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Jul
18
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The pay toilet that has been letting you shit on City Hall since last November will soon have a bunch of friends in town: The City of Philadelphia will soon choose from one of three companies to install street furniture in the city.
The street furniture — benches, bus stops, newsstands, honor box corrals, trashcans, advertising kiosks (sadly) and, of course, toilets — will make whichever company wins the bidding a lot of money from advertising. The city will get a bunch of money, too, which will be evenly distributed among city citizens and also given to the poor. Or they’ll pave the sidewalks with platinum and buy John Street a space shuttle.
The city did ask the companies to create a uniform look for the city’s street furniture, so all our ads will be color-coded. The company who wins the right to put giant ads in Center City will also be allowed the right to complain about Frost/El Toro and Bob Will Reign, who aren’t big companies paying for the right to put graffiti in the city.
Meanwhile, one of the bidders is a group that includes Clear Channel and two former press aides to Mayor Street. I look forward to their ugly street furniture.
Ads to adorn Phila.’s new shelters, benches [Inquirer]
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dmac | 3:19 PM | 2 Comments
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Jul
6
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The Daily News‘ Gar Joseph today asks all the local politicians if they’re going to purchase an iPhone. It seems that even the city’s rich guys aren’t going to throw away $600 and $50 a month to be a beta tester for Apple. (Republican mayoral candidate Al Taubenberger did recently purchase a blackberry because “Mayor Street told [him] to.” Hee hee!)
But Bob Casey’s spokesman’s response is strangest of all:
U.S. Sen. Bob Casey. Casey has a BlackBerry, but no plans for an iPhone. Spokesman Larry Smar calls Casey “technological in a business sense,” adding, “I don’t expect him to buy a Nintendo Wii or anything like that.”
Bobby, are you kidding me? You gotta try Wario Ware. I don’t know if I can be confident in a politician who doesn’t want to use a his controller to shoot zombies and strangle gangsters, as well as defeat Gannon once again. Don’t forget, Casey’s home state does include Princess Zelda’s hometown, the mythical land of Hyrule.
Clout | Hot off the wire: The iMayor dials alone [Daily News]
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dmac | 12:02 PM | 3 Comments
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Jul
2
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Three presidential candidates — John Edwards, Hillary Clinton and Dennis Kucinich — will be in Philadelphia today, speaking at an ACORN event at the Bright Hope Baptist Church in North Philly.
At the event, the politicians will pander to whatever ACORN wants them to say, and everyone will leave all warm and fuzzy, knowing full well Philadelphia will vote 80+ percent for the Democratic nominee anyway. While Clinton is in Philadelphia today, she will also receive the endorsement of Mayor John Street, which is about the equivalent of getting the endorsement of the Recorder Lady. Street’s endorsement is expected to derail her campaign and plummet her support levels to lower than notorious rock-thrower Mike Gravel.
Dennis Kucinich, who was not mayor of Cleveland when the river caught on fire, and John Street, who was mayor of Philadelphia when he and Michael Nutter turned LOVE Park into a world-famous tourist destination into a giant concrete slab, will have a debate tonight over which one is the worst big city mayor in American history. Street will win the debate when it’s discovered that Cleveland isn’t really a big city.
Update: Street endorsed her! Photographic evidence from a loyal reader:
Clinton, Edwards, Kucinich visiting Phila. today [Inquirer]
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dmac | 12:49 PM | 2 Comments
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Jul
1
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As you can tell from this exclusive picture of Mayor John Street’s iPhone, his 15-hour wait in line wasn’t all for naught. The special iPhone the mayor purchased is customized specifically for the City of Philadelphia, with options that snitch, fund SEPTA and lower fares, remove all illegal guns from the streets, fix the Philadelphia public schools, fund city pensions and get the Phillies some pitching help.
The mayor’s iPhone fetish angered angry bloggers and other angry bloggers on Friday, making Philadelphia wonder just what John Street would have done to end the tide of murders in this city on Friday, or at least what more he would have done than someone calling him a fuckhead in an entry in WordPress. I get it; the iPhone incident is a good example of why John Street’s second term as mayor has been much less successful than New Coke.
