Cops Bring Out Firepower For Rushdie

Salman Rushdie spoke at Widener University yesterday, and the school took a few extra precautions for security in case anybody tried to assassinate the writer (pictured at right, with his estranged, possibly ex-, wife). The school apparently forgot that assassinating Rushdie is so early ’90s, and had SWAT teams (”tactical units,” sez the DN) and K-9 units guarding the place.

Rushdie was kinda confused at all the security. “It’s insane!” he told the Daily News. “I was absolutely horrified. Assault rifles, tracker dogs - they scare me!” The school said it knew Rushdie, who called Barack Obama “the change guy” during his speech, didn’t want security; top brass from Chester County met him at 30th Street Station.

There don’t appear to have even been any protesters at the event. Still, at least the dogs could search for kids who know you really need to be stoned to enjoy Salman Rushdie in full. It’s of no surprise this kind of thing happened at Widener.

Salman Rushdie ‘horrified’ by security for Widener U. visit [Daily News]

Ed Rendell Goes All Caligula On Us

Jesus, Ed! I know you’re in your second term, but try not to let things get too out of control.

Update: Beaten by about 20 minutes.

Rendell Names Dog Law Enforcement Director [AP/CBS 3]
Incitatus [Wikipedia]

Dead Dogs, Bad Cops & Thieving City Workers

Obligatory first sentence about media attention paid to Alycia Lane followed by a segue into a bullet-point list of recent people committing funny crimes. KYW 1060 does the same thing but sums it up with a headline: 3 Area High Schools Affected by Unrelated Incidents.

• Philadelphia police officer Malik Snell was arrested for allegedly being the getaway man for a home invasion. See, here’s who shoulda been punched! [Daily News]

• An assistant to Donna Reed Miller was arrested for extortion. Theresa Pinkett allegedly extorted $5,000 and a cell phone in exchange for providing assistance on real estate issues while providing constituent services for Miller. So… Theresa Pinkett is basically “taxes.” [Philadelphia Business Journal]

• The Turnpike Authority dropped a lawsuit against a pair of dead motorists it sued for damage to the roadway. Blah blah outrage blah blah blah. Whatever. I want to be able to sue Barbaro and he’s dead. [Phillyburbs]

• Iraq security firm Blackwater murdered the New York Times‘ dog. OMFG now the people will finally be pissed at Blackwater, not like when they killed humans. [Wonkette]

The Good Old Fashioned Morons In New Jersey

My new favorite source for up-to-the-second commentary on anything, the Courier-Post Forums, has a hot debate going on right not that dwarfs any previous debates about why homosexuality is a choice and why Jews and Indians are doctors.

The backstory: A dog named Congo bit a landscaper and was sentenced to death. But since we only get bloodthirsty about humans being put to death, the dog was spared by a State Assembly panel.

Oh, but there’s a twist. I think it’s best to just let the Courier-Post explain this one: “The story connects hot-issue circuitry. Mix the gentility of leafy, enlightened Princeton with the dog-lovers and the immigration debate — the landscaper is reported to have been an illegal from Honduras — and the story quickly won global appeal.” Congo is New Jersey’s Jocelyn Kirsch!

Congo’s owner, some guy named Guy James, says the ninety-six bites our friendly Honduran immigrant received were actually in self defense after the dude and some buddies hit the dog with a rake. Assemblyman Neil Cohen went to visit the dog and decided, hey, this dog’s fine: “Congo had sat patiently and played with a ‘Hanukkah toy’ from Cohen, while reporters and photographers accompanied the legislator.”

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This Word Can Also Mean That Word

Geeze, what a horrible thing! Well, at least he’s getting the chance to win his title back. Huh? Oh, it’s a dog. (Oh, it’s the dog Chase and Jen Utley restored to good health! Even better.) Well, that’s still pretty bad, though it’s less likely to turn into an inspirational movie.

Burned, Beaten Boxer Gets Second Chance [NBC 10]

Dog With Four Legs Stolen By ‘Thugs’

Thugs steal puppy from woman, reads the headline, for that is what happened.

Yes, in Souderton, Bucks County, a woman had the schnoodle (one of those hybrid mutts) she’d gotten just 12 hours earlier taken by two men. “Nice-looking puppy,” the one man said “snidely,” the paper reported, before snatching it from the 62-year-old woman.

