Gary Papa’s Emotional Moment

Hey, so here’s Action News‘ Gary Papa on the 6 o’clock news last night, getting emotional after Eagles coach Andy Reid visits CHOP. Aww, Gary! After the commercial break, though, Jim Gardner makes it all better by joking that Gary was just upset because someone repossessed his car.

Also notable is Reid’s comment to the media on the kids at Children’s Hospital of Phialdelphia: “They’re fired up and ready to go.” He can’t even stop using sports clichés during off hours! I can only imagine he followed that up with, “They really gave it 110 percent, took it one game at a time. Injuries: Well, this one kid has leukemia, another has cancer–clears throat–time’s yours.”

If YouTube is blocked at your work, here’s a Redlasso clip.

Michael Nutter Wins Mayoral Election

With 0% of the precincts reporting and polls not closed for 12 days and 20 hours, Philadelphia Will Do is declaring Michael Nutter the winner of the Philadelphia mayoral election. Nutter’s victory caps an incredible comeback that saw him at, like, Dwight Evans-type numbers in early 2007, yet he outsmarted everybody else on the way to primary and general election victory.

In an Oct. 25 Daily News/Keystone poll, Nutter led Taubenberger 83 percent to 8 among likely voters, but likely clinched the mayor’s office on May 15, the day of the Democratic primary. Nutter faces many challenges during his term in office, including a city pension plan in crisis, a high murder rate and a city that’s kinda dirty and, apparently, full of ugly people.

Philadelphia Will Do congratulates Michael Nutter on his impressive general election victory.

Poll: Nutter in a rout & some Dems are worried [Daily News]
Tuesday: DIY News: Philadelphia Ranked [First/Last/Low (Whatever Is Worse)] In [Arbitrary Category] In Survey By [Random Magazine]

Great Moments In Hilarity

Today marks the annual “joke issue” in the Daily Pennsylvanian — of course, never on April 1 — a fine publication that I dedicated approximately 100% (margin of error ±5%) of my time in college to. In the tradition of all former DP editors, I’d like to go on record as saying that our joke issue was much funnier.

The real best joke of the day, however, comes in a fake column by Maureen Rush, head of Penn’s public safety. As you know, Penn was hit with a bit of a crime wave earlier this year, and Rush’s fake column blames various groups for it, including:

The Jews: Zionist fascists bankroll the steady stream of cocaine to our nation’s poor neighborhoods, fueling drug-related crime activities. So it’s the Jews who are really behind this — and every — crime wave.

In light of these revelations, it seems that I’ve been right all along: Safety and security are shared responsibilities. So do your part by embracing my final solution to our crime problem.

Ha ha! Get it! The “Jews” are the reason for the crime wave, so there has to be a “final solution”! Ha ha! Whoo, isn’t that a thigh-slapper? What, there wasn’t room for a “This recent American Indian crime wave is turning the walk home into a ‘Trail of Tears’” joke?

Sgt. Maureen Rush: Keeping safe, keeping it real [DP]