Quickies: Get off my lawn!

• The Inquirer goes all Hey, you kids, get off my lawn! Oh, and skateboarding is “antisocial behavior.” And newspapers wonder why nobody under the age of 21 reads. [Inky]

• Sorry, Ben: Franklin Field is too “narrow” to host Olympic track and field. That track has nine lanes. How much bigger could it be? [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Drugs in the water have turned male bass into female bass in the Potomac. See, that transgender teacher in South Jersey didn’t need to get a sex change operation — she just needed to go for a swim in the Schuylkill. [Inky]

• Metro interviews an author with a big Internet following, and runs the following quote: “I was like, ‘Holy f-king sh-t!’” You know, if you’re going to censor his quote like that you might as just well run the fucking curse words. [Metro]