Use Your iPhone On The Subway

Earlier this week, AT&T announced it had secured an exclusive deal with SEPTA to allow its customers to use their cell phones while riding the underground portion of the El. Now when John Street rides on the subway, he can use his iPhone!

The deal is what it says, exclusive, so Verizon, T-Mobile and other customers are out of luck. As usual, SEPTA hates its customers. But that’s okay; its hatred has served a higher purpose this time. Think about it: Do you really want people talking on cell phones on the El? It can only lead to bad things.

I salute SEPTA for only allowing customers of a certain cell phone carrier to talk on the El, and I further thank them for choosing AT&T, so we know which people have iPhones. We can then steal them. Awwright!

El riders can now use their cell phones underground {SEPTA Watch]

Worst Corn Maze Ever

Hey, know what’s a good thing to do around Rosh Hashana? Well, hell, I don’t know, I’m not Jewish. But I do know something that’s not all that nice to do: Cut a giant swastika into ground!

Yes, the swastika at right was hand-cut into a corn field in Washington Township in Mercer County recently and was discovered by a helicopter pilot on a “routine maintenance mission.” A routine maintenance mission for what? To check for swastikas carved into cornfields? Because that would be a pretty hot job.

Anyway, people are blaming stupid punk kids or possibly racists. But police aren’t expected to find the culprits because the news media fucked it up:

The attention directed to the site by news helicopters, however, may have led people to trample evidence, which could hamper their investigation[.]

Huh? Did people think it was a corn maze? Please, Corn mazes are only carved into cool things, like Gerald Ford.

Police Find Swastika Cut Into Acres Of N.J. Cornfield [NBC 10]
Police Investigating Giant Swastika Carved Into New Jersey Cornfield [Fox News]

Coming Soon: A Petition To End Murder In Philadelphia!

Truly, there are no words to show how much I hate the Inquirer, these two headlines, the two stories they link to, anyone who had any involvement in their production, and anyone who signed the “Bring American Idol to Philly!” petition.

Hey, Mr. ‘Idol,’ where is the love for Philly? [Inky]
Petition: It’s time to hold ‘American Idol’ tryouts here! [Inky]