‘Daily News’: Want To Know The Real Way To Edit?

OUR TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR 21st CENTURY EDITORAL CONTENT

THIS MORNING, with the release of today’s Daily News, Philadelphia’s long drought of having newspapers not published by Joe Natoli is over.

Well, it wasn’t so long, in real terms: Natoli had only moved to Philadelphia in 2004. But two years is an eternity when you work or live in Center City, and you suddenly remember you need to read a newspaper not published by Joe Natoli.

We hope this brings a new and brighter chapter in the newspaper industry, which has had its share of mergers, consolidations and closings. Even casual readers find the upsets no mystery; the newspaper experience of the past few years has often been unpleasant. The Daily News, for example, was a torture chamber of bad writing, ’50s-era columnists and and acres of uninteresting, cheesily-made arguments.

We hope the Daily News will enjoy a nice long tenure in Center City and the region. That may require a different approach to the editorial sections of the paper. This blog’s newspaper advisory division offers these suggestions after the jump.

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Because, Really, No European Immigrants Came Here Illegally, No Way, No How

Regular readers of this blog may be a little confused by my, shall we say, obsession with the Northeast Times.

It’s simple, really: I grew up in the Northeast, and each week I’d usually read the Times and its broadsheet competitor, the Gleaner — yes, Northeast Philly is a two-paper town — and I’d laugh at the wacky letters, cringe at the racist ones, laugh again at the mistakes, &c. The papers actually do a fine job of covering Northeast Philly news, though, so don’t take my obsession as an obsessive hatred, please.

But getting back to the Times alone, the other weekly read is the editorial. Give the paper credit: It isn’t afraid to take a stance on anything. There are some fluff editorials, but it’s rare to not have them, since, you know, there’s always that editorial space to fill and there may not always be something to comment on. But, usually, they can take a might-not-be-so-popular stance on a subject, such as this week’s editorial on illegal immigration.

This editorial is typical of Times editorials; t always just seems so cocksure and pompous. Now, perhaps when you get letters like the paper usually runs (and I’d hate to see the letters they reject) you realize that there’s a chance your audience has the brain power of mud. But, uhm, dude, I try not to get on my high horse too often here, if only that I’m a 23-year-old smartass who blogs about typos and puppies. But, yeah, here’s a this week’s editorial:

There’s nothing wrong with millions of people sneaking into the good old U.S. of A to start new lives — unless, of course, you happen to be one of those rare Americans who think the laws of the land are supposed to be obeyed and enforced.

The brouhaha over what to do with the 11 million illegal immigrants is much ado about nothing. The solution, dear readers, is so simple that it can be summed up in three words: Kick them out.

Legal immigrants, like our friends from the Soviet Union who make major contributions to Northeast Philadelphia’s richly diverse business and residential communities, are a vibrant, important part of the American fabric.

Illegal immigrants (call them what they are — ALIENS!), on the other hand, are more trouble than they’re worth, and some are potential terrorists. After 9/11, do we really want to tempt fate
Sure, some of the illegals do a lot of the grunt work of American industry — the low-skill or no-skill jobs that real U.S. citizens don’t want — but imagine for a moment what would happen if every alien was deported back to Mexico, or Haiti, or the Dominican Republic, or whatever. Imagine how many jobs would be available for real Americans who can’t find steady employment. Our McDonald’s, 7-Elevens, gas stations, etc., would not close. The opposite might even happen. The law of supply and demand and the reduced pool of available labor would likely push wages up a bit. That’s not a bad thing.

Meanwhile, our friends from abroad who wish to become U.S. citizens are invited to learn our customs, history and laws. Come to the melting pot capital of the world. Live the American Dream. Work hard.

Use your blood, sweat and tears to make an honest living. It’s the way we do business in the freest land in the world.

Oh, and before you settle here, please learn to speak English.

It’s the American way.

See what I mean? But, yeah, I know what you’re asking, and I’m way ahead of you: Of course the Northeast Times won a second place Keystone award for editorial writing.

Alien nation [Northeast Times]
2006 Keystone Winners: Division 6 [PA Newspaper Assoc.]
Archives: Northeast Times

The ‘Non’ Was The First Giveaway

Coming tomorrow in the Inquirer: An editorial titled “Apples and oranges are different!”

