Hey, look, the New York Times has its little fun times election map up, and you, too, can zoom in on Pennsylvania and be like, “Wait, Obama won Carbon County?! Yeesh.” And then you can laugh, laugh, laugh at John McCain ’til your lungs get tired.
Hey, since these new-fangled “blog” thingies let us break the traditional rules of journalism, let’s just go ahead and call the race! Yes, that’s right, based on fake leaked exit polls, common sense, fivethirtyeight, returns of 0% and fortune tellers, Philadelphia Will Do is declaring Barack Obama the new president of the United States. Congratulations, Barry! We all knew you had it in you.
Here, John McCain attempts a last-ditch effort to win the presidency with signs that say he is not for 28 more years of title-free baseball in this town. He is for a World Championship in 2008, and one in 2009, too. And 2010 and 2011 and 2012. Four more years of championships!
Here’s a video taken by some liberal activists outside a John McCain rally in Pottsville. (This was helpfully posted to Young Philly Politics by a user named “journalists4mumia.” Ha, ha!)
And — surprise! — people at a political rally are dumb and say dumb things. “Bomb Obama!” doesn’t even really make any sense. But the best quote is, naturally, “I don’t want to sound racist, but I don’t want a black man running my country.” Oh, now that’s just fantastic.
John McCain is a person who has given endlessly and unselfishly to his country, a person of unquestionable good character who understands the Middle East situation as only a military man who has suffered brutal torture can.
He understands the Middle East… as only a man who has been tortured brutally can!!
Wait, what?
This comes from an op-ed in the New Jersey Jewish News, always a daily read for me, of couse! And it contained a lot of awesome arguments so I’m going to make fun of it a bit more. As a bonus, a whole lot of people are making a lot of these awesome arguments, too! Let’s go over a few more awesome ones.
I have no idea why, but this photo keeps making me laugh. So I’m posting it.
According to this photo on the front page of Philly.com earlier today, Jimmy Rollins’ head is roughly twice the size of either John McCain’s or Barack Obama’s. Hmm, good to know.
KYW 1060 reports too many people have registered to vote, and so there will be a ridiculously long line at your polling place if you’re a college kid or something:
The Committee of 70 says 16 divisions in the city are way beyond the state limit for number of registered voters.
The group’s policy director, Sarah Stevenson, says those divisions are in center city, near Penn and Drexel in West Philly, and in the northeast: “The threshold in the state election code is 1200 voters per division. Some divisions here are just over 1,200, but some have three times as many voters.
The city says it can’t split the divisions this late in the game, so for some reason people in the Northeast will not be able to vote for ol’ McCain only if they stand in line for six hours. Ha ha, since when do Republicans have to wait in line to vote?
John McCain’s daughter, Meghan, was recently in Philadelphia stumping for dear old dad. She also stopped by McCain’s Bucks County headquarters and revealed her plan for literary world domination:
Meghan, who bears a striking resemblance to her mother, Cindy, recently authored a children’s book, “My Dad, John McCain,” and plans to write a satirical account of her campaign experiences after next month’s election.
She described the experience of watching her younger brother, Jimmy, deploy to Iraq two years ago as “a big motivator” to begin stumping with her father and to begin writing her blog.
Typical reaction, actually: Seeing a younger sibling go to war frequently causes the urge to blog. Seriously, go look it up. Anyway, I certainly cannot wait for her satirical account of the election. Ooh, maybe she can then write a couple episodes of Futurama like Al Gore’s daughter!
KYW 1060 reports 
John McCain’s daughter, Meghan, was recently in Philadelphia stumping for dear old dad. She also 
