Lawmaker For Gun Control To Begin Carrying AK-47

State Rep. Jewell Williams, who’s from Philly, is a co-sponsor of an Angel Cruz bill that has no chance at passing but is a way to get attention for his gun control arguments. (The bill’s about gun control, too, obviously; it’s just not going to pass.)

Anyway, this morning some idiot from Allentown wrote him an email saying something to the effect of “you should be shot” for supporting his fellow democrat Cruz. Way to do your part to make gun owners look like responsible human beings, buddy!

Williams is taking the threat seriously, which is certainly his prerogative and not something you can really criticize. But, ah, could we do it so everyone’s reaction to the story isn’t “guh-wha”?

A Philadelphia lawmaker who supports tougher gun-control laws said Thursday he will likely start wearing a bulletproof vest and carrying his gun more often after receiving a threatening e-mail.

I think the equivalent of this move is protesting abortion by opening up a Planned Parenthood.

Lawmaker who got e-mail threat says he’ll wear bulletproof vest [AP/Philly.com]

If Only Everyone Had Squirrel Guns

Last week I wondered why the ceremony honoring “Justice Month” — which was March — was March 29. Surely it’s be better to hold it at the beginning of the month, no?

Well, perhaps we all now know why. In today’s Inquirer, Patrick Kerkstra gives us a little snippet of one of Justice Month’s leaders speech:

Somewhere in the middle of Judith Trustone’s lengthy lecture to City Council last week on the evils of the prison-industrial complex, she unleashed this remarkable sentence: “We’ve got to talk about our lust for punishment and our obsession with guns, human-killing guns, not squirrel guns, men’s Viagra [as opposed to women's?—dmac], in a toxic planet needing a new, healthier, pro-life form of masculinity.”

I know. Just think how many people Bob Dole and Rafael Palmeiro have lead to murder due to their sponsorship of that evil blue pill. And don’t get me started on Cialis!

I do think she has a good idea there, though. In the same vein as “guns for 76ers tickets,” it’s time for “human-killing guns for squirrel guns.”

Council confronts lengthy sentences [Inquirer, 4th item]
March 27: Justice For Two Days Or So

Class Heads To Philly, Girl Gets Protection

A third-grader in Upper Darby was suspended from school for 10 days for bringing a replica pistol to school.

She had the pistol on Monday because her brother couldn’t walk her to the bus as usual, and she said she needed it for protection. Her classmates eventually told the teacher and the teachers called the cops. (They were at a field trip at the Franklin Institute, naturally.)

Upper Darby police superintendent Michael Chitwood said she won’t be charged with a crime, as she didn’t threaten anyone. Yeah, she’s getting off easy! If you’re looking for justice, I really can’t agree more with Philly.com commenter Mark Funcanon. I fixed the typos.

That 3rd grader(8-year old girl) needs to not only be suspended for 2 weeks, but also expelled from school for a year. Even if she is finished sitting out for a year after being expelled, Upper Darby School District should not let her back in the that school district whatsoever, and instead sent her to a disciplinary school until she graduates from high school. What makes her and/or her parents think she is exempt from being expelled from school for a year because she’s just a little girl?

I don’t know, but she’s no different from everyone else. That girl played the game bringing a gun to school and she lost, big time. Under state law (Act 26), any student found to have a weapon on him or her on school grounds or property is not only subject to a 10-day (2 weeks) suspension, but also to instant arrest on the spot, and expulsion from school for 1 full year. No ifs, ands, or buts!!

And I applaud students, whether it was on a field trip or not, for snitching on that little girl. Maybe it was because these students don’t like that little girl and wanted to get back at her as retribution. Anyhow, Upper Darby cops needs to file charges against her and have the courts try her as an adult and seek double the maximum sentence against her to send to message to all kids don’t think just because they’re under 18, they could do whatever they please and get away with it.

Really, we need to show this girl some fine Upper Darby justice. So, Police Superintendent Chitwood, come on, break out the t-shirts and tell this girl: “Not in my town, scumbag!”

Third-grade girl suspended for having toy pistol [Inquirer]

Where Have You Gone, Dick Clark?

The Daily News‘ Kitty Caparella has an nice piece today about the conflicting reports on the death of Bryan Jones, the man who was shot and killed by police just after midnight on Jan. 1.

The story’s definitely interesting all around, but what I found most interesting (and depressing) was this little part here:

The armed celebrants had been inside the party house drinking when they heard the sounds of gunshots outside. They thought it was midnight. So the gun-toting revelers headed to the driveway and spent all their ammo firing in the air, a second reveler said.

When they realized it wasn’t midnight yet, he added, they went back inside to reload their weapons.

Clearly, Dick Clark’s health problems and the subsequent loss of New Year’s Rockin’ Eve — at least the real one, hosted by Dick — has forced our city’s residents to rely on gunfire to know what time the new year is, instead of the usual trusted method of, y’know, a countdown.

Then again, why someone needs to fire his gun into the air to celebrate a pointless milestone is beyond me. Oh, wait; people are stupid. That was easy.

Cops: Danger, controversy [Daily News]

Running And Gunning

It appears that, when it comes to school violence, the young men and women of Philadelphia are way ahead of their counterparts in Delaware. (Duh.)

From the Associated Press:

Wilmington police said a 12-year-old Kuumba Academy student brought a pellet gun to school. The student was charged with possession of a weapon in a Safe School Zone. Around 7:40 a.m., officials at Shue-Medill Middle School in Newark found what appeared to be a handgun in the bag of a 14-year-old student, who was sent to the principal’s office for acting strangely. The device was later determined to be a starter pistol.

Eh, maybe there’s something to be said for this. In Philadelphia kids are killin’ each other, while in Wilmington they’re just starting the 3200 meters.

