Del. Likely To Legalize Sports Gambling

Get this, fools: The Daily News reports today that Delaware is likely to approve sports gambling next year, with patrons possibly able to bet on sports by summer. Whee! By the time those Philadelphia casinos open, there won’t be any reason to go to them (except free drinks).

How can Delaware legalize sports gambling? It experimented with it briefly in the 70s, so it’s essentially grandfathered in (along with Nevada, Oregon and Montana); a 1992 federal law prevents gambling on sports except horse racing, because that’s a rich person hobby. (Note: I’m not saying anything bad about horse racing; I love it! But that’s because I hate horses.)

Don’t get too excited, though, it’s going to be stupid for some reason:

Unlike in Nevada, gamblers won’t be able to place a bet on a single sporting event.

Instead, he said: “You’ll have to place a ‘parlay bet’ - a minimum of two bets. You can bet the Eagles to win by seven [points], but you also have to bet [on something like] Brian Westbrook rushing for 100 yards.”

Of course! How dare gamblers be able to bet on something with decent odds. They might win money that way. Now they’ll have to get two bets right in order to win money (if I understand that correctly). No word on where these casinos are going to be, but one might guess places like Dover Downs, Delaware Park and Harrington Raceway, which already have slot machines and recently added roulette.

On a side note, the new places to eat at Dover Downs that opened in September have already closed. Ooh, I can’t wait to go already! When’s the MBNA Best Buy 400, we’ll make it a week down there!

Stolen Chicken Found In New Jersey

Ahh, yes: The 57,000 pounds of chicken stolen from a Delaware food bank has been found, naturally, in Jersey City.

Someone who saw the story on the news phoned police after seeing the stolen Food Bank of Delaware trucks in the northern New Jersey town. There’s still food in there — no word on its condition — and police have no suspects. Even if it’s spoiled, give it to the hungry people anyway. They gotta eat!

Chickens Stolen from Del. Food Bank Found in Jersey City [KYW 1060]

57K Pounds Of Chicken Stolen In Del.

Still missing this morning in Delaware: 57,000 pounds of chicken, stolen from a Delaware food bank.

Two trailers and a freightliner tractor from the Food Bank of Delaware were stolen over the weekend, leaving the bank with only two vehicles left. The head of the bank says food donations are down, costs are up, etc.

The three stolen vehicles are, of course, marked with the insignia of the Food Bank of Delaware. Be on the lookout for a few very hungry men.

57,000 lbs. of chicken stolen from food bank [6 ABC]
Photo via dannyboyster, Creative Commons license

Duo Fakes Robbery To Get Free Wii

Amazingly, the Wii is still a hot product over a year after its release. Why, two dudes in Delaware allegedly pretended they had been robbed by a man at a shopping center in order to get his Nintendo Wii.

19-year-old, Darryl Justin Cebenka and 20-year-old Rocco Gross, both of Wilmington, allegedly told police they were robbed by a man with a gun; cops later found a pellet gun and clothing in a trash compactor. Cops also found a suspect at the shopping center — but, apparently, the pair just made it up so they could steal the dude’s Wii.

The tee vee news told us: “Cebenka posed as the buyer and Grossi carried out the robbery in order to get the victim’s Wii for nothing.” I have no idea how this plan was about to work. Whoops!

[image via Orange Alexander]

Del. Wine Store Is Against Speakeasies

The Inquirer today has a story about Pennsylvania residents illegally crossing into New Jersey and Delaware to buy liquor. Because of the tax still levied on alcohol from the 1936 Johnstown flood — which the state is apparently still devastated from — alcohol is much more expensive in the Keystone State than elsewhere.

Technically, it’s illegal to buy liquor in a neighboring state and bring it back into Pennsylvania. But how likely are you to be caught? Well, only 11 people were cited in Pennsylvania last year for illegally importing alcohol.

The manager of Total Wine and More, in Delaware, says he’s just making a living. But, hey, he doesn’t sell to Al Capone and his cronies!

“We don’t knowingly sell to speakeasies and restaurants because we don’t condone that at all,” Grunes said.

The state won’t ever repeal the law because it brings in a million billion dollars a year, which the state legislators then spend on themselves.

