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Aug
3
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Fear & Loathing in Franklin Mills is America’s number one series on class in America. Hi. Dan here. I was recently informed that the puppy store at Franklin Mills has closed. (It may have closed a long time ago, I haven’t been there in almost a year.) This is good (because you shouldn’t buy dogs at a pet store, for ethical/economic reasons) but also bad (because puppies, even those in pet stores, are cute).
This is also bad for the anonymous author of the critically-acclaimed series that I occasionally remember to run, Fear & Loathing in Franklin Mills. She can no longer look at cute puppies on her breaks. I think the puppy store at Neshaminy is still there, but they’re separated and you can’t get up close. Lame.
Anyway, the following story has nothing to do with puppies.
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dmac | 12:53 PM | 2 Comments
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Aug
3
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Hey, Inquirer videos! What exciting event will the Inky cover using video camera technology?
Oh, right: Sarah Jessica Parker’s unveiling of her new clothing line at Franklin Mills. Nay, at Steve & Barry’s at Franklin Mills. On the other hand, that really is a long line for her. Are people still nostalgic for Sex & The City?
Sarah Jessica Parker talks fashion and greets fans at Franklin Mills Mall [Inquirer]
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dmac | 10:19 AM | 1 Comment
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Jul
20
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Each week, a PW staffer — who shall remain nameless, for many obvious reasons — shares her tales of working at Northeast Philadelphia’s shopping mecca, Franklin Mills.
Many of you commented on last week’s entry in the F-Mills saga, declaring that “Alan Shepard” was not the correct answer to the first man in space. Whoops! I had a conversation with [redacted] about it, and my feeling was that, although the answer was incorrect, the question was probably actually asking the name of the first American in space.
I mean, do American high school students really need to know that Baryshnikov was the first man in space?
Right. (You know, I don’t really see how knowing either is really all that important for graduating from high school, but I went to a fancy-pants all-boys prep school, so la dee dah.) But if that girl doesn’t pass the GED, whoops: The college graduates fail again. If you didn’t notice, the two major political parties ran candidates who went to freaking Yale last election, and look where that got us.
Anyway, our anonymous correspondent’s trials of working at America’s mile-long (or whatever) mall begin after the jump.
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dmac | 2:20 PM | 6 Comments
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Jul
13
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On occasional Fridays, a nameless — for obvious reasons — PW staffer writes about her experiences working at Pennsylvania’s number one location for sneakers and slow walkers, Franklin Mills. This week, it’s all about education.
As a general rule, I try not to judge my coworkers for their lack of education. (Because, honestly, there’s so much more to judge them for: Their sexual misconduct, the way they mispronounce the names of commonly known restaurants such as Buddakan, the fact that they think “Franklin Mills” is an actual township within Philadelphia.) School isn’t for everyone. Case in point: the assistant manager at my store.
A few weeks ago, she decided that she was going to get her GED through mail. I am totally unfamiliar with this process, so I thought she was joking when she told me that she had to complete a bunch of multiple-choice questions in books and then mail the books back. She wasn’t kidding. It’s seriously that easy.
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dmac | 2:09 PM | 9 Comments
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Jun
8
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After a one-week break, it returns! Each Friday, a PW intern who would — for obvious reasons — like to remain nameless, shares her experiences working at Franklin Mills.
I get a lot of weird questions while working in the lingerie store. Do you sell sticky tits? Where can I get spanks? Does this bra make my boobs look saggy? (This question is admittedly not all that bizarre, but imagine the person asking you this is a 300-pound chick with gold teeth wearing a bra two sizes too small and you’ll see where I’m coming from.)
A few Saturdays ago, I was standing in the very back of the store – straightening a pile of XXXL crotchless panties – when a woman bursts through the doorway and screams, “Do you guys sell butt-enhancing panties?”
“Nope. Sorry about that,” I respond without even looking up.
The woman, clearly on a relentless mission for underwear with ass pads, marches over to where I’m working. I immediately notice that she is not the sort of woman that should be shopping for products to enhance any part of her body.
She stands in front of me, silent for a second, and I watch as she looks me up and down, her eyes moving from my toes to the top of my head and back down in one quick motion.
“Where do you get yours?”
I smile at the ridiculousness of this question and tell her that I’m not wearing any.
“No. Shit,” she says incredulously and walks away shaking her head.
I still haven’t decided whether to be really insulted or really flattered.
