And Speaking Of The Onion

Eagles Fans Give McNabb Three-Week Deadline To Win Super Bowl

Donovan McNabb Wants 8-Month Party

Warning: The following entry contains ridiculous athlete jargon.

Hey, Donovan McNabb wants to win the Super Bowl! Of course. But even better. He wants to win the Super Bowl so the Eagles can host the NFL season opener the following year.

This is why I love what I do. NFL Football. FOX TV. Lambeau Field. Brett Favre. I can’t wait to get to Sunday. I’ve had a chance this year to really focus on what is important to me. Outside of my family, this is all that matters. I’ve worked hard to get to this point–we, my teammates and coaches, have worked hard all offseason. It’s time to get it going. [...]

I watched the game last night between the Colts and the Saints. Saw them hang the Super Bowl banner. Saw Peyton start the season like he finished last year. I want Philadelphia to host the NFL season opener next year. Can you imagine what that would be like? It would be crazy! The party would start in February and last all year long. Instead of John Mellencamp, I have a couple of ideas for the performers from this great city of entertainers. Jill Scott, Kindred, the Roots, etc.

Jill Scott. Roots. Football. McNabb. Super Bowl. I can’t wait for Sunday!

Let’s Bring The Party To Philadelphia [Yardbarker]

Thanks, Daily News, For Your Investigative Reporting

There are no signs from the Eagles’ brass that McNabb will be cut by the Sept. 1 deadline.

In other news, Ryan Howard is likely to start tonight against the Mets.

Donovan 100 percent sure he’ll start season opener [Daily News]

Sports In Brief

• Ex-Flyer Rick Tocchet was sentenced to two years probation for his role in an illegal gambling ring. (Because sports gambling should only be done by giant monolithic corporations in resort towns.) A former New Jersey state trooper has to spend 5 years in prison, because he’s not a former hockey player. [KYW 1060]

• Donovan McNabb will play for the first time since last year’s injury tonight in a preseason game at the Linc. Meanwhile, Freddie Mitchell will be begging for change outside the stadium. [Daily News]

• In other Donovan news, he has a frightening new commercial for Vitamin Water. A relative of Orville Redenbacher helps him train to get back to football, or something. This ad also contains the newspaper the Manayunk Gazette. [The 700 Level]

• Darren Daulton: “People talk about speaking with lizards and stuff.” [Comcast SportsNet]

Reid Says McNabb Stories False, Causing Everyone To Believe Them Even More (When Does Baseball Season Start?)

Both Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb’s agent said that all the stories about Donovan McNabb are false. Even the one about him tearing his ACL. Man, how’d we let that one get past us!

The comments by Reid and McNabb’s agent came the day Mark Eckel reported the Eagles’ QB is unhappy with how people yelled at his mom and that some teammates prefer Garcia to McNabb, etc., etc.

McNabb’s agent, Fletcher Smith: “They’re all quoting sources close to Donovan. They claim to know what he thinks and what he’s feeling. Who are these people? I don’t know. I think there should be some level of responsibility in getting his side of the story before printing some of this stuff. It’s sensationalism, and I guess it sells newspapers.”

Yeah, everyone went out to buy the Trenton Times yesterday to read Mark Eckel’s report.

Reid: McNabb stories were made up [Inquirer]
Yesterday: Eckel: Reid Should Name McNabb Starter… Uh, Again

Eckel: Reid Should Name McNabb Starter… Uh, Again

Mark Eckel reports today that Donovan McNabb might be possibly unable to coexist with Jeff Garcia. Why? Because Donovan McNabb is a illegal immigrant hating homophobe.

Bada-bing! Actually, McNabb isn’t happy about three things, Eckel says, which are:

1. He wasn’t allowed to travel with the team to New Orleans.
2. He feels some in the organization prefer Jeff Garcia to him.
3. He’s pissed people were hatin’ on his mom.

Eckel also writes McNabb wasn’t upset with Reid canceling his press conference and also wasn’t upset with the Eagles’ training staff during his rehab.

There are no named sources in the article, just vague “people close to McNabb” and “a former teammate of Garcia.” (Terrell Owens?) But whatever the story, it kind of falls apart with its extended discussion of this:

It could be a moot point if Garcia, an unrestricted free agent in March, is not re-signed. Until then someone, preferably Reid, needs to make it clear to the franchise quarterback that he is still the franchise quarterback.

Yeah! You’re right! Andy should do that right away! Let’s… oh.

