Vandalism Running Wild Locally

A few incidents of recent vandalism are sure to have people angrily writing on messageboards and blogs. Let’s go over the recent attacks on inanimate objects and how they show the downfall of America, or something.

• The vandalized item: Daniel Faulkner’s memorial plaque at 13th and Locust. The time: Sometime between Saturday night and 10 a.m. Sunday. The damage: “Fuck him” written across the late officer Faulkner’s plaque. The culprit: Uh, Free Mumia people were in town over the weekend, so them. Or could it be a set-up attempting to demonize the innocent (but annoying) protesters? Yeah, I’vealready thought about this too much. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.

• The vandalized item: About two dozen flags, part of a display of over 4,000, one for each solider killed in Iraq. The time: Sometime overnight. The damage: Two dozen broken flags, duh. The likely culprit: Unclear, but probably the Mumia people, or some right-wing warmongers. There’s also a chance it was a hard-up flag manufacturer. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.

• The vandalized item: Mets fans’ dignity, as at least two fans of the New York National League club were arrested. The time: Saturday’s Phillies-Mets game. The damage: I’d say “clean arrest records,” but who knows if that’s true. Let’s say the price of a ticket and bail. The likely culprit: The Mets fans themselves, of course. Phillies fans are veritable saints. The likelihood alcohol was involved: 100%.

Wow, annoying people vandalizing heartfelt displays. Uhm, shocking.