Fireworks Store Leads To Tough Talk

That’s totally the slogan they should use. “Equally inflammable as any other store!” It’ll be the new “FOR-MAN MILLS,” I tell you. Also, the store is not taking any guff from Bristol:

“Unfortunately, what’s going on in Bristol is misunderstanding, misinformation and perhaps an unwillingness to accept the truth,” company vice president William Weimer said Tuesday.

Hmm, that’s a pretty serious statement. Could the other side ratchet it up a notch?

Newportville Fire Company President Herb Schoell noted a series of fires back in 2003 and 2006 in the Keystone Industrial Park that forced the evacuation of some businesses. He recently told the council, “If you allow this, the firemen are going to get hurt.”

“The Store That Hurts Firemen” would be a nice complementary slogan.

Town fights fireworks store [Bucks County Courier Times]

Levittown Priest Sends Awesome Letter

The annual St. Mike’s Fair in Levittown — which has been running since my dad was a student at the school, I think — wanted to have fireworks this year, but Tullytown¹ police say no go.

Why? Well, the Tullytown police chief was inconvenienced the last time they had fireworks, in 1995. “I was stuck with my patrol car on Levittown Parkway for three hours,” Police Chief Pat Priore actually told the newspaper.

St. Mike’s pastor Michael DiIorio isn’t happy with the decision. And he sent Tullytown an awesome/hilarious letter!

DiIorio said he didn’t believe the fireworks would draw 30,000 people. He called the number “arbitrary and grossly exaggerated.”

“Presently there are approximately 32,000 people in Levittown. I firmly doubt that every man, woman and child will attend the St. Michael’s Fair on one evening,” he wrote.

Tullytown has its own fireworks display every September. “If our fireworks are “unsafe’ then so are those of the borough,” DiIorio wrote. “Therefore, September fireworks for the borough should be cancelled at once.”

Ha ha, because he can’t have his fireworks he doesn’t want anyone to have them. Also, the annual Tullytown fireworks show is invitation only. Jerks!

¹ Levittown is only a post office and a census-designated place; the area that is Levittown actually spreads over five different townships/boroughs/whatever in Bucks County. When I was an intern at the Bucks County Courier Times, my bosses were very insistent that we never refer to anyone as “from Levittown,” as they were actually from Bristol Borough or whatever.

St. Mike’s Fair fireworks deemed ‘too dangerous’ [Bucks County Courier Times]

TV Viewers Demand Access To Fireworks Displays

Okay, so it was raining, and everybody thought the fireworks were cancelled, and it turns out the fireworks actually weren’t cancelled, and so nobody saw the fireworks. Shitty, but alas, nothing anybody can do about it now, and who wanted to sit out in the rain at 11:30 to watch fireworks anyway? End of story, I suppose.

Of course not. The big story on CBS 3 right now is, of course, the “fireworks fiasco,” which is a major fiasco for CBS 3 because 6 ABC broadcasts them, not CBS 3. (It’s also the lead story on NBC 10’s website.)

After the Hall & Oates concert ended, the police repeatedly broadcast announcements saying, in effect, the fireworks were canceled. As in, the announcement went something like, “The fireworks have been canceled.” But, whoops!

A spokesman for the Philadelphia Mayor’s office contends the city did not cancel the show. Joe Grace said they told spectators to leave the parkway for public safety reasons, but “they were never cancelled.” Grace said because of localized flooding and lightning, they decided the show would go on for the television viewing audience only.

Uhh, what? What the hell is the point of watching fireworks on television? Who watches fireworks on television? Damn you, 6 ABC! If you’re home at 11 on a holiday night, you probably have work the next day and are probably already asleep. Ooh, let me stay up to watch the fireworks on my 13-inch bedroom television!

Once again, Philadelphia proves it can’t do anything right. I’m surprised after the Declaration of Independence was written, John Hancock didn’t spell his name wrong while singing it and then accidentally chuck it into the Delaware.

Update, 3:48 p.m.: I think a shortened version of this post is in order. Here we go: After Hall & Oates, the fireworks were postponed. The cops said it, 6 ABC said it, everyone heard it. Somebody (Sunoco or 6 ABC or John Street or The Pope or whoever) then made the decision the fireworks should go on, and so after everyone had cleared out the fireworks went on anyway.

Fireworks Fiasco: Off, On, Off? [CBS 3]
Philly Fireworks Go Off Despite Cancellation [NBC 10]

The Show Must Go On, Even If It’s Cancelled

The weather didn’t really cooperate on the holiday yesterday. Although Philadelphia natives Hall & Oates — one of whom has the greatest mustache of all time (I think it’s Oates, though it could be Hall) — were able to perform their 4th of July concert, the city told everyone to go home afterwards, as the rain would postpone the Independence Day fireworks.