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dmac | 11:43 AM | 2 Comments
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May
25
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Each Friday, a PW intern who would — for obvious reasons — like to remain nameless, shares her experiences working at Franklin Mills.
This week, I spent 45 minutes listening to my coworker have phone sex with her imprisoned boyfriend (as opposed to her live-in boyfriend, her baby’s daddy and the girlfriend that she “platonically” makes out with every weekend).
After one-handed sexcapades weren’t enough to satisfy her boo, she put the horny little prisoner on speaker phone so that she could use both hands to feel herself up – in the middle of the store. I can only assume that this was per his request. (I would also assume that this sort of thing would unnerve most customers, but since Franklin Mills is riddled with debauchery, people passed by without so much as a second glance toward the salesgirl moaning in the middle of the mall.)
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dmac | 1:00 PM | 4 Comments
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May
18
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At one time, Franklin Mills Mall touted itself as the top tourist attraction in Philadelphia. The mall in Far, Far Northeast Philadelphia not only has the lightning bolt-shaped mall, but also a Wal-Mart (in the former Carrefour), a gym and an old movie theater turned into a church. A church!
Each week, a PW intern who would like to remain anonymous will share a short story from working at Franklin Mills for the past several years.
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dmac | 12:22 PM | 4 Comments
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Feb
20
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Rest easy, those who want $9 jeans from Steve & Barry’s! Franklin Mills isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. There were rumors last year — thanks, Phillyblog — that the mall would be closing and converted into housing. But apparently the shopping mecca is here to stay.
Simon Property Group — which owns Oxford Valley Mall, King of Prussia, etc. — and Farallon Capital Management have agreed to purchase the Mills Corporation. (A Canadian company which previously made a bid for the financially-troubled company has a chance to match their higher offer.)
All of this means: Yes! You will be able to get Robert Morris University sweatshirts for just $10 at Steve and Barry’s. You will be able to play Glow Golf. (Although I think that place is closed now.) You will be able to shop at crappy kiosks! It’s a great time to be alive.
Simon group buys Mills shopping malls [Inquirer/Bloomberg]
July 20, 2006: The End of Franklin Mills?
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dmac | 11:49 AM | 5 Comments
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Dec
29
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Yesterday, in a show of solidarity with the fast food chain, Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell ate at the Taco Bell at Franklin Mills. He brought along with him the president of Taco Bell — of course — and a bevy of television cameras from Channel 3.
He said he was driving by a Taco Bell and found it rather empty, so he decided to hold this dog and pony show at Franklin Mills with Greg Creed, Taco Bell’s prez who was on those ads after the E. coli scare.
There are so many questions stemming from this report, many of them unanswered. Why is this news? Why is the governor doing this? How depressed would you be as a reporter if this were the story you were covering one day? Is Taco Bell’s president British or Australian or something? How funny is the footage of Rendell eating his taco salad? (This one has an answer: Very.)
You’ll no doubt have tons of your own questions after watching the report.
Rendell Eats Taco Bell To Send A Message [CBS 3]
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dmac | 11:35 AM | 3 Comments
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Aug
2
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Let me direct your attention to this week’s Out of Towner, featuring the adorable Jodie Sweetin. (Stephanie, remember?)
Sweetin was in town to film some clips for the Fuse network’s Get Malled tour. Okay. She was, unfortunately, stuck at Franklin Mills. And when PW’s Cassidy Hartmann caught up with her to ask her impression of our fair city, here’s what she got:
“I’ve never been here, but it’s been fun. We got to walk around the mall, and we’ve been in the FYE store and stuff. Because I’m leaving tomorrow I won’t, unfortunately, get much chance to see Philadelphia. That’s kind of how it is when you do these things—you go in the mall or wherever and then you leave. I made some friends on the plane who were from Philadelphia, and Bob Saget’s from Philadelphia, and of course I have a good impression from him. I wish I had a chance to get a cheesesteak, do some of the traditional Philly stuff. I would love to come back. We’ll be traveling all over the place, so maybe we’ll make it back to Philly sometime.”
Jodie, please: Come back to Philadelphia and stay the hell away from Franklin Mills. If that’s your image of Philly, well… you were there. Please?
Jodie Sweetin, Actress [The Out of Towner]
Full House [IMDb]
Photo by Jeff Fusco
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dmac | 2:46 PM | 1 Comment
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