The only person to come out good here is none other than ineligible mayoral candidate Larry West, who used John Street’s failed publicity stunt as his own publicity stunt, getting on the news and in an Associated Press story, although unfortunately none of the stories mentioned his mayoral candidacy.
But enough of this; it could have been worse. In Washington, D.C., Mayor Adrian Fenty purchased four iPhones after not even waiting in line, leaving customers at the end of the line iPhoneless.
Larry West owns mayor Street, gets on the news [Phillyblog]
DC Mayor Gets His iPhones Delivered; Suck It, Philadelphia! [Wonkette]
Friday: This Kind of Sums Up Eight Years Of John Street
Friday: John Street In Revenge Of The Nerds
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dmac | 12:45 PM | 0 Comments
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Jun
29
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Speaking of John Street, there’s a nice little screw you to him in the upcoming Tony Hawk’s Proving Ground, the 79th (I think) installment in the skateboarding video game series. And by “a nice little screw you,” I mean “a completely rendered version of the new LOVE Park that can be skateboarded on.”
See, suburban white kids? You can have you revenge on John Street after all. Well, you know, kinda. Hey, if you can’t do it in real life, then do it in a video game. I guess that works for Grand Theft Auto, too.
Tony Hawk 9: Love Park?! [Planet Tony Hawk]
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dmac | 11:57 AM | 1 Comment
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Jun
29
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Earlier this week, I read an excellent column from The Star-Ledger about Newark Mayor Cory Booker. Booker is alerted on his Blackberry anytime there was another homicide in the city. He also is willing to go to jail to protest the pointless War on Drugs. (The only war currently going worse than Iraq!™)
Our mayor, John Street, is similar in a lot of ways. He, too, has a Blackberry. And he is willing to wait in line for an iPhone on 16th Street. He’s been there since 3:30 a.m.
“I want to know the kind of things that are on the market,” Street told KYW 1060. “I believe that we are a city that’s leading the way in many respects in the use of technology. We got a late start in this city but we’re trying to catch up…. I might be able to learn something here with the use of this technology that might help us in the city.”
That’s right: John Street is going to fix the city with his downloads of White Stripes MP3s. Of course, the mayor has to do things like, oh, I don’t know, be the mayor of the city, and the iPhone doesn’t go on sale until 6 p.m., so he’s going to be signing all his important papers (or whatever the hell a mayor does) while waiting in line for his phone.
He also has to leave for a few events during the day and will have someone sit in his chair. Please, please, please let it be a homeless guy I’m friendly with so I can steal his seat. Actually, wait: There’s Wi-Fi there, isn’t there? I could blog from John Street’s folding chair. Well, maybe not. Either way, Street will be cutting in line since he has to leave to go cut ribbons.
“We live in a geeky little world here,” Street said to Mike DiNardo. “Times have changed dramatically. It used to be the people seen as geeks were kind of looked down upon. But not anymore!”
Hm. I’m a little torn here. I do think the mayor should have better things to do than wait in line for an iPhone. However, if I were mayor — I had photos of all the other candidates with Shetland ponies who were not their wives — I’d totally get an iPhone. I might work on that homicide problem, too, though.
Update: Photographic proof.
Mayor Street in line for iPhone [KYW 1060]
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dmac | 9:05 AM | 6 Comments
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May
15
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And here we go.
We’ve been through Milton Street singing on top of a casket. We’ve had Bob Brady tell us elephants will return to the zoo in his administration. We’ve had Tom Knox promise not to show movies at Dilworth Plaza. We’ve had Dwight Evans ask us not only where the beef is, but also tell us his crime record is beefy.
Michael Nutter told us he’d be opening up a shop to sell Philly-themed merchandise. Chaka Fattah brought out Shaft to attempt to win our votes. Bob Brady didn’t know how a pension works. (That’s okay, Bob, most of Philadelphia doesn’t know what “vested” means either.) Tom Knox didn’t know what Gilligan’s Island was.
