Everyone’s Attacking Everything (Except The Easiest Target Of All)

Seriously, everyone’s on the attack. Just look at the news!

• A teen in Northampton is charged with attacking goats! The teen went to a farm with some friends intending to “hassle some llamas,” according to the Associated Press article. (No, really.) But the teen stayed behind and killing two newborn goats and injuring several others. The farm’s owner vows to “sue the teen’s parents for damage to their farm, the cost of veterinary care and their emotional pain.” But of course! [AP/NBC 10]

• But that’s not all. Someone in Methacton, N.J. (D’oh!) Montgomery County, vandalized all 110 of the school district’s buses, forcing school to be canceled today. Police are on the lookout for a Bart Simpson-like kid who had a really big test scheduled for today. [CBS 3]

• Meanwhile, also in New Jersey, two people in a foursome attacked each other over the weekend. (No, not that kind of foursome.) The two golfers were arguing over a shot when one grabbed two clubs and hit the other one over the head with them. The clubs broke. I guess they were a cheap brand. [AP/6 ABC]

• The Pagans and the Outlaws are close to fighting, as the Pagans don’t want a new motorcycle gang in town. Anyone think motorcycle gangs are just like the Boy Scouts: Homoerotic, really exclusionary and really, really lame? [Daily News]

And the only one not being attacked is… drumroll, please…

• SEPTA! Wha… you say? Well, SEPTA’s not going to raise rates this year, so the budget hearings are going to go by without a peep. That’s, really, the only way SEPTA can get treated nicely: If they don’t make us pay more for their crappy service. [KYW 1060]

Leftovers: My Pet Goat

• Animal lover? (Not in that way, you perv.) There are two cute goats — well, cute for goats — for sale on Craigslist. Probably not something you’re allowed to have in a Center City condo, though. [Craigslist]

• Dan Gross admits today to not being William Safire. I, for one, am very confused about the discussion we had about writing speeches for Richard Nixon the other night, then! [DN, second item]

• Ahh, but of course, who can forget the time when Babe Ruth saved a Kensington ballfield by playing in a charity game there. This is a pretty awesome story, actually. They should make a movie out of it. Just, uh, don’t put John Goodman in it. [Inky]

• Here’s the Stephen Colbert video at the White House Press Corps dinner, which isn’t as funny as everyone’s saying it is, but it’s not bad. [YouTube]