy commercials. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

• Surprise! The taxi drivers don’t want to be tracked every second they’re at work. Taxi passengers are planning a protest, attempting to get those cool sports ticker ads they have on top of taxis into the backseats of them. [Philly IMC]

More Pain At The Pump: New Jersey To Make You - Gasp! - Pump Own Gas?

As we enter Day x — where ‘x’ is a variable between 3 and 14 — of the Great Media Hype About High Gas Prices Of 2006, the politicians are all working hard to make sure that we possible voters know that they, too, know gas prices are high, and they’re going to fix it.

The highlight of this so far was a this report by Dana Milbank in the Washington Post, that compared how the Senators who wanted to be tough on big oil also, for the most part, drove gas guzzlers. (Also, they left several cars idling in the parking lot for periods of time. But of course.)

A little closer to home, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine is threatening to change the only thing that really made the Dirty Jerz different for all these years: You might have to pump your own gas. Or, at least, you’d be given the option to. Corzine says this proposal could save motorists about 5 to 6 cents on the gallon.

While the proposal is probably a good idea, you might be wondering how this is addressing the problem of high gas prices, when in fact it’s simply addressing the problem of, uh, having to pay people to pump your gas. Still, it seems odd to make people pump your gas, when in fact gas-pumping is one of the easier tasks for able-bodied people, right up there with self-service soda and petting a dog.

Naturally, the proposal has opponents, who are attacking everything from the aforementioned statement to State Sen. Joseph F. Vitale, who said that “[s]elf-service gas is discriminatory.” And, the move seems to actually supported by big oil companies, who would (assumedly) like to keep charging the same prices and pocket the extra pennies.

New Jersey is the only state besides Oregon that bans drivers from pumping their own gas. The chances of it joining the other 48 states in giving drivers the freedom to pump is about 1 in a million.

Corzine’s other proposal is to lower the speed limit to 55 miles per hour, which will probably be implemented right around the time when they change to the metric system and everyone’s driving hovercars.

Corzine pushes self-serve gasoline [Inky]
Going a Short Way to Make a Point [Washington Post]
Photo by Sister72

Apocalypse Philadelphia New Jersey: Governor Cannon

Hey, Jon Corzine, you just were inaugurated as the 54th governor of New Jersey.

How are you going to celebrate? Hmm? You’re going to have a party at Princeton’s airplane hanger of a gym? Ew, okay. I guess the state’s in dire financial straits, but, I mean, come on, Christine Whitman (remember her?) had a freakin’ snow-themed party at an airplane hanger. You’re going to hold it at a gym, and a really ugly gym at that?

Well, we have to do something more. How about a 19-cannon salute. I mean, what else would you do on this special day?

Corzine: ‘Hold Me Accountable’ [Camden Courier-Post]
Photo via CBS 3