Golf And War Cure All Depression

Yesterday, the Daily News finally got the story of why Eagles’ offensive lineman Shawn Andrews was missing training camp; he’s been battling depression. (Here’s today’s follow-up.)

We all knew that there would be at least one comment on Philly.com complaining that Andrews was a rich guy who was depressed. No sense even getting worked up about it (not that it would stop anyone). But who knew that it would be so freaking awesome?

Another millionaire who’s depressed! Let me tell you about my world Shaun: I am an Air Force reservist who has done two tours in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. In between tours, I work a full time job, carry a mortgage, have managed to put 3 of my 4 children through college without them incurring too much personal debt, and now my fourth goes next year. You know what I get up every day, do my job, have fun and even occasionally get a round of golf in. I know it’s tough playing a kids game everyday and making a million dollers doing it but maybe just maybe you could get up off you fat, lazy, a__ and get to work. Depressed my a___!

Man, Shawn, can’t you just get on to the golf course and feel all better about yourself? The nerve.

Photo by Speedpicks, Creative Commons license

Everyone’s Attacking Everything (Except The Easiest Target Of All)

Seriously, everyone’s on the attack. Just look at the news!

• A teen in Northampton is charged with attacking goats! The teen went to a farm with some friends intending to “hassle some llamas,” according to the Associated Press article. (No, really.) But the teen stayed behind and killing two newborn goats and injuring several others. The farm’s owner vows to “sue the teen’s parents for damage to their farm, the cost of veterinary care and their emotional pain.” But of course! [AP/NBC 10]

• But that’s not all. Someone in Methacton, N.J. (D’oh!) Montgomery County, vandalized all 110 of the school district’s buses, forcing school to be canceled today. Police are on the lookout for a Bart Simpson-like kid who had a really big test scheduled for today. [CBS 3]

• Meanwhile, also in New Jersey, two people in a foursome attacked each other over the weekend. (No, not that kind of foursome.) The two golfers were arguing over a shot when one grabbed two clubs and hit the other one over the head with them. The clubs broke. I guess they were a cheap brand. [AP/6 ABC]

• The Pagans and the Outlaws are close to fighting, as the Pagans don’t want a new motorcycle gang in town. Anyone think motorcycle gangs are just like the Boy Scouts: Homoerotic, really exclusionary and really, really lame? [Daily News]

And the only one not being attacked is… drumroll, please…

• SEPTA! Wha… you say? Well, SEPTA’s not going to raise rates this year, so the budget hearings are going to go by without a peep. That’s, really, the only way SEPTA can get treated nicely: If they don’t make us pay more for their crappy service. [KYW 1060]