Mint Hopes New Dollar Coins Will Capture Americans’ Interest For Whole Week This Time

Whoo! Are you excited? Today is the day! Now that we’ve fully established that we Americans don’t want a coin with a woman on it, the U.S. mint has returned to the traditional system of dead white men on coins. And guess what they’re on this time: A new dollar coin!

Yes, today is the release of the new dollar coins, sure to annoy all of us when we put in a $20 to buy some stamps and get like 10 George Washington dollar coins in change. The new dollar coin is the latest attempt by the American government to ween us off the paper $1 bill, since coins can last longer and, therefore, save money. (As they say, you gotta spend money to make money. Okay, I apologize for that one.)

The new coins feature all of our presidents, in succession, with a new one coming out every three months. Who doesn’t want a coin of noted alleged gay president James Buchanan? (Coincidentally, he’s the only president from Pennsylvania. Also coincidentally, he was an awful, awful president. He also started a war with Mormons!) Or how about Millard Fillmore? Or, even better, the special limited edition William Henry Harrison coin (above) that is only valid for 30 days? Or the Grover Cleveland coin, which will come out on two non-consecutive occasions? (Okay, I’m sorry for all of these, too.)

Yes, these coins are sure to capture our hearts for at least a week until we forget about them — except when we get them from vending machines — and simply use paper bills like we’re always going to do. God Bless America!

New $1 coin goes into circulation [AP/Philly.com]