Memo To Philly.com

Uhm, guys, you changed the front page photo. Uhm, I guess that’s a little better. But if you’re going the pageviews over journalism route, just plaster her tits all over the front page and be done with it. Had we but world enough, and time, this coyness, Philly.com, were no crime. But this is 2008 and there are boobs all over the Internet.

Philly.com Still Milking Dead Cow

All together now: WHO???

Looks like Tierneycorp’s Philly.com is going to continue to run with that Jocelyn Kirsch story, even though she’s in prison now and nobody cares about the dude.

To make things even better? Well, it appears Philly.com believes Edward Whatever was just a poor pawn of Jocelyn Kirsch, powerless to her magical chest of incredible size. Oh, whatever, that sounds like something the Philly.com commenters could get behind.

Sentencing today for Edward Anderton in fraud scam [Inquirer]

Jocelyn Kirsch: 5 Years

Well, look who’s plastered all over the front of Philly.com again today! Yes, Jocelyn Kirsch has been sentenced to five years in prison because she used a gun to assault a postal worker stole a lot of money and annoyed people.

“This sentence properly punishes the defendant, provides full restitution and protects the public,” the judge said at the end of the sentencing hearing. We, too, can all sleep easy tonight knowing that Jocelyn Kirsch will not be terrorizing our city’s streets anymore. Children can finally come outside and take back the street corners from our beloved Bonnie.

“A message must be sent out from this sentence that credit card fraud will not pay,” Judge Eduardo C. Robreno continued, and I do think we all learned a valuable lesson here, just like when Larry Mendte taught us all about the value of keyloggers the consequences of wire fraud.

The defense wanted fewer years due to Kirsch’s mental problems, but the U.S. Attorney argued against it: “This is not somebody who’se been in and out of mental institutions.” Let that be a lesson to you all: If you want to be commit several counts of aggravated identity theft and related charges, go in and out of a bunch of mental hospitals first, because then you’ll serve less time in jail afterward.

“I am a Drexel graduate and hope this idiot is no longer associated w/ our great institution,” writes a Philly.com commenter. “I hope she is sentenced for a very long time and they take real good care of her in prison.” There are also lots of, um, hilarious jokes about her being raped in prison. Yuk, yuk! And this is my favorite comment:

Jocelyn Kirsch gets 5-year sentence [Inquirer]

‘Bonnie’ Saga Over; Philly.com On Paxil

This is a mandatory post under Philadelphia blogging code 504(e)4.3.

Jocelyn “Bonnie” Kirsch pled (pleaded?) guilty to “aggravated identity theft” and other charges this morning, and will go to prison for two years. And then we never heard from her again.

Jocelyn Kirsch pleads guilty in ID theft case [Inquirer]

Jocelyn Kirsch Headed To Jail, Etc., Etc.

Hungry for content, Philly.com struck some sort of deal with a judge or the devil and now Jocelyn Kirsch is going to prison by 2 p.m. tomorrow. Huzzah, huzzah. Who was that dude’s name again?

If you don’t remember, Kirsch caused a storm all over BBSes about 30 years ago when she and her boyfriend (who?) were arrested for identity theft and related offenses. She was pretty cute and had a ridiculous body so everyone on the Internet kept searching for her. Newspapers and lazy bloggers picked up on this and posted a bunch about her.

Anyway, now she’s going to prison and won’t come out for a while. I guess this means this is the end of hearing about her for a few years, but I wouldn’t want to make that bet. Still, there is a chance there won’t be any more news on this until Kirsch agrees to pose for Playboy. Since the mag doesn’t confirm or deny rumors of offering people money to pose nude, let’s just go with this: Sources say Playboy has offered Kirsch $1 million to pose for the magazine! And, yes, I’m sure somebody’s already made this joke. Eh. Whatever.

Update: Oh, she surrendered to authorities at around 1:30. Fun times.

Jocelyn Kirsch ordered to jail [Inquirer]

Jocelyn Kirsch Now Being Sued

Hey, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in the news again! This time she hasn’t done anything newsworthy like work at a Starbucks or get charged with a felony. No, a stylist Jocelyn “Bonnie” Kirsch allegedly ripped off is suing her.

