It’s Still Hot Today, Reports Everyone

Yes, it’s a slow news week — everyone is too hot to do anything newsworthy — so there is news about the weather everywhere! It’s allegedly going to be 99 degrees today (and is currently 78 with “Haze,” whatever that is).

Those lucky schoolkids get off at noon again today. NBC 10, meanwhile, exposes the seedy underworld of swimming where no swimming signs are posted.

Despite the “no swimming” signs posted along the creek, they were still going in the water. “Well I don’t consider this swimming. I consider it wading,” one man told NBC 10.

One girl was asked, “Is it safe out here?” “Yeah, kind of. … It’s sort of safe out here, if you watch what you’re doing,” she said.

The station also gives a helpful tip: “Do not leave older people, children or pets alone in cars.” Look, I don’t think you should be doing that even in the winter.

Apparently, all of this is going to break sometime tonight; tomorrow will be a more pleasant 87 degrees.

OMG IT’S SO HOT OUT

Look at that Firefox extension above: Back-to-back days of a full thermometer with three heat lines. (It’s also 85 at 9 in the morning. I can only assume the humidity is roughly 1000 percent.) All the Philly Catholic schools are letting out at noon it’s so hot out, and Philadelphia’s heat line (215.765.9040) will be open ’til Tuesday at midnight.

Um, so yes. It’s going to be hot out, as happens every summer or so. KYW reports: “People are being advised to drink plenty of water, avoid alcoholic beverages, stay out of the sun and spend as much time as possible in air-conditioned places and wear light, loose-fitting clothing.” In case you weren’t sure how to avoid the heat, you know.

Okay So It’s Hot Out Today

Okay, so it’s hot out today. And I suppose I have to write a post about it. So here goes: It’s hot out today.

Oh, and there are some tips:

If you do not have air conditioning, go to a friend or neighbor’s house, or try the movie theater, a grocery store, the mall, or even the library.

Well, it’s better than telling people to ride SEPTA buses, I guess.

Even Hotter Today! [6 ABC]
Last Year: We’re Getting There, Away From The Heat

Please Debate The Heat In This Thread

As you may know if you have skin, it’s rather hot today. According to my little weather extension in my Firefox, it’s supposed to be 99 degrees today. The icon of a bright yellow sun has even been replaced by a thermometer that looks like it’s going to explode.

I have to say, though, the Inquirer’s Lina Kadaba does a nice job of avoiding using the word sun too often:

The ball of fire overhead threatened to dry out her cans of paint, sheltered by only a plastic tarp.

Oh, and this dude is a great juggler:

“And we forgot our stroller,” added the father, Carlos, as he juggled Madia, 1, and an Ecuadorian flag.

Best of all, though, Philly.com has set up a form to let you debate how hot it is and perhaps what you are juggling to entertain yourself while the ball of fire overhead melts your paint or whatever. I ,look forward to debates on how the heat affects liberal media bias — there’s a dude who usually posts “not one damn dime liberal democrat Inquirer” — how the brothers and sisters are running the city and, of course, Alycia Lane bikini photos.

Forecast: Hottest day so far this year [Inquirer]
The worst is yet to come [Inquirer]

The Heat Is On And Other Stupid Headlines

It’s officially too hot to do anything.

Weather [Philly.com]

Sharks Vunerable To Excessive Heat

Since the infamous Tommy the Loan Shark-turned-Frank Keel press conference, there hasn’t been much of Tommy seen around the city.

Where has he been? Was Frank Keel really correct, and he’s a Pagan motorcycle gang member from South Jersey? Did he die? Did Tom Knox capture him?

Gar Joseph has all the answers.

The Shark does not speak, but his bullhorn-equipped sidekick, Jim Nixon, does. Nixon denied Keel’s accusations and called him a thug for John Dougherty, head of Local 98 of the electricians union, who’s leaning toward Knox.

Nixon claims to be a humble grad student who dogs Knox on his own, for free.

Keel is pretty scary, but we don’t think he’d scare a shark. So we called Nixon. Tommy the Loan Shark hasn’t been around “because he’s been busy with final exams,” Nixon said.

Hmm. Maybe the Pagan motorcycle gang takes classes at CCP or something. But there’s another reason, too. Nixon says it’s gotten hot enough that wearing the shark costume is pretty much impossible for whoever’s inside it. So there you have it: Tommy the Loan Shark is nowhere near as tough as the Phillie Phanatic.

Also in his article, Joseph writes about how John Street encouraged people to commit fraud, but whatever.