Crossing the border with booze not exactly a high-profile crime [Inquirer]
[Image of L.C. Bee]

Serial Puppy Thieves On Loose In Delaware

Three women — see, it wasn’t me — stole a West Highland White Terrier puppy from a pet shop, which is a place you shouldn’t pay to get a dog from, let alone steal. The Pet Place is Hockessin, Del, is now missing a $600 female pup, the second Westie taken from the store in just over a month.

According to The Early Show, though, police departments are now using CSI-type tools and, uh, special effects to solve animal crimes. Animal CSI, they’re calling it.

“I have to be the voice. I have to be the voice of the animal… It is very much just like ‘CSI,’ except our victims cannot testify,” says the forensic vet of the New York ASPCA. Of course, prosecutors have decried the CSI effect, which makes it harder to get convictions since jurors are expecting slam dunk cases. It’s best to just help the animals, though.

[Image licensed via Creative Commons]

Del. Man Sues Doctors For Doing Shitty Job

A Delaware man has filed a lawsuit against several doctors for allegedly screwing up a reversal of his colostomy in 2005 that made him piss out his ass and shit out his penis.

Doctors originally allegedly messed up his colostomy by accidentally stapling his colon to the bladder instead of the rectal stump, The News-Journal reports. This accidentally made him pass stool and gas through his penis.

Go ahead, go clean up your vomit, I’ll be here to finish the story after you’re finished.

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Naked Man Causes Car Accidents

A man from the Philly area was arrested for drunkenly streaking on I-95, causing three car accidents in the process.

Police say 26-year-old Ardonas Gilbert was running on the Southbound lanes around 10 Monday night on I-95 in Delaware. Allegedly, two citizens attempted to help Gilbert, but he assaulted them in return and ran onto the highway, causing three separate accidents.

I really love the CBS 3 URL, which includes this: Streaker.naked.nude. It’s like they’re trying to get as many search engine hits as possible. That’s actually not a bad idea.

Del. Streaker Wreaks Havoc On I-95 [AP/CBS 3]

‘Diabolical Killer’ Fails To Kill Anyone

After allegedly stabbing a co-worker at Houlihan’s who spurned his romantic advances, as well as another woman who tried to intervene, a 23-year-old Delaware man told reporters, “I’m proud of what I’ve done. I am a fucking diabolical killer.”¹

I feel really bad for the girl. Not only was she stabbed, but she worked at Houlihan’s.

Update: His name is Daniel Yoon. Well, at least we know his parents had good taste in names.

¹ The story just used “expletive,” so I took a guess.

Crush Leads To Stabbing At Del. Restaurant [CBS 3]

‘Mall Rats’ Infiltrate Delaware Mall

I don’t think I’ve ever been to the Christiana Mall, but I’m glad I grew up ratting around classy malls like Franklin Mills and Neshaminy, because the mall in Delaware is apparently out of control.

Action News reports there was a fight of over 1,000 people at the Christiana Mall on some recent day (today? yesterday? the story doesn’t tell!). Although there was a giant food court brawl, the real story is the awesome way 6 ABC’s Lauren Wilson tells it:

People tell Action News it had all the makings of an Animal House movie. There were several brawls and a major food fight all involving up to 1,000 teenagers, but what happened here at the Christiana Mall was very real.

Two Delaware State Troopers assigned to the mall immediately called for back-up, but merchants and shoppers didn’t wait for help to come. L’Tonya Taylor says the Christiana Mall has turned into a weekend hangout for lots of area kids.

Often called mall rats¹, Bushweller acknowledges roaming, unsupervised juveniles, some as young as ten have become a concern here at the Christiana Mall. Christiana Mall officials refused to comment or even allow Action News on their property Monday morning.

Actually, now that I think about it, that sounds pretty awesome. A food fight with 1,000 people? 1,000 people who don’t wait for help to come? Next Friday I’m headed to Delaware with a video camera, a bag of tomatoes and a plan to say, “Girl, you hear what that slut across the room said about you?”

¹ Once again, the media bows to the PC Nazis in order to avoid criticism. Don’t call them mall rats. Call ‘em what they are: Terrorists.

Investigation into Massive Brawl at Mall [6 ABC]