Tour Guides Tell Hilarious Lies

Our city will soon face the long arm of the Tour Guide Gestapo, and for that we have City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown to thank. But we also have local historian Ron Avery, who testified in favor of the tour guide regulations that will brand all certified tour guides with flair.

He submitted to Heard in the Hall a list of 84 falsehoods he’s heard tour guides say, which is kind of a lot of work to do for tour guide regulation research. Do you think he’ll open a tour guide regulation test prep service?

Some of these lies are pretty awesome, and I submit we should pretend they are true anyway. Go forth, people, and spread these awesome tall tales!

• Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the name of streets. So Pine Street was lined with pine trees etc.
• It’s called Society Hill because Penn gave it the Society of Freemasons.
• Dr. Rush responsible for death of George Washington. He bled him so much and gave him cough medicine with mercury.
• Ben Franklin had 80 illegitimate children all in Sweden.

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Marijuana Eradicated From Philadelphia Streets

Sorry, pot smokers! A City Line bust of particularly potent marijuana has completely shut down the supply of marijuana in Philadelphia, and it simply won’t be available anymore. Score one for the War on Drugs!

Philadelphia police arrested 24-year-old Michael Cascioli and say they seized $1.4 million worth of marijuana and ’shrooms from his City Ave. apartment. The cops also say the seized marijuana was of the AK-47 variety, which is, like, almost as good as Purple Haze. (Or maybe it’s better? We got a copy of The Big Book of Buds: Volume 3 (really) in the office recently, so perhaps I will scan though and take a look.)

The MJ was destined for rich Main Line pot smokers, so between this and the Reid kids, white drug users are under attack from the government.

Anyway, the cops wasted six weeks on this investigation because it’s for the children, according to this hilarious lie in the CBS 3 report:

Police said the drugs would typically end up in the hands of wealthy teens who would often end up in the hospital due to the potency of the pot.

Anyway, with this bust, the War on Marijuana is finally over. Marijuana no longer exists, at least in Philadelphia; we’ve finally won the war. Sales of Teddy Grahams are expected to plummet.

Police Seize Million-Dollar Drug Cache in City Ave. Apartment [KYW 1060]
Potent Pot Seized In Million Dollar Drug Bust [CBS 3]