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Jan

25

Mint Prohibition Doesn’t Work!

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What have I been telling you people? When you try to ban mints, the only people helped are the illegal mint sellers. How else to explain, a day after Hershey’s pulled the plug on Jill Porter’s crack cocaine mints, the plethora of listings on eBay for the “discontinued, limited edition” mints. On the street, Hershey’s mints go for about $2.19. But now that they’ve been forced to the black market, the mints are selling for close to 10 bucks (plus shipping) with several auction days to go.

Now our children are going to buy the mints online, replace them with real drugs and sell the fake mints to their friends, who will respond with a hail of bullets. Sound far-fetched? This was one of the reasons the company banned the mints that somehow “glorify the drug trade.” Really. People actually said that.

Apparently the crusade wasn’t limited to Philadelphia, although Philly was apparently the only city to call for Hershey’s to remove “Ice Break Pacs,” whatever they are. The Daily News gloats today over its great triumph for humanity.

Meanwhile, the activists are not happy, and are still boycotting Hershey products. I urge all good Philadelphians to smoke a little crack for ol’ Milton Hershey and his crack cocaine mints tonight. RIP, Ice Breaker Pacs.
 
dmac | 10:53 AM | 2 Comments
City Council, Crack Cocaine Mints, Drug Prohibition, eBay, Hershey's, Mint Prohibition, WTF
 

Jan

24

Drug Problem Eliminated By Hershey

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Rejoice, Americans! A loosely-affiliated coalition of newspaper columnists, corrupt drug prohibitionists and other various annoying people have finally succeeded in outlawing Hershey’s Jill Porter brand crack cocaine mints, as the company announced for some reason today it wasn’t making any more. Don’t worry, these people will most certainly take credit for Hershey’s 65% fourth-quarter profit drop.

Even though that had already been decided, I thought, Porter’s crack cocaine mints are now officially done for as Hershey’s CEO announced on a conference call they wouldn’t be made ever again. So now these things-look-like-drugs people can turn their attention to oregano and chalk, and these mints that somehow “glorify the drug trade” will no longer terrorize our communities.

I’m sure the narcotics officers are gleeful. Now they can breathe easy and go back to arresting black people like they usually do!

Hershey Pulls Mints That Look Like Illegal Drugs [Fox News]
 
dmac | 1:57 PM | 5 Comments
Crack Mints, Drug Prohibition, Drugs, Hershey's, Jill Porter