Police: 2 Boys Bring Guns To School [AP/NBC 10]

Update: Club Shooting A Murder-Suicide Attempt?

The accidental shooting at a strip club last night the Daily News reported this morning apparently wasn’t an accidental shooting at all.

Police are now calling it an attempted murder-suicide, KYW 1060’s Sonya Rincon reports.

The man shot the dancer — not merely spattered his blood on her breasts, as was reported earlier — and then attempted to take his own life, police say. He was a regular customer at Cheerleaders, but no motive has been offered.

Neither party was killed. The 31-year-old dancer was just upgraded to stable condition, while the 49-year-old man is in “extremely critical” condition at Jefferson Hospital.

Update update: The shooter passed away this afternoon.

Double Shooting at Phila. Strip Club Investigated As Murder- Suicide Attempt [KYW 1060]

This Is Why I Leave My Gun At Home When I Go To The Local Strip Club

Patrons at Cheerleaders were having a good time watching the silicone bounce — or, rather, not bounce — last night until, oh, a dude accidentally shot himself in the head. The Daily News‘ David Gambacorta writes:

Police were called to the topless bar - a sports-theme establishment nestled in a quiet South Philly shopping center - about 9:30 p.m. A patron had accidentally shot himself in the head, splattering a bare-chested dancer with his blood.

Investigators said it appeared that the unidentified middle-aged man was somehow carrying his firearm improperly, which might have caused it to discharge while he was sitting inside the topless bar.

Wait, he splattered a stripper? (Uh, that sounds dirty.) Was she giving him a lap dance? Man, that’d be a way to go.

Gun goes off in topless bar; man critical [Daily News]

A Chicken In Every Pot, And A Cap In Every Ass

What does a small, Indiana County town of 443 people in Pennsylvania really need to do to make sure it remains viable well into the 21st century? Well, how about making the second amendment mandatory?

Town Councilman Henry Statkowski in Cherry Tree, Pa., in Western Pennsylvania near where Indiana, Cambria and Clearfield counties meet, wants to pass an ordinance urging residents to get a gun and learn how to shoot it to keep down on the crime. It’s modeled after a Greenleaf, Idaho, law — itself modeled after a Kennesaw, Ga., bill from 1982 — passed in the wake of Hurricane Katrina and meant to stop the surge of bands of refugees that sacked random Idaho towns. (Oh, wait, that didn’t happen?)

Statkowski says that, since the household is responsible for defending itself, each household should defend itself in the way Hank Statkowski wants it to. Inquirer writer Kathy Boccella went out to Cherry Tree and did her best person-on-the-street reporting job, interviewing apparently half the population of the sleepy hamlet.

This, really, is only a few of the quotes:

“Why would they need guns here?” asked Joseph Keith, who lives down the road in Stiffler. “They’ll shoot themselves.”

Sara Richards, 81, however, approves of firearms in the house.

“The way this world is, with all the drugs, it’s a fine idea,” Richards said as she waited with her husband at Cherry Tree Family Medicine.

A medical assistant in the office, who identified herself simply as Karen, said she and her husband had discussed getting a gun but decided against it. “He was afraid I’d shoot him,” she said.

But Brad Wholaver, 36, dressed in camouflage for a day of deer hunting, called the proposed ordinance “crazy.”

“Let’s face it, there are some people out there who shouldn’t own a gun. You put a gun in their hands and they’ll shoot just to shoot,” he said.

“People have more guns than flush toilets” now, joked Councilman [Martin] Harbough, who says he is neutral on the ordinance.

Camouflaged hunter? Check. Weird reference to drugs? Check. Calling them “flush toilets,” as if they were a recent introduction to the city? Check. This is the best state ever.

One councilman’s wish: A gun in every home [Inquirer]

Ex-Con With Heart Of Gold Arrested

When we last saw Joseph Mammana, the ex-con-turned-crime fighter was attempting to help Natalee Holloway’s family find her killers or her or whatever.

And now, he’s been arrested. Authorities from the FBI and IRS searched Mammana’s Yardley residence and North Philly egg factory (ha!) to find tax records when they found a revolver. NBC 10 reports:

Because his previous felony convictions carried more than a year jail sentence, it is illegal for him to possess a firearm in and affecting interstate and foreign commerce. The investigation found that the gun was registered to his father, who died in 1979, and that the gun was manufactured and was operable outside of Pennsylvania, which made it illegal for Mammana to possess it.

I’m not really interested in Mammana’s arrest. I’m more excited about this new technology that can render a gun operable in only one state! How cool is that?

Anti-Crime Champion Arrested On Gun Charges [NBC 10]
Nov. 11, 2005: City Council is Aruba’d out

Ridin’ Shotgun In My Dodge

Have you ever been ready to purchase a car only to think to yourself, “Hmm. I’d buy this car, but only if I can get a free shotgun with my purchase.”

Only every single time you buy a car, right? Well, a car dealership in Chester County, Country Dodge Chrysler Jeep, has made everyone’s wishes come true by offering a coupon for a free shotgun when you purchase an SUV of equal or greater value.

This has upset some people, including a local resident! Anabella Hampton is upset because the western Chester County dealership is only 15 miles from the site of the Amish school shooting in Nickel Mines. And if the Amish buy cars and get free guns with them, none of us are safe.

The dealership countered that the deal was almost over, and that it was almost out of certificates anyway, so nyaah. That didn’t please Hampton, who said:

“I mean, what’s next, a semi-automatic with the purchase of a house?”

Let’s hope so. That’d be killer. But, eh, I don’t know about this car dealership deal. As much as I’d like a shotgun, I don’t think these cars have any place for me to plug in my guitar.

Car Dealer Includes Free Gun With SUVs [NBC 10]
Volkswagen First Act Slash ad [YouTube]