Top 5 Will Do

Hoo-ray! It’s time for the weekend, which means even more drinking than usual for all of us. Or, in my case, I’ll be able to catch up on the 40 or so hours of sleep I need.

1. Funniest news story of the week: The deliveryman who hauled both pizza and dead bodies or the guy who stole the newsstands? You could debate this for hours and still not have a clear answer.
2. Overlooked news story of the week: The man who left his job to become Managing Director Pedro Ramos. Science!
3. Russian comedian Yakov Smirnoff is getting a degree from Penn. Gallagher is expected to enroll in Cornell any day now.
4. Oh, yeah, Rick Mariano resigned and he went out with a wimper, not a bang.
5. Gas prices are high, and everyone’s turning to mass transit. Well, everyone except Philadelphians.

Enjoy your weekend. Remember, Monday is Dick Cheney Day!

Top 5 Will Do

Hurrah! The weekend is here, and after a week of beautiful weather and sunshine, it’ll be nice to just sit inside and listen to the rain bounce off the windowsill. Well, no, it won’t. But that’s the only good side of the weather I can think of this weekend.

Now, let’s get this work week over with. Mush!

1. The Good Day Philadelphia crew finally landed the biggest mascot of them all, the Phillie Phanatic. It’s his birthday Sunday, by the way, so if you see him be sure to wish him a good one.
2. If Rick Mariano’s going down, Rick Mariano is taking everyone down with him!
3. In the land of more right-leaning politicians, some left-leaning kiddies are searching for a Rick Santorum impersonator.
4. The Daily News told us all that Jesus is just another boldface name to them.
5. And the 76ers ended their season, very, very painfully.

Okay. Go! Get out of here! Enjoy the outdoors before it’s too late!

Top 5 Will Do

Hurrah! Another week done, another wrap-up post that I don’t want to write. (See, we bloggers are honest with our biases. My bias is that I’m really, really lazy.)

Anyway, here’s the weekly Top 5:

1. Oh, Curt Weldon. When you’re not coming up with “Reasons Why Curt Weldon Should Have Been Trusted Before 9/11″ books you’re showing no class, tact or common sense. Sigh.
2. Showing more class, more tact and more common sense is Rep. Mark B. Cohen, who has bilked taxpayers for $28K of books in the past two years. But, uh, not much more.
3. Jessica Borg was voted hottest newshottie in Philadelphia, and a loud protest (of a few people) erupted in the comments section.
4. Anthony DiMeo III sues website owner Tucker Max, and Max throws a party to beef up his legal defense fund.
5. I got very excited about the Phillies, and then they They lost their first three games.

What just missed the cut for the Top 5 (i.e., I just remembered these things now): Geese, More geese, Hitler and a seal. Enjoy your weekend!

Top 5 Will Do

Okay, let’s plow through this one; I’ve got sweet, sweet Phillies Budweiser to drink.

1. A Philadelphia Eagles starter has a run-in with the law; of course, he’s only arrested for dancing in the street. All you need is music. Sweet, sweet music. They’re dancin’ in Chicago! And down in New Orleans!
2. The Inquirer’s go-to guy for all things Italian-American: Joe Bubbles.
3. Rick Mariano is free, and he wears olive-colored shirts.
4. The Philadelphia police department is well on its way to the largest bong in world history. $11.5 million worth!
5. And, finally, the smoking ban rises again, Jason-like. Much like Jason, expect it to die soon, too.

Enjoy your weekend! If you need something to drink, be sure to support the lemonade stand that supports Lil’ Kim.

Top 5 Will Do

Yes, another good week from an under-25 newspaper blogger who hasn’t that plagiarized a review of Final Fantasy. Sorry, just the thought of the movie Final Fantasy makes me laugh.

Let’s get this week over with.

1. First off, your weekly dose of dancing on Good Day Philadelphia. Seriously, it doesn’t get any better than this.
2. Okay, I suppose it could: They could also have the this rooster and this one-armed, one-legged woman dancing as well.
3. In case you’re wondering, Philadelphia is just like Madrid. Just like it!
4. We have an example of how putting a doggy on TV doesn’t always work.
5. The Inquirer said that many Boscov’s stores include a Ticketron. Sure, in 1987.

That’s all. Enjoy your weekend. Try not to be scared too much by Ty Pennington’s presence if you’re in the Northeast.

Top 5 Will Do

Ahh, Friday after four. It’s the time of the week when I’m utterly, 100 percent burnt out, and I say to myself, “Why do I do this job? How am I going to be able to do it another week? Why didn’t I write [many/any] essays this week and why do I have to do an effing recap of the day’s events? I need an intern! I need a vacation! I need a life!”

