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Trentonian Zings Us Again

From the newspaper that brought you the headline “Roasted Nuts” when a psychiatric hospital burned down yesterday comes “Prosecutor’s dick causes wreck, but victims barely paid” when a prosecutor’s detective is involved in a car accident.

Ho ho! I get it.

Thanks, Jon.

They Don’t Make Beauty Queens Like They Used To

Incidentally, my life has been improved by the knowledge that one can be named a “North Wildwood beauty queen.”

Cops say beauty queen passed bogus $50s [Daily News]

The Bulletin’s Rooting Interests

With the bankruptcy of the parent company of the Inquirer and Daily News, perhaps we can turn to The Bulletin for unbiased news of the events o’ the day.

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As you might have guessed, that full quote from the bankruptcy filing would be, “Without access to cash collateral, the debtors will not be able to maintain their business operations and continue their restructuring efforts, and would likely be forced to cease to operate.” (Tierneycorp is asking a court to allow the company access to the cash collateral Citizens Bank has, saying without it they’d have to close. Aren’t bankruptcy filings exciting, kids?!)

A minor point, but, yes: The headline infers the papers are likely to close, the actual quote does no such thing. Today’s article runs with that the-papers-are-closing again, saying “Two Weeks Of Operations Assured As Negotiations Continue.” There’s certainly a chance the papers will simply close, but I’d bet strong money against it.

Be sure to also check out two opinion columns today, one titled “We’re Losing Our Country, But What Can We Do? and another Herb Denenberg piece which calls the majority party right now the “Democratic Party of retreat and defeat, anti-military and anti-family values.”

Headline Of The Day

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Gee, you think?

Team’s 100-0 Blowout Shows Bad Sportsmanship [The Bulletin]

Coatesville Situation Gets Worse

Well, it appears I was right. Now the Guardian Angels are (literally, I suppose) pouring gas on the fire.

Guardian Angels Help With Coatesville Arsons [NBCPhiladelphia.com]

My Fave Eagles Story Of The Day

It’s hard reading Eagles stories the day after a disappointing loss — and, for the most part, I’ve just been skimming — but this is a story I read all the way through. Using the popular “traded emails” format, we learn that, indeed, the Eagles were not any easier to watch in Iraq than in Philadelphia. Or Arizona, for that matter.

But, you know, maybe the only appropriate place for Eagles fans to watch that game was in a war zone.

It did not look any better from Iraq [Inquirer]

Gas Is Cheap, Somehow

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I realize that gas prices are something more affected by instability globally than those of other products, but I love the wording of this headline. Still: The most expensive gas in Jersey is $1.89! Remember when we were kinda sorta prosperous (or at least pretending to be prosperous, by buying houses) and gas was, say, $3.00 or $4.00 and we complained a ton?

No, me neither. I sold my car a while ago. But at least I don’t get a 50-cent surcharge in cabs anymore!

Phillies In Great Shape

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Ha! I’ll take our noted relievers, Joseph Dunce and Billy Moron, over this putz any day.

Predictable ‘Bulletin’ Headline Predictably Mocked

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Yes, this is so obvious I wasn’t even going to post it. But, front and center, front of the website and presumably the paper, it deserves a post. Also, you will all be happy to know that The Bulletin is still harping on Obama’s birth certificate, in the hope that he is ineligible to be president. I’m pretty sure they’d give that guy Obama ran against, the one born in Panama, the same treatment.

Here’s a quote, in case you need documentation as to its seriousness:

The lawsuits that have been filed over this issue need to be answered. This issue will not be going away. The longer a resolution is delayed, the worse the consequences to our nation. The consequences would already be cataclysmic. National security, the economy, and our reputation in the world would all be drastically impacted in a very negative way.

Indeed.

This Is My Favorite ‘Bulletin’ Headline Today

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No, wait! It’s totally this one:

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Gay Awareness Promoted In Local Schools [The Bulletin]
Democrat Leader Claims Capitol Tourists Are Smelly [The Bulletin]