Editorial | Fiction’s one thing; nonfiction, another [Inky]

Editorial Is Stranger Than Truth Is Stranger Than FIction

The current edition of the News Gleaner, Northeast Philly’s broadsheet paper, contains an editorial debating if we’re “safer” now that Dubai World Ports — the company owned by the United Arab Emirates that was going to buy six U.S. ports — will turn over the operations to U.S. companies. (And they’ll probably still have the same staffers, so I still fail to see how this was the biggest issue in the news for a few weeks, but that’s why I’m a blogger and not a CNN anchor/Congressman/&c. Also, CNN would probably make me cut my hair.)

Anyway, the editorial decides we’re not safer now, which I’d probably agree with, but I try not to go around worrying about whether some nutjob is going to set off a bomb on the Broad Street Subway. Anyway, the Gleaner tells us the real danger the U.S. is in:

In Wes Craven’s nifty thriller “Red Eye,” the terrorists fire on a five-star hotel with a short-range ballistic missile mounted on a fishing boat. Craven’s fiction is an all-too-accurate depiction of how vulnerable our waterways are.

Imagine how easy it would be for Al Qaeda to fire a Stinger Missile at the Society Hill Towers from under the Ben Franklin Bridge.

I agree. And those people living on Elm Street could totally be attacked by Freddy Krueger in real life.

Opinions/Sound Off [News Gleaner]
Wes Craven [IMDB]

Now THIS is an editorial

Earlier today, I noted a letter in the Northeast Times bashing last week’s editorial. But credit must be given: This week’s editorial is amazing. It’s a standard “Get out the vote!” editorial, telling readers in the 174th district to, uh, go vote in the special election next week. They say a high turnout would be a nice preview of the elections in the fall and a preview of pay-raise supporters getting voted out of office.

That seems a littler non sequitur, but fair enough. And then comes the kicker (emphasis mine):

If residents of the 174th district vote in huge numbers for Democrat John Sabatina Jr. and/or Green Party candidate Traci Confer (Republican candidate Charles R. Ebsworth Sr. didn’t bother to call our political reporter back for an interview, so may his own vote be the only one he gets), that can be a delicious preview of what’s in store for the pay-raise bandits.

You hear that, Charles R. Ebsworth Senior? Nobody messes with the Northeast Times!

Make it a real victory [Northeast Times]
Earlier today: Pigeon droppings from the letters page

‘Northeast Times’ tries stand-up

Just when you thought that you had heard every last one-liner about the Dick Cheney hunting incident, that you couldn’t possibly hear anything new about the situation, that you should be much more interested in Cheney saying he can do whatever he damn wants, thank you very much, comes the strangest editorial ever written, courtesy of the Northeast Times:

Dick Cheney is basically a decent man, a guy who loves his wife, daughters and country, but the man described by many as one of the most influential vice presidents in modern history is in a heap of trouble, and we’re not just talking about his possible involvement in the CIA leak case.

In fact, what Mr. Cheney did in Texas on Saturday — accidentally shooting one of his two-legged friends during a hunting trip — is worse than what Vice President Spiro Agnew did in 1973 (tax evasion), and it’s almost as bizarre as what Vice President Aaron Burr did in 1804 (killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel).

Had Mr. Cheney been more careful on the quail hunting trip (and he should have purchased the required stamp for his hunting license; he’s an oilman, he can afford the seven bucks), his pal Harry Whittington would not have been shot and critically injured.

Now, though, if President Bush wants to dispense with loyalty and cut his losses by picking a less controversial vice president, he should look no further than his secretary of state. Condoleezza Rice would be an excellent choice, and as veep she would be heir apparent for the Republican presidential nomination in 2008.

But if Mr. Bush wants to tap a less conventional person as his heartbeat away from the presidency, we offer these three contenders, for starters.

• Charlton Heston: The once-magnificent actor and ex-NRA president no longer has all his marbles. He’s perfect for the job.

• Britney Spears: The pop singer who drives with her baby on her lap is obviously missing a few marbles. She’s also fit to fill Mr. Cheney’s shoes.

• Joan Krajewski: The soon-to-be retired Philadelphia city councilwoman sure knows how to shoot from the hip.

Meanwhile, we the people should be grateful that Mr. Cheney is the stealth vice president. As long as he continues to run the country from his Undisclosed Location, America is safe. Well, almost.

See? It’s funny because Charlton Heston has Alzheimer’s disease.

Cheney says he has power to declassify information [AP via CNN.com]
Oh, shoot! [Northeast Times]

Lead of the Week

The first sentence of an editorial in today’s Northeast Times about eminent domain:

When the Bush Supreme Court aborts Roe vs. Wade, many state legislatures may feel compelled to reinstate the right to have an abortion.

Okay guys, I just really have to ask: What the fuck?