This was the greatest haircut of all time, apparently, since she’s suing for $50,000. Oh, I see: The suit says 25-year-old Jennifer Bisicchia “has had to endure emotional stress from the case.” So she totally deserves 50 grand! The hairstyling and extensions part of the lawsuit is a mere $2,500.

According to the lawsuit, Bisicchia also received angry text messages in the middle of the night! All of the following is [sic], of course:

HELLO JEN BISICCHIA. YOU DON’T KNOW MY NAME. BUT I KNOW YOURS. I ALSO KNOW UR NICE PLACE ON … ST AND HOW U GET HOME AT NIGHT. YOURE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT VISITORS AT UR DOOR. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE GOTTEN URSELF INTO. YOU SEEM LIKE A SMART GIRL. WALK AWAY NOW OR YOU WILL REGRET IT

After receiving that text, Bisicchia then made her boyfriend sit outside of her door, all night. He better get a cut of that $50k.

Payback time: Stylist behind ‘Bonnie’s’ tresses files suit [Daily News]

Jocelyn Kirsch Heading Directly To Jail

Hey, Jocelyn Kirsch is in the news again, and Philly.com has it on the front page. Whee! This time, it’s the Inquirer who has the goods: Apparently, prosecutors will seek a revocation of her bail, sending her to jail.

Kirsch, 22, the sometimes-violet-eyed beauty who captivated an international audience once tantalizing photos of her on vacation hit the Internet, had been scheduled to plead guilty this afternoon in U.S. District Court in Philadelphia.

But last night, the U.S. Attorney’s Office said that the plea hearing would be rescheduled and that a detention hearing would be held instead.

“The government will move to detain her,” said Assistant U.S. Attorney Louis D. Lappen, who declined to elaborate last night about the underlying reason for the detention request.

There’s also a poll asking how long Kirsch should go to jail for; “More than 15 years” is currently leading.

Prosecutors will seek to revoke bail for ‘Bonnie’ [Inquirer]

Daily News’ Photoshop Use Under Attack

The Daily News once again put Jocelyn “Bonnie” Kirsch on its cover yesterday, after she got in trouble again and was put on house arrest. The paper used one of the shots of her lounging at poolside, only they Photoshopped in an ankle bracelet on her. Get it?

This didn’t sit well with Kirsch’s lawyer, Ron Greenblatt, actually released a statement on the cover:

The Daily News continues to sink to a level below tabloid journalism. The use of a doctored photo on the cover of the second largest paper in the city of Philadelphia to give a deliberately false impression is disgraceful. I understand their job is to sell papers, but they should at least be held to minimal journalistic ethical standards.

And then NBC 10 did a whole story on it, complete with person-on-the-street interviews. DN Editor Michael Days — no stranger to answering controversy about political cartoons that are accidentally funny — said “[i]t’s just that kind of a story.” Yes, that’s about as good of a response as you can get.

Redlasso clip after the jump; NBC 10’s site has a clip too.

More »

‘Bonnie’ Back In Town, Naturally

Philadelphia favorite Jocelyn Kirsch is in the news again, and this time, it’s actually for a reason, and not just another media outlet’s long take on the story.

No, Kirsch faced accusations she stole a credit card in California; she’s allowed to head home (but she can’t leave it!) while waiting to make her guilty plea for all the original identity theft back here in Philly on June 5.

‘Bonnie’ accused of stealing credit card [Inquirer]

Jocelyn Kirsch Reaches Plea Agreement

The excellent, professional graphic at right from NBC 10 can only mean one thing: It’s time for a hearing for Jocelyn Kirsch and Edward Anderton!

Sadly, though, Kirsch’s lawyer has said she has reached a plea agreement, preventing us from witnessing the hilarity of a trial. But I suppose it’s good for her and her family or whatever. The Associated Press reported Kirsch will plead guilty to “two counts of aggravated identity theft, one count of bank fraud and one count of money laundering.”

The deal would include prison time. As we all know, prison is a perfectly easy way for rehabilitation and she will no doubt be a better person when she leaves. Or she’ll have joined the Latin Kings.

Lawyer: Former Student, ID Fraud Suspect Signs Plea Deal [AP/NBC 10]