Somebody Get This Kid A Job

It’s time for another Philadelphia Will Do Good Deed™! And by “another,” I most certainly mean “first.” Hey, there’s always time to be extra mean later in the day.

Our job hunter is Miguel, from Northeast Philadelphia. He recently posted on Phillyblog about his troubles in the job hunt:

Hello,

My name is Miguel, Im 16 Years Old.
I live In the Northeast Section Of Philadephia & Im just sick and tired of searching already!
I’ve apllied to so many places such as
Mcdonalds.Burger King,KFC,Taco Bell,Modells,The Children Place,Sears,K-mart, Wal-Mart,Target,Chucke E. Cheese,Sesame Place. etc.
Basicly….I Need A Job!!! ASAP!!
Where Else Can I Apply? That’ll Hire Me?

I wouldn’t hire him to punctuate your signs, but c’mon! Somebody has to have a job for this kid. Hell, somebody hire him to write a blog or something. Chop chop.

Need an Employer…? Here I Am!
Photo via glenpooh, Creative Commons license

Go To 76ers, Get A Job

Problem: The 76ers have won five straight and climbed into the playoff hunt, but still don’t attract any fans. Solution: Offer them jobs.

The job fair is on Wednesday, March 26th 2008 - doors open @ 3:00pm Stick around after career fair and watch the 76ers battle the Chicago Bulls. Your ticket includes admission into the job fair as well as a seat for the game.

It’s amazing that the career fair is billed first in this release. Tickets start at just $15, the same price as a 76ers game. It’s a decent deal, as all the teams are recruiting there, including the “Camden Rivers Sharks.”

76ers Career Fair [NBA Team Jobs]

Anonymous Comcast Employee Likes Job

Since every crackpot can now have a blog and be a “self-publisher,” there are plenty of people who spend their time obsessively chronicling the mundane details of a corporation or city (see: Philadelphia Will Do). Comcast is a popular target nowadays — aw, it’s the little local media company that could grow into a giant corporation — and has its own followers, which is cool and all.

Philly, Inc., though, points us to comcastrocks dot blogspot dot come, which is apparently a random Internet employee blogging in the name of the company. Since the company’s forayed into the field of astroturfing didn’t go so well last time, is this another attempt at gaining some Internet credibilkity? (Whatever that means.) The scoop: The writer of ComcastMustDie.com says it’s real.

And, the highlight of the so far three posts:

Life is so short and we have to realize that there are more important things for all of us to be working on. Comcast is a corporation that is bigger and more powerful than most of us. So why try to take it down and or bash there employees. There are other options we may not like then but they do exist.And for all of the employees that hate your job:QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She makes a good point: Life is more important than hating Comcast, though not by much.

comcast rocks dot blogspot dot com

Daniel McQuade Deathwatch: The Hunt Is On

If you missed the first edition of the Daniel McQuade Deathwatch, then you are missing out. To recap: Philadelphia Weekly is being sold. We don’t know to who yet, but right now the frontrunner appears to be Village Voice Media (née New Times Media).

VVM reportedly doesn’t want the other papers PW’s parent company, Review Publishing, owns — South Philly Review, Southwest Philly Review, Atlantic City Weekly. Perhaps Brian Tierney will snap those ones up instead; I don’t know. But, for now, things are in some sort of holding pattern. Or not. We don’t know here at PW!

But back on point: There is an outside — read: definite — chance that, under a new owner, I will be fired, or at least Philadelphia Will Do will be shut down. Some newspapers don’t like the idea of a blog without much original reporting commenting on the news, as these blogs tend to be popular no matter how bad they are (e.g., Philadelphia Will Do) and newspaper companies can’t have that.

Of course, I don’t know if I’m going to be fired; it’s mere conjecture on my part. Some of you might be saying, “But Dan” — or, possibly, “D-Mac” — “are you just doing this to perhaps shame your new bosses into not firing you?”

No… but… hmm. That’s a good idea.

More »

Dancing With The Slots

Applicants for the a casino job at Bensalem’s Philadelphia Park need to bring more than just a resume. They need to bring a pair of dancing shoes.

The new casino at the racetrack on Street Road is looking for applicants for various jobs and here’s the auditioning process:

Job applicants said they’re being asked to dance to “YMCA” or a Bon Jovi song — with blow-up guitar — during interviews at the Bucks County Visitors and Conference Bureau in Bensalem.

A casino official said Tuesday the park is pleased with the response to its unorthodox hiring method, but some prospective hires say the process is unfair… applicants learned they’d have to dance to “YMCA” or air guitar to Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer.”

[An applicant] said there were many senior citizens in the crowd, along with one man who had a prosthetic leg. She said she doubted they had ever heard of the songs they were supposed to perform.

Yeah, I mean, who ever heard of that obscure ditty “YMCA”?

Not the same old song and dance [Bucks County Courier Times]

Rocky Statue To End Homicides In Philadelphia

Friday night, Sylvester Stallone — and Frank! — showed up to dedicate the Rocky statue in its new place next to the Art Museum. (Saturday night around 10:30, there were about 25 people taking photos outside of it. It’s the new Liberty Bell!)