And then I realize I’m sitting at home watching basketball — well, today — and that I get paid to write on the Internet! And, uhm, I still whine to myself for a while, but I’m able to finish this thing, and remain burnt out until Monday morning, when it all begins again.

That being said, let’s go:

1. I missed it, unfortunately, but Lil’ Kim’s friends had a press conference to complain to the mayor about her treatment in federal prison. That’s like me complaining to the mayor about his handling of the controversial Canadian seal hunt.
2. Justice prevailed in the murder of Faheem Thomas-Childs, despite a bunch of recantations and those evil, evil t-shirts.
3. Don’t like the design of PW’s cover? Gussy it up a bit!
4. Curt Weldon: the James Frey of Congressmen?
5. McClatchy buys the Inquirer and Daily News only to say, “Man, this market sucks. Hey, want to buy these papers?

And we’re done! This weekend, pour a 40 on the corner for the ex-Senate candidate, and don’t forget to celebrate HALL AND OATES DAY tomorrow.

And, for weekend blogging goodness, PW music editor Neil Ferguson is simply doing a fantastic job blogging from SXSW.

Top 5 Will Do

It’s sunny out. I’m going for a run. And now the (done as quickly as possible) Top 5:

1. First off, The Oscars. I don’t know what was worse, the show itself, or all the complaining that Crash won or that Jon Stewart wasn’t funny or that the Academy hates gays. Thankfully, we only have to wait another year for everyone to get really worked up for another almost-pointless award show. Phew.
2. Film School’s van was stolen, possibly by someone looking to frame The A-Team again. I pity the fool!
3. The Northeast Times gets absolutely destroyed on its own letters page.
4. With campaign ads like this, Rick Santorum is sure to win re-election.
5. And, finally, the dancing colon polyp on Good Day Philadelphia.

Enjoy your spring-like weekend! Joe’s and Temple tonight at 6:30, selection show Sunday, then Sopranos and Big Love — the new polygamy show — after that! Let’s hope all of that gets us ready for a good week.

Top 5 Will Do

Sorry for the lack of updates today, or at least the lack of really interesting updates. (That’s my opinion, at least.) Anyway, it’s over, and by Monday you’ll all have forgotten anything you didn’t like the previous week anyway. God bless short attention spans.

On to the top five!

1. The Inquirer’s use of “Samson Street”: A typo, or simply succumbing to the Philadelphia accent in print? I vote that latter.
2. Nobody skated to work on Thursday, but everyone did have a clear path of rock-salt from the front door to the office.
3. John Street wants to steal your soul through Wireless Philadelphia.
4. It’s not just the one chicken lady in Northeast Philadelphia. It’s chickens, llamas, camels, maybe even a giraffe or two.
5. Stephen Starr builds a restaurant roughly the size of Manhattan.

And let’s not forget Good Day Philadelphia’s Mascot Monday, Rick Mariano getting hit with a gate as he walked out of City Hall and Ted Nugent bashing liberals and their non-tree planting ways.

Have a good weekend. Monday should be awesome.

Top 5 Will Do

In honor of the fact that we now have video capability here on Philadelphia Will Do (and can, as such, record local newscasters doing stupid stuff, post short clips of them and then laugh about it in my little space online), this week’s Top 5 is five videos we’ve posted this week:

1. Phillies play-by-play man Harry Kalas also was an announcer for the Puppy Bowl.
2. Fox 29 gets February sweeps going by doing the police’s job.
3. Action News warns us that small expensive objects could be stolen. Hide your gold dubloons.
4. William Devlin tries stand-up comedy, fails miserably.
5. NBC 10’s Bill Henley tells Miss America she has a nice box.

And, of course, there was a sixth: The Good Day Philadelphia anchors dancing with a blue hen. Have a good weekend!

Top 5 Will Do

This week came in like a lion and went out like a lamb. But don’t get too excited, Old Man Winter’ll be making a comeback any hour now. Let’s get this over with and then go party ’til we can’t feel feelings anymore.

1. A lot of weird shit happened this week. A lot of weird shit happens every week. But former Phillies catcher Darren Daulton inventing his own brand of metaphysics sort of blows everything in the history of the world, ever, away.
2. Daulton also thinks the world is going to end on December 12, 2012. Speaking of the world ending, that’s no doubt what Miracle the Cat — who survived a highway ride spent in the wheel well of a car — felt when he found out he was moving to Northeast Philly.
3. Action News warned us about how dangerous the Nintendo DS is, leaving out the part that, well, it’s not, really.
4. In case you’re wondering, Vai Sikahema is married, but he’s comfortable in his masculinity to spend three hours shopping with Johnny Weir.
5. Even if they let gays marry, nobody’s movin’ to New Jersey. It’s the smell, I think.