Ron Paul: Greatest American Ever?

Little inside secret how this business works: Somebody sends out a blast email or Myspace to all the people in the entire world and all the regularly-updated Philly blogs see it and we all post it. If it’s not Milton Street knocking over a state store, sometimes I just don’t update it even if it’s a good story. (Here’s an exception.)

By inside secret, of course, I mean common sense; yes, this is why everyone’s going to have to start doing more of their own reporting or telling the best lame jokes and posting puppies. (Dibs on the last one.) Some fun changes are coming and that is why things have been somewhat slower, blah blah blah; yes, I will update my links list.

Anyway, Philebrity posted Down The Shore With Jen before I did a while back, and so I didn’t. (I knew they were going to beat me to it, too.) And I read it again today and it looks fun and it’s a book about the Jersey shore written by a young person in Collingswood. Yeah, it’s a guidebook, but, uh, how useful. Here’s an Amazon pre-order link. And it’s fun and well-reported and it’s the Jersey shore. “This is a great way to start your Sunday,” Jen Miller writes. Oh, look, it’s tied all together.

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There Is One Sign Summer Is Officially Over

It may be 80 degrees out, but, sadly, it’s not July. That’s the worst: too-hot summer weather without the laziness of summer.

Aw. Personally, though, I always preferred Sam’s.

Columbus Day [Citizen Mom]

Kids Nowadays, Etc.

Seaside Hights is the only shore town that might rival Wildwood for trashiness. It also recently had an awesome, awesome crime.

An adult used a toddler to steal the purse of a worker at a Seaside Heights boardwalk arcade, sneaking the child under a swinging door to pull off the midnight theft, according to a report in the Home News Tribune.

The adult, who is also carrying a skateboard, walks about the arcade with the children before using his or her foot to push the little girl under a short, swinging door to have the child steal the purse of a woman who works at the arcade.

What? The adult’s just teaching the kid to be fiscally responsible at a young age. There’s video here.

Adult uses toddler to snatch a purse in Seaside Heights [Star-Ledger Blog]

Atlantic City A Last Resort, Honestly

The Press of Atlantic City walked the boards in AC recently, and learned people apparently only go down the shore because they have no other option.

“I would’ve liked to take a cruise,” said Tony Giuliano, 28, of Albany, N.Y. “Probably the Bahamas or something” he said, dryly.

“Act like you’re happy, like you’re on vacation,” goaded his vacation partner, Andrea Johnson, 27, also of Albany.

Julio Melendez, 28, of New York, would have preferred to visit Europe. With prices the way they are, it may just as well have been a fantasy, he said.

And the people who do enjoy the shore are either (a) dogs or (b) guys who dub themselves “The Poker Menace.”

Shore visitors ponder missed summer opportunities [Press of AC]
[Image via The Sign Museum]

Kids Nowadays With Their Parties And Their Alcohol

I’ll just say: I think for some people it wasn’t marring it.

Alcohol marring teen night at boardwalk [Camden Courier-Post]

Wildwood Finally Gets Rid Of Pesky Beach Sand

One of the best things about going down the shore is, obviously, the beach. But the worst part of the beach is the all the damn sand. If only there was a way to avoid all that sand while walking down to the ocean.

Fortunately for us, the good folks in Wildwood have spent $80,000 making sure we don’t have to deal with all that sand.

Wildwood redevelopment director Lou Ferrara says all of the walks should be in place by July Fourth: “Unlike most beaches in New Jersey, we have plenty of sand. There’s about 1,800 feet of sand from the boardwalk to the water, and a lot of people have difficulty getting to the water with their coolers and their chairs and their children.”

I know the sand gets hot, and Wildwood has ridiculously long beaches, but, uh, what? They could have just given me $80,000 and I would have carried everyone to the water.

New Wooden Walkways Added to Wildwood Beaches [KYW 1060]

The Shore: So Tacky It’s Awesome

There’s an Associated Press story in Metro today about all the different rules the different South Jersey shore communities have. In Wildwood, for example, camels are banned from the beach. Mayor Ernie Troiano: “Our beaches are as wide as a desert, but you won’t find any camels on our sand.” Hopefully, that is Wildwood’s new motto.

Meanwhile, in Surf City you can’t dig deep in the sand because the township isn’t sure if the unexploded munitions found on the beach were all removed.

“How can you tell a kid not to dig in the sand?” asked Faith O’Dell, who lives near the beach in Surf City, where most of the old fuses and such were found. “It’s their nature; it’s what kids do. And when your kid says, ‘Why, Mommy, why can’t I dig in the sand,’ what do you tell them, that they could blow themselves up?”

