Elmer’s Glue Vandalizes NE Philly Churches

Up in Northeast Philly, a bunch of churches were vandalized by somebody (probably punk kid atheists) putting glue on the locks.

Somebody went up and down Tyson Avenue in Tacony/Mayfair, gluing the locks and breaking keys off in the doors of eight churches. How many churches are there in this town? I feel like there’s one for every resident. Anyway, guess who apparently got left alone: Catholic churches. Yeah, somebody managed to vandalize eight churches in Mayfair and not hit one Catholic church. That has to be intentional.

Here’s the head of the Tacony Baptist Church: “It’s really comical. They keyed that door and instead of jumping up and down smoking, I just thank God, because the devil is trying to tell us we are doing something right for the Lord.”

Hey, turning the other cheek? I thought Christians weren’t in to that anymore. Anyway, the best part of this story is definitely the graphic KYW 1060 came up with. Did they really use Elmer’s glue? Or am I just supposed to work a Barbaro joke in here?

Vandals Keep Phila. Worshippers Stuck in the Cold [KYW 1060]
Oct. 29: Graffiti Vandalizes School [6 ABC]

Prankster Delays High-End Shopping By Up To 5 Min.

Black Friday morning, a freedom fighter — and possible Buy Nothing Day activist? — went down Walnut Street and glued the locks shut of a bunch of stores, causing a whopping $200 worth of damage at each store. An assistant manager at the Gap said this is the third time her store’s locks have been glued shut.

The shops affected were in the 1400-1600 blocks of Walnut Street. The Inquirer notes that “[t]he prank failed to hurt business because retailers usually arrive an hour early to open the stores before admitting customers.” Those tricky retailers!

Despite the damage, business opened as usual. Business also boomed for a very lucky locksmith:

The locksmith “just went from store to store popping the locks,” [a store manager] said.

Note to self: Enroll in locksmithing classes and buy some glue. Cha-ching!

Glue-filled locks on Walnut Street [Inquirer]