A guy in a shark costume told us not to vote Tom Knox. (He disappeared after Frank Keel got in the way and is presumed dead.) PW told you to vote for the mayor that looks good with a big nose and glasses. Jim Kenney predicted voters would vote for the guy they saw on the teevee most, and he may have been right.
The gay newspaper endorsed Brady. The bilingual one endorsed Knox. Every candidate told us he was just like us! Queena Bass continued to run for mayor while homeless man Jesus White took his first shot at the ballot. People got angry on messageboards and blogs. Websites were trolled. Accusations of racism were flung. These things happen.
Sam Katz told us the mayor’s race would be close, then positioned himself for an independent run, then told us it’d be Nutter in a landslide. Sam Katz will be here to kick around for a while.
Fattah told us Mike Nutter had to remind himself he’s African-American. (And Milton Street said Nutter was the Watermelon Man.) Somebody told us Knox was a good Catholic while Brady and Nutter didn’t go to Catholic church anymore.
After today, it will — let’s pray — all be over and some rich guy will be in position to lead the city for eight years, unless Al Taubenberger has photos of the eventual winner with a donkey who is not his wife. It might be the union guy or the poverty guy or the smart guy or the really rich guy or the “Who’s the beef?” guy.
Hey, look at it this way: It won’t be John Street.
It’s election day! If you see anything exciting at the polls, notice a news anchor flashing viewers, find a funny campaign sign and/or anything else ridiculous, drop me a line at dmac [AT] philadelphiawilldo [.] com. If the day is exciting enough, I’m hoping youse can do my job for me. Then I can put my feet up.
[.pdf of Milton logo]
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dmac | 6:50 AM | 0 Comments
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May
11
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Yesterday, the Inquirer reported John Street tried — and failed — to raise money for the anti-Michael Nutter ad campaign.
And as Street begins his final months in office, it’s clear he’s ripe for many moments of Milton-like inanity in the coming months, if his conversations with the press yesterday were any indication. KYW 1060’s Steve Tawa reports:
After a public event late Thursday morning, Mayor Street would not comment on the issue:
(Reporter #1:) “Mr. Mayor, may we talk to you about other issues?”
(Street:) “Not if the Inquirer’s around. I’ll talk later.”
(Reporter #2:) “I intend to be around, or someone for the Inquirer will.”
(Street:) “I will talk about it at another time.”
(Reporter #3:) “Before the election?”
(Street:) “Absolutely. I’ll let you know.”
To be honest, I don’t even know what the hell is going on here, except that John Street is attempting to simply not talk about anything if the most important media outlet in the city is there. Oh, and if the goings get tough, John Street gets going:
Moments later, he spoke to 1,600 people in the Convention Center, after which he refused again to comment to KYW, making his exit through a kitchen.
Mayor Refuses to Discuss Anti-Nutter Fundraising Calls [KYW 1060]
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dmac | 3:34 PM | 0 Comments
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May
10
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As the anti-Michael Nutter ad begins to air on some TV stations — there are now two versions of the ad, too! — the One Step Closer Nü-Metal PAC are beginning to attempt to find funding to keep that ad on the air ’til election day.
Of course, they didn’t exactly call on the best person to help. John Street attempted to do some fundraising for the campaign, and here was the result.
Shawn Fordham, a paid consultant to the “527″ group and a top adviser to Street, said yesterday that the mayor had made at least three telephone calls “a few days ago,” soliciting money for the group, known as One Step Closer.
Street’s spokesman, Joe Grace, confirmed that Street had made the fund-raising calls - though Fordham said no one Street had contacted agreed to donate.
Gee, the unpopular mayor — who most people probably don’t even know is still alive — couldn’t get people to donate to an anti-Mike Nutter group? No!
Anti-Nutter group has ties to the mayor [Inquirer]
The edited One Step Closer ad [The Next Mayor Blog]
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dmac | 10:14 AM | 0 Comments
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