Gov. Corzine’s Job As Safe As Ever

New Jersey’s fun time buckle-up governor, Jon Corzine, could be recalled this November, reports KYW 1060.

Of course, the radio station also reports that no one is really worried about this recall movement, and with good reason. The petition was filed by “[f]ormer Glen Ridge mayor Carl Bergmanson, along with his son and a cousin.” Whoo, a whole family wants to recall Big Jon! Of course, nowadays ballot petitions are usually million-dollar jobs for New York City guys in suits, but maybe they’ll get lucky and get the 1.2 million signatures by the end of June a recall petition would need to get on the ballot.

Plus, his last petition didn’t go so well: Bergmanson also started a drive to get Pluto reinstated as a planet. Keep on fighting the good fight, Mr. ex-Glen Ridge Mayor!

Push Underway to Give Gov. Corzine the Boot [KYW 1060]

Heroic Environmentalists Save, Kill Crabs

Hooray! Jon Corzine has officially banned harvesting horseshoe crabs! And here’s why:

a long-sought goal of environmental activists who say the crab’s eggs are needed to feed dwindling numbers of western Atlantic red knot shorebirds.

Woo-hoo! Environmentalists saved the crabs so they could be killed. The food chain in action! It’s pretty clear we’ve seen a 75 percent decline in red knots,” Corzine said.

Law bans horseshoe crab harvest [Gannett]

N.J. State Troopers Get Revenge On Public

Jon Corzine wasn’t the only victim of the Don Imus-caused highway wreck last month. The state troopers — a trooper was driving the car 91mph in the Corzine crash, and didn’t arrest Corzine on the spot for not wearing a seatbelt or something — have been under fire from the public as well, apparently.

Now, the troopers fight back.

Some state troopers, feeling they have been publicly ridiculed for the accident that almost killed Gov. Jon S. Corzine, appear to be plotting a ticket blitz against the public this month, followed by a slowdown in June, according to a chilling series of anonymous online postings.

This is what passes for chilling nowadays? Some random anonymous online messageboard posts by “20alphabravo” and “soundsgood” telling people if they speed they will be ticketed.

More »

Corzine Goes 5 Miles Above Speed Limit; Citizens Riot

Choose Your Own Adventure: Let’s say you’re a, oh, I don’t know, governor who recently got into a car accident. In the accident, your car was traveling 91 miles per hour and you weren’t wearing your seatbelt. Although you suffered serious injuries, you’re okay, and you’re finally leaving the hospital.

To leave the hospital in a car obeying all traffic laws, turn to page 36.
To speed away from the hospital so you don’t miss the next episode of 24, turn to page 57.

Guess which one Jon Corzine chose?

This is a pretty simple question, since I wouldn’t be writing about Corzine had he left the hospital by obeying all traffic laws. Yes, the New York Times reported Corzine was clocked going 70 on the highway for several minutes at a time, while speed limits were 55 and 65.

Now, 70 miles per hour isn’t really all that fast, especially in a 65 mph zone. But you’d think your driver would, just this one time, go about 5 mph below the speed limit, since, oh, I don’t know, the New York Fucking Times might report about you speeding home from Cooper University Medical Center. (And then other papers would pick it up.)

I can only agree with a commenter on Philly.com, who expressed this sentiment, bad grammar aside (just [sic] the whole thing):

He should of been paralyzed from the waist down! Maybe then he would of learned is lesson.

Uh, yeah.

Report: Corzine speeding after leaving hospital [Inquirer]

Angry Blogger Makes Citizen Arrest Or Something

While Jon Corzine is doing better and recovering from his car accident (caused by Don Imus), he might have to dig deep into his pockets sometime soon.

A blogger by the name of GadFly actually left his house and issued a citizen seat-belt complaint against the governor.

Wait, you can do this? Can I go cite Ed Rendell for saying he drives around 80? Anyway, the ticket for driving (or riding in the passenger seat) without a seatbelt is $46, which should be pretty tough for the multimillionaire governor to pay.

On his blog, Gadfly — aka Larry Angel — discussed the citizen complaint. To note, his blog contains the following phrases: “THE CORRUTP [sic] MULLICA 5 AKA IDIOTS R US,” “glen THE AUTO INSURANCE FRAUD KING forman,” “jimmy THE ETHICALLY CHALLENGED curcio,” “steve THE SCOFFLAW waszen.” I don’t know who these people are, but it seems they’re all pretty evil.

His post about the seatbelt complain:

The statue of Justice is blindfolded as a symbol that laws are enforced impartially…that Lady Justice does not peek, to see how thick one’s wallet is or the color of one’s skin. Given the minor nature of the fine for not wearing a seat belt the State Police do a disservice to us all in not citing the Governor…as such inaction allows the perception of special treatment. It is further noted that the following day a seat belt ticket was signed by larry THE MISANTHROPIC PEDANTIC S.O.B. angel with the cooperation of Galloway officials.

Hm. Good… good to know.