Mind your business [Northeast Times]

Twelve-year-olds, dude

Okay, you guys probably know that every week I tend to pick on the Northeast Times. Obviously (or maybe not), it’s all in good fun. The Times does a fine job of covering the Northeast. And, really, who can dislike a paper with headlines like “For pervs, laws are no longer picture perfect” and 406-word articles titled “Castor Ave. security gets new uniforms“?

There is another Northeast Philadelphia paper, though, and it’s a broadsheet called the News Gleaner, and way back in, oh, sophomore year of college, I did a few articles for them. It’s generally smaller than the Times, but it does a good job covering Northeast Philly nonetheless. The paper doesn’t have the letters page that the Times does, unfortunately.

Well, the Gleaner finally has their website back up — there had been an editorial about Pope Benedict since about April — and this week there’s an editorial about Sister Paul Mercedes Perreca, the nun who was killed by a hit-and-run driver Jan. 9. Very sad. But the Gleaner thinks we can learn some lessons from her death, and perhaps we can.

The Gleaner editorial says we can learn three lessons from her death. The second two are kind of all over the place, but pretty sensible: “Don’t slander the innocent” — regarding the owner of a Ford F-150 who was shown (with his face scrambled) on TV — and “Cottman Avenue is dangerous.” But lesson one is a little strange:

All deaths are not equal. We’ve heard some justified grumbling that hit-and-runs before Sister Paul’s death received far less media attention. Consider the 12-year-old struck and killed Jan. 5 in West Philadelphia. Isn’t Royale Harris’s death as tragic?

Sure. But Sister Paul touched far more people. By mid-week, many reporters reminded us that we lost Harris under similar circumstances and her killer is still at large. Yet, they still couldn’t avoid the hundreds of mourners who absorbed Sister Paul’s death as a personal tragedy.

Uhh… I’ll just leave you with that.

Lessons from the life of beloved Sister Paul [News Gleaner]
For pervs, laws are no longer picture perfect [Northeast Times]
Castor Ave. security gets new uniforms [Northeast Times]
PWD on The Northeast Times

Here comes a new mayoral challenger!

It’s only 2006, and the mayor’s race is already heating up. As PW’s own Steve Volk detailed this week, there are plenty of challengers: Chaka Fattah, Jonathan Saidel, John Dougherty, Michael Nutter, Dwight Evans, Tom Knox. And, heck, even though he wasn’t mentioned in the article, we all know Sam Katz is going to run again by the end of it (and lose).

We know about those people. But apparently PW missed the boat on the one darkhorse mayoral candidate: Gov. Ed Rendell. Indeed, the Northeast Times — who, I’ll admit, I’m relying on heavily for content today — has editoralized about Ed Rendell and why he should run for mayor.

Their reasons for asking Rendell (who’s doing his best Fonz impression in the photo above) to run for mayor are a little strange. The editorial begins with the anniversary Blizzard of ‘96, which dropped over 30 inches on Philadelphia. And, as a young boy in the Northeast at the time, it was awesome — mainly because the plows never got to the NE, and we had off school for what seemed like months.

Then, the editorial spends the rest of its time attacking Rendell’s time as governor, calling him “politically weak,” and blaming him for the pay-raise fiasco. Also, it blasts him for slot parlors not being built yet.

So, really, it seems like more of a “Swann/Scranton/Wilkes-Barre for Governor” editorial rather than a “Rendell for Mayor” editorial, which at least makes some sense.

But, has anyone considered this: Is it against the law for Rendell to be governor of Pennsylvania and mayor of Philadelphia at the same time? Hrmm. I mean, there’s no law against being governor and a post-game Eagles analyst at the same time.

Rendell for Mayor [Northeast Times]
And They’re Off! [PW]

Temple students, the answer to all of China’s problems

An editorial in the current issue of the Temple News bashes China’s plan to vaccinate all 5.2 billion birds in the country. Far be it from me to, well, know anything about said Chinese plan. At first glance it seems a bit impossible to do.

What I do know, however, is when I want think “commentary on China domestic policy” I immediately think “Temple News.” (Yes, newspapers are even italicized in my thoughts.) And I think that this is a good plan:

China consumes 14 billion domestically-grown poultry each year. Maybe the country’s manpower should focus on increasing the number of birds consumed. That way all supposedly infected birds will be eaten, thus eliminating the avian flu problem altogether and relieving China of their excess fowl population.

I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a snarky tongue-in-cheek comment. If it is, I’m kind of disappointed. I think eradicating bird flu by eating all the birds is probably the smartest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say about anything.

Egg Hunt [Temple News]
Photo by Thomas Hawk