The Bulletin’s Rooting Interests

With the bankruptcy of the parent company of the Inquirer and Daily News, perhaps we can turn to The Bulletin for unbiased news of the events o’ the day.

As you might have guessed, that full quote from the bankruptcy filing would be, “Without access to cash collateral, the debtors will not be able to maintain their business operations and continue their restructuring efforts, and would likely be forced to cease to operate.” (Tierneycorp is asking a court to allow the company access to the cash collateral Citizens Bank has, saying without it they’d have to close. Aren’t bankruptcy filings exciting, kids?!)

A minor point, but, yes: The headline infers the papers are likely to close, the actual quote does no such thing. Today’s article runs with that the-papers-are-closing again, saying “Two Weeks Of Operations Assured As Negotiations Continue.” There’s certainly a chance the papers will simply close, but I’d bet strong money against it.

Be sure to also check out two opinion columns today, one titled “We’re Losing Our Country, But What Can We Do? and another Herb Denenberg piece which calls the majority party right now the “Democratic Party of retreat and defeat, anti-military and anti-family values.”

Herb Denenberg, Media Expert

Things were good for Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg back in 2005. Bush was president, the war was still semi-popular (I guess) and the economy only mildly stunk. As such, the former consumer reporter spent most of his columns writing about squirrels in attics and the many different kinds of beetles.

Things are different in 2009. Some dude named Obama is president, the Phillies are reigning World Champions and the economy really, really stinks. As such, Herb Denenberg has used his recent columns to relentlessly bash Barack Obama, Democrats and the like. He spends about half of his sentences whining about how awful the good ol’ United States of America is, and the other half telling certain people (Democrats, Obama, the news media, Hollywood, college professors, etc.) to leave America because they hate it. I believe this is the time we can actually use the word “ironic” without fear of using it wrong. So, yes: Ironic!

The media has received the brunt of his ire recently, including a recent column on the Philadelphia magazine piece about the Inquirer. While he does come up with, um, a great new slogan for the Inky (”In Philadelphia, nearly everyone hates the Inquirer”) he also takes shots at Phillymag as well.

Any summary of this part of the column would not do it justice, so let’s just blockquote it out:

He misses something else, which suggests even after conducting 100 interviews, he is not in touch with the Philadelphia scene. He notes that Brian Tierney is the co-owner, publisher and CEO of this “city’s newspapers.” I’ve got news for Mr. Volk and Philadelphia Magazine. The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News are not this “city’s newspapers” as if they were the only ones. For over four years, there happens to be another daily, The Bulletin, and there happens to be many strong weeklies. And there’s the Metro, another daily, certainly worthy of note. Mr. Volk notes that the Inquirer is surrounded by a strong ring of suburban papers, and hence have no room to expand. But he should note that it faces competition from two other dailies, which are also taking a significant number of readers away from the Inquirer. As the Inquirer contracts, the Bulletin expands. As they say, that’s just one more nail in the Inquirer coffin.

Apparently the exhaustive research of the Philadelphia Magazine failed to uncover the existence of the Bulletin. The best daily in America, the Wall Street Journal, is aware of the Bulletin, obviously reads it, and recently quoted it in one of its editorials. [...] Later, the editorial, in discussing all the new competition eating away at the Inquirer, noted, “Smaller papers like the Bulletin are also working hard to reach a larger audience.”

If the best paper in the land can find and quote the Bulletin, something is radically wrong when Philadelphia Magazine, in an article on the very subject of the Philadelphia newspaper scene, seems to be clueless on what’s going on in its own market.

I think that could be a new slogan for the Bulletin: “Read by the Wall Street Journal!”

What’s Wrong With Newspapers And The Pundits Who Write About Them [The Bulletin]

‘Bulletin’ Identifies New Mental Illness

Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg has a column today that’s awesomely titled Liberal Media Downplays Threat Of Terrorism To Elect Democrats, and by the fourth paragraph he’s in full amazing mode.

Still another is the anti-American, blame-America-first bias of the mainstream media. This tendency knows no end as recently demonstrated by a Philadelphia Inquirer column that should get the Pulitzer Prize for Stupidity. This column took the position we should hang our heads in shame on July 4th rather than celebrate it, and it should become a day of atonement instead of a day of celebration of the greatest nation in the history of the world. But I know the columnist and don’t blame him. He suffers from the mental disease described by the great historian Paul Johnson - anti-Americanism. And he represents the tendencies of the mainstream, liberal media.

He’s talking about this column last week by Chris Satullo, which is superbly non-controversial but made Rush Limbaugh angry. (I’m not sure why we can safely ignore the even-more-popular American Idol’s political opinions and not Rush Limbaugh.) This response is also pretty hilarious.

Anyway, sorry to hear you’re mentally ill, Chris Satullo. Maybe with Obama’s evil free medicine (how dare he not really even propose that!) you can get some treatment for your anti-Americanism, which I believe will also be in the new DSM.

Liberal Media Downplays Threat Of Terrorism To Elect Democrats [The Bulletin]

Denenberg Takes On The Critics

Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg has been answering readers’ questions about DeLoreans, when to wash your car and whether a truck driver can get in trouble for drug possession for almost three years now.