A shark or a minnow? [Daily News, 3rd item]

The Heat (Illness) Is On

As part of the TV news’ ongoing series Here Is Something Else That Could Kill You (And Your Children)™, Good Day Philadelphia this morning uses the 50-degree weather to talk about…

… heat illness. So be careful out there today, guys. You could get heatstroke.

We’re Getting There, Away From The Heat

The heat wave continues today — my widget says it’s 97 — and, sadly, it appears a 23-year-old man has died due to it. NBC 10 reports that the Montgomery County man, who has cerebral palsy, was helped into a van in the morning and then left there all day due to a miscommunication.

I know, this is a break from the usual puppy/headline/typo frenzy here — by the way, the two-faced kitten is missing! — but I needed that intro to get to the following. At the end of the sad article, there’s a little note about staying safe.

Here’s the advice Joan Bland, with the Philadelphia Corporation For Aging, gave seniors:

For senior citizens who don’t have air conditioning, Bland suggested using SEPTA.

That’s right, seniors! Don’t go to the library! Don’t go to a mall! No, you should walk to the bus stop and ride the 88 or the 15 around all day! It’s free! Bring your knitting!

If the best thing we can do for people without air conditioning is to tell them to ride a SEPTA bus or train around all day, then we’ve failed as a society. Oh, no wait, we have a Heatline (Word .doc), where seniors can call 215-765-9040 and be told to ride the bus around all day. And, as the press release notes, “IT IS NOT A FAN OR AIR CONDITIONER DISTRIBUTION SITE.” (Emphasis theirs.)

I don’t mean to pick on PCA. And yeah, sure, people should be smart enough to know to find a cool place when it’s almost 100 degrees outside. But, I mean, who’s going to ride SEPTA around all day simply because it’s hot? Can’t we open a movie theater and show movies from the 1940s or something to make sure people stay cool? Okay, that’s just a random suggestion my friend just told me, but I think it’d be a bit more fun than riding around SEPTA all day.

Actually, they should probably just let seniors swim in Swann Fountain. Or maybe they can let them ride with the guy driving around Logan Square trying to stop people from swimming! Ta da!

Stay cool, kids. And adults.

Death Of 23-Year-Old Man May Have Been Heat Related [NBC 10]
Two-Faced Kitten Missing From Home [AP/NBC 10]
Earlier today: Do You Believe In Miracles?
Photo via surplusparts, licensed with Creative Commons

Leftovers: Medicine… man?

• This is stupid, even for this site, but it’s making me giggle, so you have to suffer, too. From the Scranton Times-Tribune: “Matthew A. Quinn, a 1999 Scranton Preparatory School graduate, received his juris doctorate degree from the University of Pennsylvania School of Law and a certificate of study in business and public policy from the Wharton School at commencement ceremonies in Philadelphia on May 15. ¶ Dr. Quinn received a bachelor of arts degree with distinction in political science from Pennsylvania State University, where he was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa.” Tee hee. [The Times-Tribune]

• Every day, Craigslist makes us feel better and worse about humanity, all in one instant. It’s like Las Vegas! For example, this post from Missed Connections: “I was walking down girard at 3am trying to get home when these three black guys drove by in an impala (the new lame ones) and started sexually harrassing to me. One of them tryed to grabe me and I ran but then all three got out and grabed me, ripping my shirt vehemently. ¶ Then this little indie rock guy boy came out of nowhere. snaps were exchanged and he challenged them to a rap battel-which he won! (his flow was off but his rhymes were fresh and those black guys couldn’t rap at all which was uncanny because I thought all black guys could drop mad lyrics on command).” [Craigslist]

• Since we’re just quoting, quoting, quoting, let’s continue. Australia is now using Barry Manilow music to try to chase away car enthusiasts. The deputy mayor says: “We have tried to reduce the sound and we are reviewing the songs. I don’t mind Marry Manilow, but I’m more of an ABBA and Celine Dion fan.” Every word of that quote is kind of ridiculously awesome. [AP/CNN.com]

• Dan Gross reports today that Robert Esche doesn’t want Mexicans in South Philly, either. (Well, pretty much.) Are there any athletes in this town who aren’t tremendous assholes? [Daily News]

• Our violence level in Philly hit a new low today, as three people were killed in 21 minutes. [Inquirer]

• We’re up to 97, people! Go, go, go! [AccuWeather]

Mascot Monday Has Totally Gone Nuts

While this isn’t quite at the level of the minute-and-a-half Phillie Phanatic Mascot Monday, this is seriously effed up. Today’s Mascot Monday features a giant sun, freakin’ Santa Claus and the return of Jennaphr Frederick:

Some thoughts about today’s Mascot Monday after the jump.

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