Validation That Your Life Sucks

Hey, are you miserable today? Sure, even if you’re on some legal mind-altering pills, you might still be a little down. Well now you have some validation from a magazine with annoying slideshows using a pointless index of miserableness: We’re the 5th most miserable city in America!

How miserable is Philly? The residents of the City of Brotherly Love once booed Santa Claus and pelted him with snowballs at an Eagles game. Maybe it’s the long commutes, violent crime and plethora of toxic waste sites that has people grumpy. Philadelphia scored in the top 20 in all three areas.

Zzzzzzzzz… oh, I’m sorry, I’ve read “booed Santa Claus” so many times that my brain automatically shuts down when I see it. Anyway, the most miserable city in the country is Detroit, and number three is Flint. Eat it, Michigan, we’re way better than you! Meanwhile, Forbes‘ plan to get people to write about them has worked again with another stupid list.

America’s Most Miserable Cities [Forbes]
[Image via]

Forbes Furthers ‘Onion’ Theory

Yesterday afternoon, Forbes took down the “Bitches ain’t shit” article by Michael Noel.

Turns out, though, the article still wasn’t a joke planted by the staffers of The Onion, as I’ve theorized. Well, maybe it is, since they realized, “Hey, look at all the traffic we got!” and put it back up as an Onion-style point-counterpoint:

Indeed! In the interest of fairness, I’ve submitted my own article for your perusal (after the jump).

More »

If You Want To Be Happy For The Rest Of Your Life, Never Trust Forbes When Choosing A Wife

I’ve been trying to get my head around this pseudo-advice column from Forbes with the snappy title, “Don’t Marry Career Women.”

There are, really, too many questions about it to ask in one post, but I’ll try a few: Who approved this article? What search terms did they use to find the excellent stock photography in the slideshow? Is the writer of this piece ever going to get laid again? If your wife works as well, why is your house more likely to be messy — wouldn’t the extra cash allow you to hire a maid? Who goes to Forbes for dating advice? Isn’t that like going to Maxim for in-depth geopolitical commentary?

And that’s just a sampling of what’s going on in my head. But, really, the best part — besides the slideshow, which you should watch — is the article’s closing paragraph:

A word of caution, though: As with any social scientific study, it’s important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn’t mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

So, after an article where the writer has confused correlation with causation, he warns us not to confuse correlation with causation. Thanks, Forbes.

Update, 6-ish: The article appears to have been taken down, furthering speculation that the staff of The Onion hacked into Forbes.com and put up that article.

Don’t Marry Career Women [Forbes via Gawker]
The tele-vision version starred Sandra Bullock [14th Windiest State]