Of course, 40 minutes later, the fireworks went on, for the benefit of television viewers — because there’s really nothing better than watching fireworks on television! KYW 1060 reports the station was actually told “shortly after” the postponement that the fireworks would go on: “We actually are going to make sure that our viewers at home get a spectacular 4th of July and that we’ll be running the fireworks momentarily.”

The estimated viewership for the fireworks at home was like 3 people.

Phila. Fireworks Set Off After People Sent Home [KYW 1060]
A heavy rainfall fails to dampen July Fourth fun [Inquirer]

Welcome, Our Planet Hollywood Casino Overlords

Hey, kids, do you like Planet Hollywood? Do you like throwing away your money down little coin slots? Do you like free alcoholic beverages?

If you answered yes to any or all of those, then will you be pumped for the upcoming Planet Hollywood casino! (Hey, we’re going to hold Stallone to his promise to move to the city now.)

Of course, the official slots licenses haven’t been awarded yet. But somebody knows something, because Mayor Street has allowed the Planet Hollywood Riverwalk Casino to sponsor the New Year’s Eve fireworks!

Street actually toasted the casino’s owners for paying for it, which is kind of funny in light of the city turning down DC Shoes’ offer of $1 million for upkeep of LOVE Park if skateboarding were allowed there again. But, then again, white suburban kids don’t have any money of their own, so it makes sense.

Street shot down anyone who thought it was a conflict of interest:

Mayor Street says he’s not concerned about the appearance of any conflict of interest: “The City of Philadelphia, through the Penn’s Landing Corporation, has a contract with these people. They’re sitting on a city site. So we don’t think it’s a problem.”

Wait, what? That’s his rebuttal? That makes it seem like more of a conflict of interest, if anything. He might as well have responded “Yabba Dabba Doo!” or “Gabba Gabba Hey!” or “Everyone knows that time is Death, that Death hides in clocks. Imposing another time powered by the Clock of the Imagination, however, can refuse his law. Here, freed of the Grim Reaper’s scythe, we learn that pain is knowledge and all knowledge pain.”

Sure, they’re all nonsensical replies, but they make about as much sense as our mayor’s original statement.

But, y’know, oh well. At least it’s not another inexplicable PECO sponsorship of something.

Phila. Casino Applicant Will Pay for New Year’s Fireworks
Nov. 14: Stallone Lets Us Know Which Casino To Oppose

Leftovers: If You Don’t Give My Football Back, I’m Gonna Get My Dad On You

• Match No. 62 of the World Cup is going on now! France leads Portugal 1-0 at half, and there’s only the final and third place game to go after this, so these are your final days of watching soccer until the next World Cup! [FIFAWorldCup.com]

• Are you a “stop ‘n’ go” that sells beer to unsuspecting communities that may not want it? Well, congratulations, you can keep selling beer! [Daily News]

• A special “acting attorney general” will look into whether or not New Jersey’s state attorney got her boyfriend out of trouble over Memorial Day weekend. So… they have money for an “acting attorney general” but not for the lottery? [Camden Courier-Post]

• Sixteen people were injured at a fireworks display in Montco. And you thought your Independence Day was bad. [NBC 10]

• Sad news to report: Ex-City Paper photographer Mpozi Mshale Tolbert died at 34 over the weekend. [The Clog]

• And, finally, on Monday the Philly PD had its job made a little easier for them when a woman drove up to the 17th police district and said she had a body in the trunk. That’s some nice detective work. [Daily News]

Quickies: DARE to do drugs

• Philadelphia Will Do would like to congratulate Turner Middle School, which goes from grades six through eight, which so far this year has a city-high five drug and alcohol incidents. It’s a close race, though, as the K-4 (!) Lewis Elkin School is nipping at Turner’s heels with four. [Inky]

• How hot is Philly right now? (Not in a temperature sense, although we do all know now that it wasn’t cold enough for Ice Storm 2K6.) We’re the first city to get the new $10 bill! Whoo! Striking a blow against communism with one purchase of a Constitution Center ticket! Alexander Hamilton would be proud. [Early Word]

• The fan who ran out onto the field during an Eagles game to spread his mom’s ashes has gotten community service. He’s from Arizona, so for his service, he has to attend all eight regular season Arizona Cardinals games this year. [Inky]

• There’s now a store selling fireworks in Morrisville. However, of course, Pennsylvania residents can’t shop there legally. This makes so much sense it almost makes my head explode. [Bucks County Courier Times]

Fighting fire with fire

What makes you say that, Ms. President?

Council to debate fireworks store [Bucks County Courier Times]