You’re doing a great job, Deputy Mayor of Transportationie!

The City Controller’s office released a report recently that assessed the city’s amount of preparedness for a terrorist attack or a natural disaster. The result: The city is perfectly prepared, and won’t have any problems if Osama Bin Laden attacks the city. In fact, John Street himself has figured out a way to turn citizens of Philadelphia into pure energy in the event of an attack. And, if there’s a flood, City Hall can easily convent into a 2,000,000-capacity ark.

Okay, really, the city is not prepared, officially at least. The biggest concern is that the chief evacuation directives are supposed to come from the Deputy Mayor of Transportation, which the city (naturally) hasn’t had since 1999.

Before you say “special election,” think about this: Has anything in this city ever gotten done by the person who’s supposed to do it? Heck, I bet John Street has to mop his own floors. Without the Deputy Mayor of Transportation, there will be no local authorities around to screw things up!

The traffic can just zoom down I-76 and into the safe land of the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Nothing to worry about. Phew.

Report: City Emergency Plans Seriously Flawed [CBS 3]