“It’s Donovan,” Reid said. “I think Jeff [Garcia] has told you that and I’ve told you that before. I don’t think there’s any question. It’s a matter of Donovan just takes care of business now.”

Right. Reid better get to naming that starter right way.

McNabb doubts Eagles future [Trenton Times]
Eagles Blog: Reid Ends Quarterback Controversy [NBC 10]
Jan. 19: Andy Reid Shields McNabb From Injuring His Knee At Strenuous Press Conference

Andy Reid Shields McNabb From Injuring His Knee At Strenuous Press Conference

Donovan McNabb was supposed to have a press conference today to discuss the Eagles’ season, updates on his injury, etc. But suddenly Andy Reid went and cancelled it.

Wait, what? Can’t Donovan decide about that?

Andy Reid said yesterday: “I saw nothing that would be beneficial for him to stand up there. I wanted him focusing on taking care of his business and his leg, and that’s all that matters right now.” Well, obviously, you wouldn’t want him standing on his surgically repaired knee, but couldn’t Andy just have gotten a chair or something?

However, as NBC 10 notes, Andy Reid’s power doesn’t extend far enough to stop McNabb from answering any questions at all:

However, there is one McNabb appearance that Reid can’t stop - the annual Campbell’s Soup junket before the Super Bowl. Donovan and Wilma McNabb usually appear in a promotional appearance.

Rest assured, the annual Campbell’s Soup junket is one hot ticket during Super Bowl week.

Eagles Blog: Reid Ends Quarterback Controversy [NBC 10]

Leftovers: Paramedic Can’t Save Self

• A trainee paramedic says she was hazed because she couldn’t put in an IV correctly. The woman alleges she was stuck with a 14-gauge needle and beaten! Ho ho, those wacky paramedics! [Daily News]

• The Flyers have lost 10 straight. That’s the joke. The Flyers. See, we can move on now. [Inquirer]

• Les Bowen writes about how Donovan McNabb is feeling about the Eagles’ run this season. His teammates say he’s supportive. His mom says it’s weird. His mom? Sigh. [Daily News]

• Bucks County Playhouse could be sued by New Hope borough. You may remember Buxco Playhouse from its owner Ralph Miller and its foulmouthed plays. [Bucks County Courier Times]

Eagles’ Winning Streak Inducing Craziness

Oh, yes, I suppose I have not done much on the Eagles yet. So let me begin: Whoo! Eat it, Dallas!

The Eagles are a win away from the division title and a first-round home playoff game thanks to many things, but part of it due to Jeff Garcia’s surprisingly good performance. Of course, some people are taking it a little overboard:

The biggest contest in 2007 here won’t be the Philly mayor’s race: It will be the McNabb-Garcia debate. Jeff Garcia, a 36-year-old castoff from the Detroit Lions, is the newest folk hero in Philadelphia after leading the Eagles to a playoff spot.

No no no! No no no no no. Look, Garcia is playing worlds better than anyone thought he would. But he’s not as good as Donovan McNabb. Next year, you sign Garcia to start at the beginning of the season if McNabb isn’t ready and then he returns to the backup role. (It’s all in this article.)

It’s okay; it gets worse in that NBC 10 blog:

All this has led to a huge debate on local sports radio and in homes and pubs about who should lead the Eagles next year: Garcia or McNabb? So far, from what I’ve heard on the radio, the fans want Garcia. McNabb has his defenders, in particular Howard Eskin.

Don’t ever make me agree with Howard Eskin again, NBC 10.

Eagles Blog: Garcia Or McNabb Debate Takes Off [NBC 10]
All Garcia Does Is Win [Football Outsiders Blog]

Leftovers: McNabb To Return In Next [x] Months

• Donovan McNabb underwent surgery for his torn ACL yesterday, and here’s the Associated Press’ lead: “Donovan McNabb could miss as much as a year or could be ready for the 2007 season opener after having surgery yesterday to repair a torn knee ligament.” Or, perhaps, he could die from complications, or return tomorrow and lead the Eagles to the Super Bowl. [AP/Toronto Star]

• And another awesome AP lead, from Bethlehem, Pa.: “A man serving life without parole for stabbing his neighbor more than 80 times with a samurai sword and setting the victim’s clothes on fire was awarded $1 by a federal jury that ruled five of the officers arresting him used excessive force.” [AP/Philly.com]

• Good news: There are lots of flu vaccines this year. Bad news: There are so many, there will probably be a shortage next year. Aye. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• And the Philly Future comment of the century: “Oh… the ‘papers’ are going on strike? Thank God for the Evening Bulletin!” [Philly Future]