Here’s an excellent Fox 29 promo to hopefully cheer you up this somber Martin Luther King Day. (Somber because of the Eagles, not the fine Rev. Dr.) My best guess is this story is actually pretty boring: Gun sales are rising before Obama’s presidency because people think he will enact new gun control laws. Possible? I guess, but it’s not like you still won’t be able to get guns. This is America, after all!
But let’s hope it’s something like, “People are expecting America to turn into a vast wasteland and these people are stocking up to guard their food silos!” Neat.
In today’s edition of “awkward endings to local TV segments,” here’s a clip from yesterday’s Fox 29 5 o’clock news featuring Hugh Douglas. They were talking about Plaxico Burress, I guess.
“A presidential proclamation forbade Japanese-Americans from possessing specified items deemed threatening to national security. Banned items included drawings of any firearm.” (Yes, this post has nothing to do with anything. Except drawings of guns, I guess.)
Cops arrested 19 people under an illegal gun task force, according to a press release. One of the arrested suspect’s names: Marvelous Richardson. He doesn’t even need to change his name when he becomes a pro wrestler!
ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio reported the other day that six of the bullet casings police removed from the wall of Marvin Harrison’s car wash — what is it with athletes and car washes! — belonged to a gun registered to the Colts wide receiver.
Harrison’s people have said he wasn’t involved in the shooting and neither was his gun. But if his gun is involved in the shooting, he could get in trouble anyway even if he wasn’t involved at all. Whoops! Apparently he could be charged with a misdemeanor and — even worse — could violate the NFL’s gun policy.
The bill also was opposed by state Rep. Paul Clymer, R-145, who said Pennsylvania already has enough regulations but lacks “family and traditional values.” (This is usually code for “I hate gays.” I’m really not sure how it fits here. –dmac.)
Geeze. I know that the Family Values Tour doesn’t exist anymore — or if it does, it’s off my radar, and I’m the center of the universe — but that’s hardly something to complain about. Erhm, I mean: Alas, he has to defend the citizen’s right to not have to report his gun lost or stolen.
Clymer is going to introduce a bill forcing citizens to report to the police whenever their traditional values go missing.
Yesterday, a teen boy — who just so happened to be naked, a la the slippery guy from that famous Philadelphia COPS episode — accidentally shot himself. Whoops!
Here’s what happened: The 17-year-old was screwing a 14-year-old girl when three of the girl’s cousins came into the house. Somehow, the boy didn’t make all his fantasies come true — well, if the cousins were girls, I dunno — and got into an argument with the three cousins. Then came, uh, the part I don’t quite get.
The situation came to a head when the naked boy retrieved a handgun from his pants nearby. “He waved it around and said, ‘I should shoot all three of you,’ ” said Lt. John Walker, of Southwest Detectives.
But the false bravado didn’t serve the teen well. “He subsequently attempted to put the weapon back into his pocket, pulled the trigger and shot himself in the leg,” Walker said.
Now… did he put his pants back on? Did he attempt to put the gun back in the pants on the back of a chair or whereever? Did he attempt to put the gun back into the pants that weren’t on his leg? Details, people, details.
Oh, this story also has a premature ejaculation joke about a 17-year-old, so at least that part of the it is accurate.
Yesterday, City Council passed a long-delayed series of bills aimed at addressing gun violence. Philadelphia isn’t allowed to make its own gun laws because the rest of the state’s economy is approximately 100 percent based on hunting and every citizen owns 50 or 60 guns and buys 30 a day, just to melt them down for whatever the hell guns are made out of.
Some have said the move is a way to gain votes — duh, it is — but that doesn’t mean City Council isn’t sincere. And it doesn’t mean it’s wrong to tell the state to fuck off every once in a while.
Actually, no matter your stance on gun laws, the citizens of Philadelphia should praise this new law. For too long Pennsylvania has… uh… well, I dunno what it’s done. But, c’mon! This is pissing off the rest of the state. That’s something all Philadelphians can agree is a good thing to do.
Plus, while the government in Harrisburg is figuring out a way to challenge these Philly laws, they can’t do any damage anywhere else.