He also frequently opines about how Barack Obama is a horrible presidential candidate, how Steven Spielberg is evil and the divide between patriots and America haters.

And, today, he does them both at the same time:

Question: I simply don’t understand how Herb Denenberg’s drivel counts as responsible journalism. In his haste to attack anyone that has the audacity to disagree with him, he simply levels unsubstantiated charges against them. Furthermore, his claims that he is railing against the ‘dishonest and biased’ media makes me question his own objectivity. Should we accept Herb as being the bastion of disinterested reporting? Why are his statements - peppered with the name calling - more objective and fairer than other forms of press? I read his column simply to laugh, but never to take it seriously. If The Bulletin really wants to improve their quality, don’t you think you should get rid of him?

More »

Of Bathhouses And African Poverty Relief

A couple random questions from Herb Denenberg’s Q&A column today:

• Question: I noticed that the Hershey’s product Ice Breakers Sours, which I like, has a warning on it that it may cause some people’s mouth to be sore. What are the ingredients that are the culprit, and what is that all about?
• Question: Is there a DeLorean car company that is now actually operating again?
• Question: Why is it so hard to get people to buy long-term care insurance?
• Question: Should it take days to thaw out a ham?
• Question: I’ve often wondered about these public bathhouses that have caused so much controversy in recent years. Why were they ever established in the first place?
• Question: Why isn’t Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad being prosecuted for threatening genocide?
• Question: Is there any hope for progress in eliminating poverty in Africa?

The answer to that last one is “yes,” and you’ll be interested to note Mr. Denenberg feels Ice Breakers “are typical of the high quality products that Hershey’s puts out.” I was going to make a Kit Kat joke here, but apparently Hershey only makes them in America. Weird!

Answers To Questions About Mints, DeLoreans And More [The Bulletin]

Herb Denenberg Is Awesome

I hadn’t read any of Herb’s columns in a while, but a perusal of a few of his recent musings are incredibly awesome. Denenberg is focusing less and less on consumer issues and more and more on people who he feels should be executed for their thoughts. Or something like that.

Oh? Now, you take a look.

How To Lose A War By Ignoring And Denying It, Aug. 24:

America, graced with its resources and military power, can’t lose this war against international terrorism unless the Democratic Party wins the White House and walks the most powerful nation in the history of the world down the path of retreat, defeat, surrender and appeasement. When that White Flag, now waved by the Democratic Party leadership, flies over the White House, it will truly symbolize the surrender of America and the end of America as we know it.

More »

This Is Pretty Much The Greatest Headline Ever

Well, I mean, patriots love America and America-haters hate it. Right? I wonder which side Lee Harvey Oswald is on. I mean, sure, he shot the president, but he shot a Democratic president. That means the people at The Bulletin would love it, no?

Update: Oh shit! I actually read it. You should too. Here’s the third sentence.

I’ll give you my view of the issue up front: I think anyone who doesn’t love America and realize it is the greatest nation in the history of the world is either demented (on the far side of crazy) or incredibly dumb.

Looking Into Divide Between Patriots, America-Haters [The Bulletin]
Yesterday: Democratic Party Supports Noted President Killer

Herb Denenberg Gets A Zinger In

From today’s Q&A advice column from Herb Denenberg:

Question: Can you buy some sort of device to cover an unsightly pipe that sticks up in the middle of your lawn?

Answer: I would recommend a device called bushes or shrubs to plant around it and hide it.

Ha ha, BURN!

Answering Questions On Retirement Medical Costs, Thermometers, Ants And Eating Octopus [The Bulletin]

Listen To Herb Two, Three, Four Times A Day

You might be wondering what’s happened to Herb Denenberg, consumer/anything advice columnist for The Evening Bulletin. He’s still plowing away at the Bulletin, an impressive five days a week, with his diatribes about the mainstream media, doctors and how squirrels get into attics.

But in addition to that, he’s become a Bulletin promoting machine on KYW 1060.

Now just wait until Fox sues them for using “fair and balanced.”

Archives: Herb Denenberg

Leftovers: Buy, Eagles Fans, Buy

• The Eagles will be selling 1500 standing-room only tickets for each home game tomorrow morning, sending IT departments into a frenzy when they realize that every single person at the office is constantly refreshing the Eagles homepage. [Daily News]

• John Perzel has proposed a huge increase in police officers all over the state, including 1,300 new cops in Philly alone. Perzel: “We’re here today to send a clear message to the drug-dealing thugs, the illegal gun-pushers, and all those responsible for terrorizing our neighborhoods and communities - your days are numbered.” Drug-dealing thugs had a mixed reaction to the news. [Inquirer]

• Herb Denenberg answers the tough questions: “Question: Can an insurance company refuse to insure my dog?” [The Evening Bulletin]

• Is it any coincidence that when a Northeast Philadelphia native is in space, the astronauts lose a bolt into the abyss? I think not. [AP/CNN.com]

• Now you can get to Harrisburg in 90 minutes instead of two hours! Yay? Hurrah? Does anyone actually travel to Harrisburg? [AP/Philly.com]