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Which Rich Guy Will Lead The City For 8 Years?

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And here we go.

We’ve been through Milton Street singing on top of a casket. We’ve had Bob Brady tell us elephants will return to the zoo in his administration. We’ve had Tom Knox promise not to show movies at Dilworth Plaza. We’ve had Dwight Evans ask us not only where the beef is, but also tell us his crime record is beefy.

Michael Nutter told us he’d be opening up a shop to sell Philly-themed merchandise. Chaka Fattah brought out Shaft to attempt to win our votes. Bob Brady didn’t know how a pension works. (That’s okay, Bob, most of Philadelphia doesn’t know what “vested” means either.) Tom Knox didn’t know what Gilligan’s Island was.

A guy in a shark costume told us not to vote Tom Knox. (He disappeared after Frank Keel got in the way and is presumed dead.) PW told you to vote for the mayor that looks good with a big nose and glasses. Jim Kenney predicted voters would vote for the guy they saw on the teevee most, and he may have been right.

The gay newspaper endorsed Brady. The bilingual one endorsed Knox. Every candidate told us he was just like us! Queena Bass continued to run for mayor while homeless man Jesus White took his first shot at the ballot. People got angry on messageboards and blogs. Websites were trolled. Accusations of racism were flung. These things happen.

Sam Katz told us the mayor’s race would be close, then positioned himself for an independent run, then told us it’d be Nutter in a landslide. Sam Katz will be here to kick around for a while.

Fattah told us Mike Nutter had to remind himself he’s African-American. (And Milton Street said Nutter was the Watermelon Man.) Somebody told us Knox was a good Catholic while Brady and Nutter didn’t go to Catholic church anymore.

After today, it will — let’s pray — all be over and some rich guy will be in position to lead the city for eight years, unless Al Taubenberger has photos of the eventual winner with a donkey who is not his wife. It might be the union guy or the poverty guy or the smart guy or the really rich guy or the “Who’s the beef?” guy.

Hey, look at it this way: It won’t be John Street.

It’s election day! If you see anything exciting at the polls, notice a news anchor flashing viewers, find a funny campaign sign and/or anything else ridiculous, drop me a line at dmac [AT] philadelphiawilldo [.] com. If the day is exciting enough, I’m hoping youse can do my job for me. Then I can put my feet up.

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Nutter Picks Up Lapsed Catholic Endorsement

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Yesterday, Tom Knox supporters attempted to gain votes by distributing the flier above (click to enlarge), which alleges Michael Nutter and Bob Brady are lapsed Catholics.

Michael Nutter? He was Catholic when it was convenient for him, so he could get a quality Catholic education. Now? He quietly left the Catholic Church to become a Baptist, probably because his polls told him it would be a smart move. ¶ Bob Brady? He admitted that he never attends mass.

Somehow, I don’t think this is going to work as well as the mysterious flier distributor wants it to. Do you know how many lapsed Catholics there are? Michael Nutter might’ve just picked up a couple votes from the young, bored Christmas-and-Easter crowd. (Bob Brady said he’s a regular churchgoer, so that part appears to be just a lie.)

Nice boost for the Prep there, though. “The school people will sit through Church for!”

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Dwight Evans Not A Player, He Just Crushes A Lot

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It’s pretty much impossible to say how this guy only gets 3 percent in the polls.

24hrs On The Dwight Evans Express [Flickr]

Dwight Evans’ Best Candidate Comparison Yet

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And what a nice group of multicultural children Dwight Evans has helped.

Bob Brady’s Education Record — A Bunch of Nothing! [Evans for Mayor]

Ed Rendell In A Track Suit!

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Maybe Dwight Evans needs to use this photo in an ad. I have to imagine there are plenty of people who would vote for him because of a photo from the Broad Street Run with Ed Rendell in a track suit! Plus, isn’t that why Evans gained weight? To be more like Ed Rendell?

Broad Street Run with Dwight Evans and Gov. Ed Rendell [Flickr]

Entering Pixelated Photoshops Portion Of Mayor’s Race

Thanks to Dwight Evans’ newest Photoshop.

