Look How Awesome Phillymag Used To Be

I got Phillymag’s December issue, the one with the top 100 moments in the last 100 years, in the mail yesterday. The above is included in their “misses” section, where the magazine chronicles all the horrible failures it has made in the past 100 years. (It’s by far the best part of the issue.)

Above: Several Phillymag drug articles, which they claim to want to take back. Personally, what seems most embarrassing is writing a feature story about crack in 1994. That’s four years after Bugs Bunny, Garfield and the cartoon version of Alf successfully ended the crack panic with Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue. Geeze.

Heroin Dealers You Can Believe In

Hey, kids, do you like Barack Obama? Probably, at least a little, this site’s demo skews young and nobody under 35 even knows who John McCain is. And do you like heroin? Well, no, probably not, if you’re reading this site you most likely prefer your opiates in convenient pill form. But no matter. If you like narcotics and you like Barack Obama, do I have a drug dealer for you!

Authorities in Wilkes-Barre found 240 heroin packets stamped with “OBAMA 09″ and a likeness of Barack Obama during a raid last week.

Police said [some arrested person] also used the residence at 302 Hazle Ave., Wilkes-Barre, where the heroin packets stamped “OBAMA 09″ were found in the basement, Noonan said.

“I’ve never seen a stamp like that before,” Frank Noonan [of the state attorney general's office] said. [...] “Once you have a heroin customer, you have a daily customer,” Noonan said, adding that heroin is more addictive than other illegal substances.

Noonan said there is an increase of heroin trafficking in the Wyoming Valley due to demand.

Don’t quotes like that just make you love American hard news writing? I know that’s what it does to me. Anyway, yes, heroin you can believe in, change to Barack Obama-brand heroin, hope your next shot of it isn’t your last, etc. Did I get them all? I think I did. If anybody wants to stamp Sarah Palin’s face on some bricks of cocaine I have a bunch of “original team of mavericks” jokes to make, too.

Police: Three-town trafficking ring shut down [Times Leader via Philly EDGE]

Atlantic City Will Not Store Your Heroin

Atlantic City law enforcement is still looking for the person who killed four prostitutes 18 months ago. They’re turning to the drug dealers and prostitutes themselves for clues (obviously), and are totally not going to arrest anyone.

Well, as long as you don’t do this:

Atlantic County Prosecutor Ted Housel says the deaths are sufficiently similar to make it appear that they are the work of a serial killer. Housel is asking other prostitutes and drug users to tell police what they know about the case, with the promise they won’t be arrested.

“Short of putting a bag of heroin on the table and asking us to hold it while you talk to us, I can promise that you won’t be pursued for anything like that,” he said, referring to prostitutes or drug dealers who come forward. “Nobody is going to be scrutinized because of lifestyle choices in an investigation like this.”

Good advice for all situations, really: If you go to talk to a law enforcement officer, keep your heroin at home. Or at least in your pockets.

Prostitutes’ help sought to solve 4 killings [AP/Courier-Post]

Key Source Of Killer Heroin Discovered; Additional Killer Heroin To Be Out On Street Within Days

The Inquirer’s Troy Graham reported today about a major drug bust in Pennsauken that happened over the summer.

The story doesn’t say why this wasn’t announced until now, but 30-year-old Jaime Castellar was arrested in October and is in federal custody. He’s accused of running a heroin mill that laced the drug with fentanyl, a legal painkiller 80 times more powerful than morphine. The laced heroin — which makes the drug more powerful but can easily cause overdoses if it’s not made correctly — has caused deaths up and down the East Coast throughout the summer and as recently as Thanksgiving (with not much media coverage, to boot).

Castellar’s fentanyl came from Mexico, of course, since the drug is regulated in the U.S. and only smart guys in white coats have access to it. Here’s why it caused so many deaths.

The problem, McAleer said, is that people working in basement heroin mills aren’t exactly scientific about their methods, and they can easily put too much fentanyl in a bag. “They don’t have any technical measurement equipment,” he said. “A typical mill, they’re sitting around, using tiny spoons.”

Gee. I can’t possibly think of a way to end this without doing that really annoying argument style where you just state your opponent’s position and act all high and mighty about it. So I’ll just do this: Stop the drug war.

Key source of lethal heroin discovered, officials report

Leftovers: No Tickets, Please

• This summer, Morey’s Piers will be switching to a plastic card system instead of tickets. The inspiration was apparently that annoying ad where the entire food court explodes because one man pays with cash. Um, yay? [Press of Atlantic City]

• Heroin is not just a problem in Philadelphia; it’s spread to northeastern Pennsylvania, too, complete with fentanyl-laced overdoses. Here’s a solution: T-shirts! [Daily News]

• The Inquirer and Daily News have dueling Atlantic City hooker stories today. The Inky’s George Anastasia goes with a woman who may have been with the man who killed four women and the Daily News‘ Simone Weichselbaum has a nice piece about how prostitutes are segregated by class. Key line comes from a prostitute named Heaven: “I’m a ho. I’m not that different. But I’m not a crackhead ho. So I’m not that bad.”

‣ And, finally, our city’s skyline likes to light up. Of course. [Inquirer]

Puppy Morning: Getting the sad one out of the way

Okay, you all probably know this story already, and about 15 of you sent it to me — I can’t imagine why — but it’s a puppy story and this is puppy morning, so let’s go: Indeed, the Drug Enforcement Agency yesterday announced they had arrested 22 Colombians for their part in a heroin smuggling scheme.

Um, okay, you’re saying. That’s nothing special. Their crime? (Uh, in addition to drug trafficking.) Some of the drugs smuggled into the United States were hidden in purebred puppies! Yes, I know: Very weird and sad — and, well, to be honest, clever — and all that stuff. DEA New York field chief John Gilbride sounded even more angry than people usually do at these press conferences: “The organization’s outrageous and heinous smuggling method of implanting heroin inside puppies is a true indication of the extent that drug dealers go to make their profit.”

Slight digression: Despite being a puppy lover, I’ve never quite understood why people take animal cruelty (mainly to doggies) more seriously than, uhm, human cruelty. A guy beats another guy to death, people are upset. A guy beats a dog to death, people go nuts. They’re ready for blood.

That being said, what the hell, drug smugglers? Is this your response to heroin being illegal? “Oh, we’ll just put it in cute little puppies, that’ll show them!” I mean, I guess a drug-sniffing dog wouldn’t notice the drugs inside a puppy, but it’s just cruel. Puppies are supposed to romp around and play and be cute, not smuggle drugs! Grrr…

The New York Daily News reports that DEA rescued 10 puppies from Colombia, but three died shortly after due to complications from the surgery. The surgeon is allegedly Andres Lopez Elorez, a fugitive in Spain, who may not have even had any formal veterinary training.

Anyway, this is all sad and weird and such. But let’s end on a happy note: The former puppies — they are all grown dogs now — are alive and well and happily living in Colombia. Yay!

22 accused in using puppies to smuggle drugs [MSNBC.com]
The littlest drug mules [NY Daily News]