York Co. Man Commits Greatest Crime Ever, Charged With Conspiracy To Commit Greatest Crime Ever

A man from Stewartstown, York County, Pennsylvania, population 1,752, has been charged with theft, hindering apprehension of a suspect and conspiracy for allegedly beheading a statue of Ronald McDonald.

Wait, this dude destroyed a Ronald McDonald statue. That creepy one where he’s sitting on a bench or whatever. Shouldn’t we be hailing him as a national hero instead of charging him with conspiracy to defile a statue? And if somebody from Adbusters hasn’t started a defense fund for the 22-year-old alleged statue defiler already, I’m expecting it.

Jason Anthony Nocar, of Hopewell Township, allegedly decided to kidnap Ronald McDonald (in statue form) from the yard of a man who has had the statue for years and apparently kept it in the yard to frighten neighbors and advertise hamburgers. Nocar allegedly stole the 300-pound statue. The owner, Joy Greiger, found the decapitated head of Ronald about two weeks later with his eyes crossed out.

Police are, naturally, looking for a second suspect, since it’s unusual for random dudes to be able to lift 300 pound ceramic statues. (They should totally make this a contest in one of those toughman competitions.) Owner Grieger, though, isn’t going to replace the statue:

Thomas Grieger, Joy Grieger’s husband, said Sunday he’s glad an arrest has been made. But he’s not looking to get a new statue.

He’s been told McDonald’s does not make sitting, concrete Ronald McDonald statues anymore. The company hasn’t for more nearly 30 years, he said, so the statue is irreplaceable.

Even if he could get another one, he said he doubts he would.

“It’s like you have a neat old car, and it gets wrecked,” Thomas Grieger said. “You don’t go out and get a new one. You move on.”

That loud exhale you just heard were Grieger’s neighbors breathing a collective sigh of relief.

1 nabbed in theft of statue [York Daily Record]