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DWIGHT EVANS DISCUSSES FATTAH’S AGENDA FOR TAX INCREASES [The Next Mayor Release Archive]
I’m doing everything I can… and stop calling me Shirley [The Next Mayor Blog]

Dwight Evans Narrowly Holding Off Queena Bass

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The latest poll is out, and apparently the electorate has decided it doesn’t like Dwight Evans anymore. I mean, if it ever did.

The big news the Daily News is touting is Michael Nutter’s surge to the front of the race. Apparently, we white people are all racist!

But the real news in the poll is Dwight Evans’ plummeting stature. In the new Daily News/Keystone poll, Evans’ is in last with just three percent. Three percent! Did Dwight Evans murder a hooker and I didn’t notice? Aren’t all the state legislators who endorsed Evans like at least five percent of the voting public?

Only two percent of males surveyed said they were voting for Evans. The total three percent number means about eight people surveyed said they were voting for Evans. Yikes. Dwight Evans doesn’t really do much to incite scorn, right?

Evans, though, continues to soldier on in the campaign, continues to, uh, win debates and continues to have virtually no support. His new tactic is saying Mike Nutter’s crime record has no sizzle — “All sizzle! No steak!” — whereas Dwight Evans has personally saved at-risk youths from a life of crime. Three children who used Dwight Evans’ programs went on to become the Boy Wonder, Robin.

Evans is continuing to use the food metaphor with the description of his own record on crime “beefy.” He didn’t go to Wendy’s this time to do it, but hopefully his next campaign stop will be Morton’s of Chicago on Walnut Street. I know it’s a little pricey, but a trip there would really feed the reporters well and then they’d write nice things. I think this is how it works.

In backstretch, Barbaro Nutter gallops to lead [Daily News]
Keystone Poll, May 2007 [The Next Mayor]
Michael Nutter’s Crime Record: All Sizzle, No Steak! [Evans for Mayor]
April 25: Fear And Loathing At Wendy’s

Michael Nutter Destroys City Hall In Monty Pythonesque Fashion, Prevents Hurricane Schwartz From Securing No-Bid Contract

I really can’t say how much I love this ad. Not only does it have Philly’s inspector general personally creeping up on corrupt employees in the middle of the night, it also reveals no-bid contracts are apparently given out in shady elevator deals. Oh, and, yes, it features the destruction of City Hall by either God or a giant, leading to the deaths of lots of people who apparently work in the building’s tower for some reason.

Oh, and it does pack a lot of information into 30 seconds, but whatever, who cares about that.

More awesome ads after the jump.

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Fear & Loathing At Wendy’s

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Aww, remember just a few weeks ago when Dwight Evans and Tom Knox were thebest of pals? They’d sit on the swings together, drink lemonade and occasionally challenge Bob Brady’s nominating petitions. (Brady’s officially on the ballot now, by the way.)

Well, all of that is over. Yesterday, Dwight Evans held an anti-Knox press conference, attacking Knox on his lack of public safety credentials. The theme for the day was “Where’s the beef?” For those of you who don’t remember the 1980s — and, really, there’s not much there to remember except for that last Police album and The Legend of Zelda — “Where’s the beef?” was a Wendy’s ad campaign which was popular enough to get its own Wikipedia page and its own novelty single. The phrase was later used by Walter Mondale in the 1984 democratic primary to attack Gary Hart.

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Second Mayoral Debate Way Better Than First

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While you were asleep Sunday morning, 6 ABC aired the second official mayoral debate. In this debate, the five candidates sat around a table with Action News morning hosts Matt O’Donnell and Tamala Edwards. (Yes, if you’re wondering, the hosts of a show in the same genre — “morning” — as Good Day Philadelphia, which used to feature the anchors dancing with mascots, hosted a mayoral debate.)

The debate taught me a lot of things; namely, the five candidates for mayor all creep me out. (That’s Bob Brady and Chaka Fattah in happier times in the photo; namely, the time they presented a check to the park ranger to find out who was swiping all those pic-i-nic baskets.) They’re politicians, so that’s normal, but, yeesh. Starting below, a recap of some sort.

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