The unveiling didn’t attract the “hundreds of thousands” of admirers predicted, but it did draw about 3,000 people, as well as the Inquirer’s Michael Vitez, who wrote his 48th story in a week about the statue’s move.

Our fine mayor John Street was there, too. And he was eloquent as usual:

“I’m telling you, when we unveil this statue, and when it’s sitting here for just a few months, there’s going to be some people who find out just where the Philadelphia Art Museum is located,” Street said.

But that’s not all! Street said the statue wasn’t just a little movie prop on tucked into a formerly vacant spot at the end of the Parkway.

“This will be a huge attraction for the city of Philadelphia. One that will bring jobs, economic development, and will be a huge impact on the city.”

Indeed! Here’s a short list of just what jobs the Rocky statue will bring to the city:

• Statue polisher
• Statue cleaner
• Statue guarder
• Assistant statue polisher
• Supervisor to the statue guarder
• Director of statue management
• Superintendent of statue management
• Intern
• Special assistant to the superintendent of statue management
• Consultant

All with city benefits, of course.

‘Rocky and I thank you’ [Inquirer]
Archives: Rocky

Bonus! Our Fave Craigslist Postings Of The Day

• Are you looking for a new job? NBC 10 has an opening for an online news editor! The station is looking for someone “to write local stories, blogs, podcasts(from TV scripts, wire copy and interviews) and produce multimedia for NBC 10 (WCAU), located in the TV newsroom in, Bala Cynwyd, near Philadelphia.” Wait… online news editor… blogs… oh shit! Does this mean the end of Teresa Masterson?!?! Update: Hmm. It seems not. Phew.

• One of the best missed connections the world will ever read: “it seemed like we were hitting it off. but then I disappeared for a while and we didn’t get a chance to exchange numbers. you were tall, blond hair, wearing an abercrombie tank top. I was the girl in the blue halter top, who had sex with your friend.”

• Premium Mortgage is looking for a bilingual loan officer to give a loan to some very large Mexican immigrants who are going to hit Joe Vento over the head with foam bats.

• Someone searching for Craigslist for Hippies: “We are wondering if anyone knows of any similar types of websites like craigslist but with a kind of alternative slant to it, by alternative, we mean things like eco friendly, alternative energy, new agey, peace loving, spiritual, yoga, vegetarian, meditation, etc.. you get the picture.” Yes, because Craigslist is just spewing out carbon into the air 24/7, y’know?

• And, finally, a note from Raj Bhakta: “In response to Senator Biden’s callous remarks, the Raj for Congress campaign is asking you for $7.11.” Uhh, sure dude. Whatever.

Quickies: Achoo!

• Philadelphia has been named the 29th worst city in America for allergies. Uhh… boo? Yay? Okay, I’ll level with you: I have no idea what this means.

• Apparently, using MLB.com Gamecast during work hours can get you fired. In related news, America’s unemployment rate is now up to 75 percent. [The Ex 'Burgher via Deadspin]

• The Phillies shocked everyone last night by actually going out and winning a game at home, a 7-6 win over the Nationals in 10 innings. The Fightins are now a robust 2-6 at home this year. [Inky]

• Ahh, yes, China’s president’s visit to the White House was interrupted by a Falun Gong protestor, who was upset that, oh, I don’t know, the Chinese government is pretty horrible to them. Me, I’m just happy there’s finally a protest over something besides the war. [AP/CNN.com]

• Oh, yeah, and at 2 p.m. Donovan McNabb is doing a chat on ESPN.com. Feel free to ask him what style of Chunky Soup is best. [ESPN.com]

Attention Aspiring Charlie Manuel Impersonators!

Well, we have an Andy Reid impersonator. Why not a Charlie Manuel one? From Craigslist:

Actor needed for philly sports site

I need an actor who looks like Charlie Manuel, the manager of the Philadelphia Phillies to participate in comedy sketches. He must really resemble the Phillies manager. Also, the actor must be able to emulate his voice. [...]

I just hope he doesn’t get fired from the Phillies before we get a chance to churn out some material! Again, I only want an actor who looks like and can talk like the Philadelphia Phillies skipper.

Now this is a job. You think there wouldn’t be a market for Charlie Manuel impersonators, but then again, this is Philadelphia.

Actor needed for philly sports site [Craigslist]

Quickies: Blogging Just Can’t Win

• Money magazine lists the Top 50 Jobs and… blogger isn’t among them. Damn anti-blog dead tree media! [CNNMoney.com]

• A local auto dealership in Doylestown has had three tragic accidents, two fatal, in the past three years. Seriously, yikes. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• If you haven’t read the New Yorker piece about President Bush possibly attacking Iran with nukes — no, I don’t possibly think he could do that, could he? — you should give it a lookover. [The New Yorker]

• Just in time for the holidays next year, a kids’ book about the War on Christmas will be coming out. Ahh, yes, move over, you liberal Choose Your Own Adventure books! [Inky]