No Excuses, Except This One

The Daily News has a story today about a dock owner in Margate who thinks the town wants her out so it can build condos or something.

The U.S. basketball team is being too distracting with its dunks for me to get into the story, so let’s just cut to the chase: This woman breaks the rules occasionally, and the town occasionally busts her. She says that’s unfair. (Really, it kinda does go something like this.) Here’s my favorite part:

The impetus for the restraining order happened Aug. 9, when a police patrol boat stopped one of Scott’s rentals for going too fast in a no-wake zone.

It turned out that the registration for Scott’s entire fleet had expired on July 31, something she admits was her fault.

“I have no excuses for that,” she said, as her black lab, Dock Dog, chewed on bamboo leaves. “I’m the mom running a mom-and-pop shop.”

The only thing better than the excuse following the “no excuses” line is the important details of her dog’s breed, her dog’s name and her dog’s bamboo leaf chewing. Very important details.

Dock owner sees Margate conspiracy [Daily News]

Wimps

Aw, suck it up.

Raw Sewage In Water Ruins Beachgoers’ Plans [NBC 10]

Wildwood Boardwalk Burns

I went down the shore over the weekend — to Wildwood, of course, because Wildwood is awesome and if you disagree you’re wrong. On Saturday, wildfires from North Carolina and Virginia somehow created a haze on the beaches down the shore. “It smells like cedar,” some dude told the Press of Atlantic City. Neat!

And, then, just this morning, a three-alarm fire broke out under Mariner’s Landing in Wildwood, requiring 200 firefighters to get the blaze under control. I was in Wildwood over the weekend; fire in Wildwood Monday morning. Coincidence? Well, of course. The Boardwalk of Fame and Happiness (this is an actual sign) doesn’t just catch fire because I went for a visit, ate at Sam’s Pizza and learned that spray-on sunscreen doesn’t work as well as the regular stuff.

Today’s fire wasn’t quite as tragic as the one that leveled Castle Dracula six years ago; the only rides that were damaged were the Super Scooter and the Seal Flume (which are probably kids’ rides). Ha ha, kids, looks like we grownups win again!

Down The Shore With Alli & Erica

Geeze, nobody did a parody of one those Philly.com beach girls so Philadelphia Weekly had to do it ourselves. Watch serious journalists Alli and Erica explore the beaches of Ocean City. Fantastic job, girls.

Montco: Don’t Bring Home Bombs

Montgomery County authorities are warning people to not bring bombs back from the beach as souvenirs. You’d think common sense would stop people from bringing back unexploded World War II munitions back from the shore, but (as we all know) people are stupid.

Apparently, a mortar round was recently brought to Narberth Police, and the Montco Bomb Squad had to retrieve one from an Upper Dublin home. For some reason, the unexploded munitions are buried on New Jersey beaches and for some even worse reason, people decide to bring them home. For fun!

“This munitions or mortar shell is equivalent to three sticks of dynamite, dropping them can set them off, riding them in a car can set them off or burying them,” Montgomery County Sheriff John Durante told CBS 3. (His email was then hacked into.)

So, yes, here’s a friendly warning: Don’t play with any bombs. Well, unless you’re playing a really good prank on a friend.

Warning Issued Concerning ‘Beach Bombs’ [CBS 3]

Wildwood #1 Beach In Worthless Online Poll

In a big eff-you to a bunch of my high school friends who always whined that the Wildwood beach was “too long,” the monstrosity was voted New Jersey’s best beach by some sort of poll, meaning it was 100 percent factual. The poll was also online, which totally ups that even higher somehow.

Wildwood actually bested not only both Wildwood Crest and North Wildwood, despite the former having the advantage of fewer annoying people and the latter having the advantage of no curfew for people under 18, though the beach is closed by then anyway.

The tourism board was angry that some shore resorts jumped the gun on announcing their top-10 status; somehow, Wildwood was first, the Crest second, Ocean City third and North Wildwood fourth. Guh?

Also, Asbury Park was sixth, which I can no doubt say is 100 percent the result of Bruce Springsteen. And, yes, it’s now shore season, which is really all this poll was designed to remind you of anyway.

Voters picks for top-10 beaches [AP/Philly.com]

Shore Season Approaching, Is No Different

NBC 10 also reported yesterday on the shore, which will be super-crowded this weekend thanks to Memorial Day. The price of a slice of pizza is up — oh no! — at Sam’s Pizza in Wildwood, though it’s only going from $1.75 to $1.90. Eh, that ain’t so bad.

And also the Morey’s Pier rollercoaster, The Great Noreaster, has a new name — and boy is it clever:

Just in time for summer, Morey’s Surfside Pier in North Wildwood is putting a new spin on one of its most popular rides. “It’s the Great Nor’easter, which we’re now calling ‘Fly the Great Nor’easter,’” Morey Organization Vice President Geoff Rogers said.

Oh, I see, they put “Fly” in front of it. Like that Sugar Ray song! After two winter trips to Atlantic City, I really can’t wait to get down the shore when the sun is shining and I can actually go in the ocean.

Roller Coasters, Pizza Costs, Gas Giveaways Shaking Up Shore [NBC 10]

Ocean City’s Beach Flood

Jen Miller has photos from down the shore in Ocean City, where it’s flooded all the way up to the boardwalk. (Wildwood still has about 42 miles of beach left.)

Anyway, the TV news is going bananas over this rain, so expect much hilarity on the news tonight at 11 p.m. when they have time to build it up a bit.

Wildwood’s Feelings Run Over Like Tram Car

Jen Miller points out that Atlantic City and Ocean City were named among America’s top-10 boardwalks.

Atlantic City makes sense: Gambling, cute cats living under the boards — it is so adorable, really — and that super fancy mall that extends out into the ocean. Ocean City, too, for it’s ban on games of chance so fewer annoying people yell at you.

But — in a travesty — the world’s longest boardwalk, in WIldwood, was not named to the list. Gasp! Where else can you see drunk 18-year-olds at 5 p.m. and go to mass at the Boardwalk Chapel? (Plus: Sam’s Pizza.) Okay, basically I’m just writing this because it’s going to be 70 today and I kind of want to go down the shore.

Best Boardwalks [Down the Shore with Jen]
[Photo by Steve Longus]

Ron Paul: Greatest American Ever?

Little inside secret how this business works: Somebody sends out a blast email or Myspace to all the people in the entire world and all the regularly-updated Philly blogs see it and we all post it. If it’s not Milton Street knocking over a state store, sometimes I just don’t update it even if it’s a good story. (Here’s an exception.)

By inside secret, of course, I mean common sense; yes, this is why everyone’s going to have to start doing more of their own reporting or telling the best lame jokes and posting puppies. (Dibs on the last one.) Some fun changes are coming and that is why things have been somewhat slower, blah blah blah; yes, I will update my links list.

Anyway, Philebrity posted Down The Shore With Jen before I did a while back, and so I didn’t. (I knew they were going to beat me to it, too.) And I read it again today and it looks fun and it’s a book about the Jersey shore written by a young person in Collingswood. Yeah, it’s a guidebook, but, uh, how useful. Here’s an Amazon pre-order link. And it’s fun and well-reported and it’s the Jersey shore. “This is a great way to start your Sunday,” Jen Miller writes. Oh, look, it’s tied all together.

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