DA Candidate A Total Boyfriend Experience

The Daily News‘ Dave Davies wrote yesterday about the candidates for district attorney, the first race since William Penn was governor that there isn’t an incumbent in the race. (The reference Davies uses is, “Ronald Reagan was president and the Eagles quarterback was Ron Jaworski.” And while Philadelphians voted, Wilson Goode was dropping C4 on voting booths!)

One of the potential candidates is Daniel McCaffery, the brother of noted attention hound Seamus McCaffery, who rode Eagles Court all the way to the state Supreme Court.

Here’s why our boy Daniel (good name, by the way) is absolutely getting the Democratic nomination:

“After I left the D.A.’s office in ‘96, I went to work for Democratic city committee and have been pro bono counsel for the last 12 years,” McCaffery said. “I’ve serviced just about every elected official and ward leader, and I’ve been involved in every one of my brother’s campaigns.’ “

Humm. Well, that’s quite a work ethic. Bodes well for his time in the DA’s office.

Scramble for open D.A. seat begins [Daily News]

‘Newark Weekly’ Soon To Follow

College kids can’t get any, apparently.

Univ. Of Del. Requests For Escorts Skyrockets [AP/CBS 3]

Established Suburban A&E Weekly Shows New Suburban A&E Weekly Who’s Boss

Yesterday, we all gazed at the the new suburban arts and entertainment weekly paper The Impulse, produced by the Camden Courier Post. We learned of the paper’s policy on the use of “gonna” and its ban on LOL. We learned about the copy editor’s lack of shoes one day.[1]

We did, however, fail to take a look at how Philly EDGE had thrown down the gauntlet in this week’s issue, with a cover story on the River Hot Dog Man, who sells hot dogs on the Delaware:

When did you first decide to make a living with your wiener?

(Laughs) Well…uh…I always was one big wiener.

What’s the most important feature of a wiener, size or taste?
Alright then…ummm. I think the taste is most important. [...]

How do first-timers generally react to your wiener?
(Groans) They really like our big juicy wieners.

Now Greg, we’ve talked a lot about your wiener, let’s talk a little bit about your buns. Do your buns ever get soggy or misshapen from being near the water all day?
Oh, no, no. (Laughs) We have very voluptuous and soft, fresh buns.

Impulse is going to have to do a story on a restaurant called Big Dick’s House of Crabs in order to beat this one.

[1] For the record, as an intern at the Bucks County Courier Times a few summers ago, I once spent an afternoon without shoes on, but that’s because I had to cross a muddy creek while doing a story about a high school class’ trip to the woods. I think the story landed on the front page. (Go back to the text.)

Frank remarks [Philly EDGE]
Yesterday: Red, Gray And Black Walls Mean YOUTH!

For The Best Salad-Tossing Experience, Shop Around

Really? People offer me much better deals on that when I’m on my way home late at night.

Tossing Salad Costs $173 [AP/6 ABC]
Washington Square West [Wikipedia]

Quickies: Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How

• Shawn Andrews wants to lose some weight, being that he weighs approximately 750 pounds. That’s all well and good, but what if he loses weight, improves his life expectancy but becomes a less effective offensive lineman in the process? Come on, you were thinking it, too. [Daily News]

• Former Eagles coach Jim Trimble died today at the age of 87. He coached in the 50s — when the team was at one point quarterbacked by Philly the Heroic War Dog — and actually compiled a winning record, so he must’ve been doing something right. [AP/ESPN.com]

• There was a fire at West Philadelphia High this morning, which forced classes to be moved to another building. It didn’t affect things much, since seniors had an off-school grounds event, juniors were just picking up tickets for the prom and nobody goes to school anymore in this city anyway. [Inquirer]

• For now, double entendre headlines like these aren’t going to get old. We’ll check back in a few months. [NBC 10]

Sophomoric Joke Of The Week, Posted Now To Get It Out Of The Way

Over the weekend, the Minutemen patroled the U.S.-Mexico border, and the Associated Press interviewed a man who felt the whole border patrol was kind of futile:

“This is like sticking a finger in the dike,” said Ken Raymond, a retired electrical engineer and airplane mechanic from Tucson.

Tee hee hee. In other news, I’m 10 years old.

Minutemen return to U.S. border watch [AP/CNN.com]
March 28: Better Dead Than Rojo

No glove, lots of love

And who said we Philadelphians didn’t have much sex!

Phila. expects to test positive [Inky]
Feb. 21: Bill Henley’s double entendre