Phillies Merchandising Dept. Ruins Popular Character

Hey, Philadelphia Phillies! You have a mascot beloved by all people, young and old, man and woman, Phillies fan and non-Phillies fan. Here’s an idea: How about you not ruin the Phillie Phanatic by making a giant creepy foam head!

It’s a bad business decision, too. This thing looks like, if you put it on your head, you’d immediately suffocate. Not just bad PR for the Phillies, but, once you’re dead, you can’t buy any more Phillies merchandise. (Okay, maybe an officially licensed Phillies casket.)

But if the Philliesa re going to make a suffocating giant foam head, couldn’t they at least make it not tremendously scary and ruinous to everyone’s memories of the giant green whatever-he-is that makes the fans cheer?

Of course, that’s not your only option for Phillies-related purchasing. First off, the Police reunion tour plays Citizens Bank Park on July 19 (and Hersheypark Stadium on July 20). Tickets are $9,000 each.

And, if you’re looking for a gift for a youngster — not that youngsters can’t like the Police, but, well — there’s always this Phillies-themed Memory game, which the Phils’ website helpfully notes is non-violent. I don’t know, I’ve played some games of Memory that turned pretty bloody.

Philadelphia Phillies Phanatic Foamhead [Phillies.com Shop]
Non-Violent Toys Philadelphia Phillies Mix Match [Phillies.com Shop]
The Police make long-awaited return to the Philadelphia area [Phillies.com]