Subject: Buck(l)ing the system [Gadfly]
Corzine gets citizen seat-belt complaint [AP/Philly.com]

Breaking: Jon Corzine Declares Self Messiah

Jon Corzine didn’t give any interviews yesterday, but he did allow himself to be photographed by an Associated Press photographer. Fortunately, he’s out of the ICU, looks pretty good, and hopefully he can recover and move on and buckle his seatbelt or whatever.

He will, of course, since he’s apparently the second coming:

“I’m the most blessed person who ever lived,” Corzine told an Associated Press photographer taking his picture at Cooper University Hospital in Camden.

Pfft. Clearly, Corzine has never heard of Barbaro.

Corzine shows he isn’t flat on his back [Inquirer]

Finding Sex In A Haystack

You might think the media — and the public, clamoring for it, of course — wouldn’t able to figure out a way to get sex into the Jon Corzine crash coverage. As much as we’d all like it, he wasn’t giving the driver roadhead — or was he? — and so it was just a simple crash.

Naw, just kidding. Detective Sgt. Michael Mathis, of Berkeley Heights, N.J., told The Star-Ledger he had, shortly before the crash, emailed the state trooper driving the car, confronting him with an allegation the trooper, Robert Rasinski, had a two-year affair with his wife, Susan.

Oh ho ho! Wait, what does this have to do with the crash again? Oh, Mathis thinks Rasinski might’ve crashed after reading the email or something.

Of course, whenever there’s a scandal in New Jersey, there’s nothing to do but contact a Monkee and have him defend the trooper:

Davy Jones, president of the State Troopers Fraternal Association, blasted Mathis’ allegations yesterday and called them “dogpile.”

Little did you know: Mike Nesmith is currently heading up the Albany Firefighters’ Union. He uses a lot of liquid paper in his position there.

Did Corzine’s driver get an e-mail?

Driver Who Can’t Get Speeding Ticket Drives Fast

Breaking news out of New Jersey for those of you who can’t put two and two together: The driver of Corzine’s car was speeding during the accident that injured the governor.

The state trooper was going 91 miles per hour on the Garden State Parkway or possibly the New Jersey Turnpike. (There’s no word if the driver was the same one who used to drive Gov. Rendell 100 mph on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, but one can assume each gubernatorial administration has its own speedy driver.)

There’s really not much else to this story, except this:

State Police Superintendent Col. Joseph “Rick” Fuentes said troopers driving governors have discretion whether to speed or use their lights in emergency situations or to avoid standing traffic for security reasons.

He refused to say whether Corzine’s trip from Atlantic City to Princeton for a meeting at the governor’s mansion between fired radio personality Don Imus and the Rutgers University women’s basketball team constituted an emergency.

Yes, leaving the city where you can do coke off a hooker’s ass for, like, $10 to mediate a debate between the Cryptkeeper and a basketball team that got embarrassed in the championship game is most importantly an emergency.

Corzine’s van going 91 mph before accident [Camden Courier-Post]

Breaking: American Driver Doesn’t Wear Seatbelt

In case you haven’t heard, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine would have been in better condition today but he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. (New Jersey has already rolled out a new ad campaign, at right.) The guv is expected to be okay, though he’s going to be in a wheelchair for about six months. Corzine is having two more surgeries, but he should be able to walk normally in several months.

But maybe this isn’t some sort of seatbelt-related mishap. As CBS 3 reported earlier today, the previous two elected governors, Christine Whitman and Jim McGreevey, also broke their leg while in office:

The injury to Corzine’s left leg means that the last three people elected to serve as New Jersey governor have all broken a leg while in office. Fellow Democrat James E. McGreevey broke his left leg during a nighttime beach walk, while Republican Christie Whitman broke her right leg while skiing in the Swiss Alps.

Only Richard Codey, again the acting governor, was spared the fate due to assuming the position, not campaigning for it. He better just continue as Senate president, only filling in as governor due to mishaps.

Update: Bruce Gordon, on the Fox 5 O’Clock News — with KLH, natch — just said: “In the short term, Codey must deal with a major storm, a nor’easter, bearing down on the Garden State this weekend.”

Report: Gov. Corzine Was Not Wearing Seatbeat [CBS 3]

Don Imus Continues To Attack New Jersey

Don Imus continued his relentless attack on New Jersey yesterday during a meeting originally thought to be simply a meeting between the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team and Imus.

On the way to moderate the meeting, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine was seriously injured in a hit-and-run car accident. A red pickup truck cut off a Dodge Ram, which swerved in front of Corzine’s vehicle. Police are looking for the driver of the red pickup, and are suggesting N.J. residents go on a vigilante spree of citizen justice against anyone driving a red pickup truck.

Corzine suffered a multitude of broken bones, and his femur apparently broke through his skin, but he’s expected to be okay. Dick Codey is the acting N.J. governor, ah, again, until Corzine is recovered enough to get back to governin’.

Meanwhile, police are investigating how much culpability Don Imus has in the situation, working on the theory the meeting with the Rutgers’ women’s team was a setup in order to get to Corzine and injure him for perceived injustices against Imus. Police are also looking into theories that Imus is the real, real father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby and he has been posing as various members of the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen in the first nine games of the season.

Corzine hurt in crash [Inquirer]
[Photo and caption from CNN.com]