Bucks County Man Admits TRYING TO SELL MISSILES TO CHINA

Y’know, as a businessman or woman, the way to the top usually includes illegally selling missile parts to China. No, wait, I’m sorry, I’m reading the handbook wrong. You’re not supposed to illegally sell missile parts to an oppressive, U.S.-hating country unless they’re one of those oppressive, U.S.-hating countries we’re friends with right now. And, even then, you probably have to fill out a form or something.

That didn’t stop one Richboro man, though, from attempting to illegally sell missile parts to China. (What did we just tell you?!) Michael Dorfman admitted his role in the scheme yesterday in Newark.

The parts, though, didn’t reach China, as they were discovered by customs agents in 2004 in Port Elizabeth. The copmany Dorfman was vice president of, State Metal Industries, faces a $250,000 fine, while Dorfman himself faces five years in prison.

The parts will be melted down for scrap, while the Chinese totally just filed a dispute claim with eBay, since they never got their missiles.

Camden Company Admits Attempt To Sell Missile Parts To China [NBC 10]

In The Event Of Emergency, Please Go Nuts

Most Philadelphians laugh at the thought of being an attacked by terrorists here in our city. I mean, what terrorist in their right mind would actually attack a city of such middling influence as this one? And terrorists like the still at-large Osama seem to be concerned with attacking places that hurt the United States financially, not symbolic things like Philly has.

Still, we are a major American city, and terrorists are clearly stupid — and, remember, Oklahoma City was attacked once — so who knows what could happen. Having a little protection would be nice.

Unfortunately, the Department of Homeland Security has just cut funding for the five county metropolitan Philadelphia area — down $3 million to $19.5 mil — while the state of Pennsylvania went from $82 million last year to $49 million this year.

A cover story in Metro (not online) quotes a Street spokesman saying that several ongoing programs, including “mass care sheltering” — providing, uh, shelter and care for a large number of people in the event of a catastrophe. The state hasn’t decided how it’s going to divide up the money yet, and Chaka Fattah says we should get more funding.

It could, though, be worse. New York City is going to get $83 million less than last year.

Blogicized: Tolling the bell, or a similar bad pun, &c.

• With David Bell getting older and less healthy, could he really be done? Maybe that’s why he always looks so sad. [Beerleaguer]

• If you pay your credit card bills too well, Homeland Security might need to know. [The 14th Windiest State]

• This Friday at the Kimmel: “You can’t tell me you’re going to miss Beethoven 7, Strauss Til and Carter & Lieberson??????” Well, are you??? [Kimmel Center Blog]

• Celebrities die; one man writes edgy funny obits. [Johnny Goodtimes]

• A Philadelphian is fighting obesity one Hadoken at a time. [Phillyist]

Any (Arab) port in a storm

All the national newscasts were in an uproar yesterday over lawmakers who had questioned selling several major Atlantic Ocean ports to a company controlled by the United Arab Emirates.

Now, I thought we were boys with the UAE: They don’t support terrorism, they’re pretty “Westernized” — and most importantly they’re effing rich, and there’s nothing this administration loves more than rich people, even if they’re not white.

Well, the administration did approve the deal, but, then again, it was improved by the Homeland Security Department, and we all know how good of a job they did during Hurricane Katrina.

All the lawmakers hit the talk shows yesterday, talking points in hand, to attack the approval of the deal, in a hope that those Arabs, no matter how united their emirates may be, don’t get to control American access ports.

Nevermind that the ports will probably still be staffed by the same people if the deal goes through. We’re living in a post-9/11 world, where it’s okay if security sucks as long as it’s a black or white person.

On a side note, what if they do try to ship in, say, Osama Bin Laden, into Philadelphia, one of the ports that would be Arab-run? We’ll just crack open the package and, whammo!, Bin Laden taken alive!

Lawmakers question Arab-run ports [AP/Philly.com]
Bin Laden Vows Never to Be Captured Alive [AP/ABC News]