Allentown Hippies Safe From Bear Attacks

Breathe easy, stoners of the exurbs! You are now free to play disc golf without the threat of black bears.

A black bear — not to be confused with a cougar, a coyote or a puma, other frequent (”frequent”) area terrorists — was seen in the Lehigh Valley area, eating out of bird feeders and scaring away salmon.

But tensions reached new heights when he was spotted on a disc golf course at Upper Macungie Park, leading a coalition of stoners, hippies and stoner hippies to protest for a bear patrol. Now they may play their impossible sport in peace.

Black Bear Caught Near Lehigh Co. Disc Golf Course [CBS 3]