Yeah, that’s exactly what you tell ‘em. You say: “Don’t dig in the sand, son, or you’ll die.” Scare ‘em into submission. But while some were lamenting the munitions found on the beach, one entrepreneur was loving it:

Presiding over a busy cash register, a jubilant Joe Muzzillio, owner of Exit 63 Wearhouse, reported his best Memorial Day weekend ever.

“It was definitely busier than usual for me,” Muzzillio said. “I came out with these T-shirts that I can’t keep on the racks.”

Muzzillio motioned to a display of shirts printed with “Surf City Bomb Squad,” “Surf City’s a Blast,” and “I Got Bombed in Surf City” – which cost $8.99 to $14.99 and came in various styles, including a cute pink camouflage style for women.

Wait, did he do “I Got Bombed in Surf City”? Oh, oh, he did.

Thou shalt not [AP/Metro]
In Surf City, the goal was to have a blast [Philly.com]

Activists Again Attempt To Ruin Fun

You know what you don’t want to think about next time you’re strolling along the boardwalk in gorgeous 75-degree weather? The boards you’re stepping on are from the rapidly-shrinking Brazilian rain forests! And you’re doing your own special part to participate in the systematic destruction of our planet’s ecosystem by buying a “I’m not as think as you drunk I am” t-shirt on the boards.

Yep, that’s certainly not the feeling you want when you drive two hours to Wildwood or Ocean City for a little R&R or an easy one-night stand opportunity. Well, too late, suckers! Next time you’re down there you’re going to think about how you’re walking on Brazilian wood. Hey, maybe the wood was even assembled by sweatshop workers! Well, I don’t really know that would work, so I guess not.

Brazilian wood is valued due to its durability — it can support cars driving on the boards, be it police or drunk drivers — longevity and attractiveness. But, surprise!, environmental activists don’t want Brazilian wood used, because it hurts the planet to use it or something.

Ocean City has attempted to buy $1.2 million of “responsibly-harvested” rainforest wood, but didn’t get any bids because they requested the wood not be cleaned with puppy guts or whatever.

And, yes, there’s a global warming tie-in, says OC environmentalist Georgina Shanley:

“Ocean City is a very vulnerable barrier island,” she said. “By us taking 1,000 acres of rain forest now, we’re becoming part of global warming and rising seas. We’re actually making our own island vulnerable to flooding in future years. It’s very shortsighted.”

That’s Ocean City’s problem. Fortunately for Wildwood, if sea levels rise like 20 feet the beach will still be 800 meters long, down from its current length of 8 miles.

Boardwalk wood sets off debate in Ocean City [Camden Courier-Post]
March 8: Woman In AC Did Not Watch The Tram Car

How’s The Shore? Oh, It’s Great Do-KABOOM!

A mile long stretch of beach in Surf City, N.J., has been closed down by totally uncool regulators trying to stop kids from having fun this summer. Oh, and they also found unexploded munitions.

The bombs date back to World War II and were discovered by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers in sand that had recently been pumped onto the Ocean County beach. The beach was immediately closed and now the beach might not be re-opened in time for Memorial Day weekend.

Authorities have posted danger signs at the beaches and blocked off the entrances. Security guards patrol the area around the clock.

“It’s like walking into a landmine,” said Sonny Mack, one of the security guards. “We make sure they stay out. If it wasn’t my job, I wouldn’t be out there.”

I think Surf City needs to use this as a marketing tool. You market it as a giant fun park where you’re blown sky high by antique munitions, charge $10 to get in, and the town’ll be rich in no time.

N.J. Beach Closed After Explosives Found [NBC 10]

N.J. Teens Imitate Art

Six young teenagers apparently read The Destructors in English class and took its message of fighting against your capitalist oppressors to heart. And so they did what the book told them to: They destroyed a house from the inside.

The boys apparently skipped school for this field trip and were “bored,” so they decided to head into the empty, just-purchased-by-a-cop house and tore the place apart. The kids were between 11 and 14 and totally love Graham Green’s seminal short story. Their names aren’t being released, but we can assume they’re someting like T. and Blackie.

The Ocean County shore home — in Barnegat Township, N.J. — has $35k-to-$40k worth of damage and the parents could face some sort of charges as well once the township police figure out what to charge them with. The kids tore apart the house with baseball bats, metal pipes, axes and “their own hands,” according to NBC 10.

A neighbor, Mary Kitzler, blamed — who else — a lack of adult supervision:

“I blame the parents,” Kitzler said. “They’re afraid to take control of their kids, in my mind.”

Yeah, I’d be afraid to control my kids if they were armed with baseball bats and axes, too, y’know.

The Destructors
Kids Destroy Shore House With Baseball Bats [NBC 10]