Holy Family U. Shows Catholic-Style Forgiveness

Northeast Philadelphia’s Holy Family University has a new rule in place for its students: Park off campus three times and you’re expelled. Even if you go to confession!

Yes, it’s not bad grades or killing a teacher that will get you expelled, it’s parking in the neighborhood. The new rule is a result of a deal City Councilman Brian O’Neill brokered with the school, allowing it to build a new dorm, parking garage and business school.

Neighbors across Frankford Avenue were worried students at the once-commuter school would be parking in their neighborhood, so they came up with a draconian policy to let students know just what the real world is like: Ridiculously stupid and full of idiots!

The first time a student parks off campus, it’s a $100 fine. The second time, the car will be towed. The third time, it’s expulsion, and if you think that’s a little overboard, I’m sure the fine residents across the street from Holy Family were actually pushing for the guillotine for the first offense. Parking in Far Northeast Philly will cause nuclear holocaust one day, just wait.

Want to Get Rid of a Truckload of College Students? Try This! [Heard in the Hall]

Possible Reasons Holy Family University Decided To Sponsor The Phillies Ballgirls This Season

• Holy Family is the Phillie Phanatic’s alma mater
• The expanding college is installing a satellite campus inside Harry The K’s
• Catholic charity for such a bad, bad baseball team
• Honoring the school’s longtime president with a giant hot dog and butterscotch krimpet just wasn’t enough
• Hot Phillies ballgirls to be associated with college with high female population in minds of 12-year-old boys
• New study revealed 75 percent of college applicants make decision based on zany sponsorships
• Phillies ballgirls are actual Holy Family graduates, and this was the best job they could get (rimshot)

Southwest Airlines customers returning from Florida to receive surprise welcome from Phillies on Friday [Phillies.com]
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