And in case you happen to see a dog you think is the kidnapee (not pictured above, but aww):

Authorities are still determining what motivated the men to steal the dog, which is recognized for its loyalty, intellect and love of a game of fetch.

So, you know, a dog that likes to play fetch. Shouldn’t be too hard to find.

Jack Kelly Unsure Of How Many Legs Ducks Have

Jack Kelly, the at-large City Councilman, who has proposed the foy grass ban, is running for re-election along with the rest of council. He’s in a tough fight with upstart fellow at-large candidate David Oh, and so he’s totally pulling out all the stops by, uh, using cute dogs to get the public’s attention. (The other minority party at-large candidate, Frank Rizzo Jr., could probably run a dogfighting ring and still get elected.)

A billboard on I-95 in the Northeast attempts to get the public’s vote: “Jack Kelly. Fighting for everyone. Two legged. And four-legged.” Ducks, of course, have two legs, so presumably Kelly is attempting to get the dog-lover vote. Or maybe he wants the all-important Barbaro fan support!

Anyway, Kelly explained his support to Metro: “I love animals. I’ll be first one to admit a weak spot for them. The three groups most vulnerable are children, seniors and animals. I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” Oh, man, he’s using the “think of the children/seniors/animals” platform. Next he’s going to run an ad where David Oh is elected and a nuke hits Philly.

Protecting “four-legged” friends? [Metropolis]

Cute Doggies To Invade Pennsylvania In Nov.

I’ve seen media hordes around star athletes. I’ve seen media hordes around politicians holding hamburger buns in a reference to a 20-year-old catchphrase. (It was the LOLcat of its day.) I’ve even seen media hordes crowded around an anonymous guy in a giant shark mascot costume.

Before today, though, I had never stood behind a media horde attempting to photograph a group of dogs. Yes, that’s right, the above photo of photographers laying on the ground is because they’re taking photos of doggies who are drinking from martini glasses. (They’re drinking water.)

Today was a press conference for the National Dog Show, which is returning to the Pennsylvania Convention Center from November 15-18. I learned a bunch of facts about dogs and the dog show and the Philadelphia Kennel Club — did you know it predates the American Kennel Club? — today, but mainly I just looked at the doggies and went, “Aww.”

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Cute Wittle Doggies Attack Owner

Earlier this week, the good ladies over at Jezebel — Do men read blogs for women because (1) they’re good and (2) girls are cute? Yes, yes they do — wrote about an alarming number of animals-attack-humans stories in the news.

It was as if the little cutesy balls of fur decided to turn on us because we give them homes and food and pet them and love them, or possibly because we also fight them and race them and make their livers big and slaughter them for food.

Now, the panic has spread to Philadelphia, as a Wissinoming woman was attacked by her own pit bulls, perhaps as retaliation for Michael Vick’s actions, the first dogfighting that has ever taken place in the United States. She’s in stable condition.

And, yes, this is just an excuse to run another puppy photo. Hey, it’s a slow news week. I mean, have you seen Metro? (More on this later.)

Today God’s Creatures Opened Up A Can Of Whup-Ass [Jezebel]
Philadelphia Woman Attacked By Her Own Dogs [KYW 1060]

Magical Fetch-Teaching Dog Park Shuttered

Yesterday, the Inquirer’s Daniel Rubin wrote about the shuttering of a dog park in Fairmount, and the related protest by dog owners and their dogs.

Ex-Inquirer writer Ralph Cipriano sued to have the Eastern State Penitentiary Park’s dog park shut down, since everybody left all their shit there (literally). The park is now closed, and a few dozen dog owners want it back open. Protest organizer Karen Clark, 65, talks about her Cavalier King Charles spaniel, Sunshine.

“The park became a place that Sunshine and I looked forward to going to,” she says. “He likes me to throw a tennis ball, and he likes to bring it back. He literally taught me the game of fetch. I had never played with a dog. It gave me this new excitement about living.”

Yeah, that fetch is a pretty hard game to pick up. Tune in next week when Sunshine teaches Clark how to play rock paper scissors.

Daniel Rubin | Yapping, snapping dogfight sparked by a park’s closing [Inquirer]
[Photo by Noah Bulgaria, licensed via Creative Commons]