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May
16
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A man was arrested after authorities said he “stalked and beat three goslings to death with an umbrella in Middletown.” He was smiling after the event, witness said. What, he was just saving the schools some cash by keeping the geese off the football field!
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dmac | 10:46 AM | 1 Comment
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May
16
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Hey, so KPMG audited a bunch of New Jersey school districts. And here are some of the more fun expenses!
- Camden: $380,000: Checks issued for 10 dead employees. District said they were data entry errors and no money was paid; $3 million: The amount of federal grant money the district lost in 2005 after mismanaging the funds, jeopardizing future grants.
- Gloucester City: $1,140: Desk used by a summer employee; bids were sought from other companies, but this was lowest bid; $6,116: Rain jackets for football team; jackets were just one on a list of many items on this appropriation; $14,901: For professional geese removal from athletic fields; this is a year-round health problem on fields and parking lots requiring professional help.
- Pemberton Township: $999: Flowers for Secretaries Week, School Nurses Week, Special Education Week and Teachers Appreciation Day; $1,163: Mahogany desk, chair, bookcase, umbrella stand for elementary school curriculum supervisor; desk was actually steel but colored mahogany, and was a reasonable expense from state-contracted business for furniture set.
Man, I want a mahogany-colored steel desk! I could sit at it in my rain jacket and shoo geese away all day while paying dead employees to blog for me.
Flowers, catering, goose chase among flagged expenses [Camden Courier-Post]
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dmac | 10:34 AM | 0 Comments
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Nov
10
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• ABC News reports on — what else? — sex today, informing readers of women who are allergic to sex. Or, more specifically, to the proteins in semen. Wearing a condom is a fix, and if you’re trying to get pregnant, you can have conceive the kid in this sexy manner: “In these situations, it is possible to have a specialized lab separate the sperm from the semen, a process known as ’sperm washing.’ Your gynecologist will then inseminate the sperm directly into your uterus.” Rawr! [6 ABC]
• Compulsive gamblers will be able to register with the state’s casinos in order to have themselves banned from entry, thus preventing the problem of compulsively throwing your money away, at least at that location. Of course, this will be done with by asking both casinos to police their own list themselves! Yes, this is going to work out well. [KYW 1060]
• Meanwhile, in Bucks County, local geese are being attacked with blowgun darts. Oh, Bristol, what won’t you do? [Bucks County Courier Times]
• The Convention Center expansion is rolling along smoothly without any problems whatsoever. [Daily News]
• Oh, and best of luck to all the Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors experts heading to Toronto for the World Champs this weekend. If you’re wondering, I am not the best RPS referee in the world. [World RPS Society]
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dmac | 3:07 PM | 0 Comments
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Apr
6
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 Lest you think it’s safe to go outside — or at least safe to go outside in Cherry Hill, N.J. — there is a danger on the streets. A goose has been attacking patrons of a Toys ‘R’ Us and an Office Depot in Cherry Hill for the past few days.
NBC 10 is (naturally) all over a story like Philadelphia Will Do on a Metro typo. It’s a live report; they interview patrons who have seen the goose attacking store patrons; there’s a shot of the goose flying down, nearly attacking two people; there’s a shot of the goose honking at cars, some shoppers trying to figure out the goose’s motive for attacking people, &c. Oh, and they interview that girl, who gets the popular description of “Attacked by goose” under her name.
If this story doesn’t win a local Emmy, the contest was been rigged. Seriously. Go watch the video. In the meantime, I’ll be building a shelter to protect myself from geese attacks. What? This can only be the start of something bad.
Goose Attacks Cherry Hill Shoppers [NBC 10]
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dmac | 2:37 PM | 2 Comments
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