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Jan
7
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Jill Porter: Running a “carriage house” with no heat and all? Not really the best thing for a landlord to do.
Dave Davies: If everyone just goes to the FBI every time there’s a corrupt politician in town, how many politicians are we going to have left in Philadelphia? None, people. Actually, hey, perfect idea.
Carol Towarnicky: Hey, this issue I’m going to write about? It’s all about the kids, that’s what I care about. First time anybody’s done something for the children, I know.
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dmac | 9:59 AM | 0 Comments
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Nov
24
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Jill Porter: “The meticulous streets were awash in yellow ribbons during Desert Storm. It’s a matter of pride.” WHOOOO EARLY 90s! Unfortunately, the column does not mention Zubaz or Starter jackets, but I can only assume they’re all part of this, too.
Dave Davies: Was the economy really going well until very recently? Was the current recession really that surprising? Rhetorical questions for another time. More importantly, here’s what people are mad at Michael Nutter about:
He doesn’t listen to people.
He tries to be everything to everybody, and hasn’t identified clear priorities.
He’s failed to make tough decisions, like taking on the unions and getting employee-benefit costs under control.
His abandonment of tax cuts is a shortsighted, job-killing strategy that encourages the middle class to abandon the city.
Number one is probably a good thing, depending on who he’s ignoring. And how the hell is he going to take on the unions in Philadelphia? Eh, whatever, the more people who hate politicians the better.
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dmac | 7:34 AM | 0 Comments
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Nov
6
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Stu Bykofsky: Because Barack Obama is president, no one should complain about racism anymore. This is pretty much the same thing Bill Bennett said on TV the other night. I would compare Stu to him, but that would be mean. This column is way more upbeat, though.
John Baer: Bob Casey is pals with Barack Obama! What, you mean Obama doesn’t hang out with Pennsylvania’s senior senator, 135-year-old Arlen Specter?
Ronnie Polaneczky: “Two days ago, as I cast my hope for Barack Obama, I didn’t want to leave the blue-curtained cocoon of the voting booth.” That’s the first sentence; I’m not reading any more than that.
Dave Davies: This one is worth a few minutes of your time. It’s a good read!
By the end of the day, “Black Panther” was the second-most- frequently-used search term on Google, and Stalberg was fielding a call from a London reporter asking about Black Panthers’ intimidating white Republican voters at a polling place.
“Basically, it was all horsebleep,” Stalberg said yesterday. “I assured him there weren’t a lot of Republican voters there, and it wasn’t much of a problem.”
Ha, ha. Still a newspaper man at heart, Committee of 70 head Zack Stalberg says “horsebleep” so they don’t have to censor his words.
Michael Smerconish: Two days after the election, political radio host Michael Smerconish is writing about… ways to make the Phillies parade better, of course. I hope Christine Flowers writes about how much she loves Hersheypark tomorrow!
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dmac | 11:23 AM | 2 Comments
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Oct
31
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Dave Davies: This column has been written to correct all the misinformation on conservative blogs about a previous Davies column about street money. Wait, what?
Elmer Smith: Hey, people want to open a charter school just for foster kids!
Jill Porter: Every time Vince Fumo is indicted, the Phillies win a title! Oh, I just knew Vince had done this all for us.
Christine Flowers: “Tampa Bay is a young team, a good team, an honorable team.” Ha, ha, Christine Flowers sports columns are awesome.
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dmac | 9:45 AM | 0 Comments
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Jul
1
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Elmer Smith: A group of free-market ideologues at the Institute for Justice are going to sue in hopes of eliminating the tour guide regulation put through City Council last year. I have some new heroes, ladies and gentlemen.
Ronnie Polaneczky: Be an organ donor, you idiots. And once a majority of people are organ donors maybe the Institute for Justice can campaign to let our survivors sell our organs.
Dave Davies: OMG Dave Davies got to meet noted pop star John McCain and was all ga-ga over what he got to ask him! Oooh!
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dmac | 8:38 AM | 0 Comments
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Jun
20
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Elmer Smith: He thinks your vote matters.
Jill Porter: Hey, apparently — and I know this is kinda wild — people have the right to protest police procedures without being detained by the police.
Dave Davies: Ha ha, here’s a whole column about how L&I never comes out for anything but did come out for these protesters of police brutality. It’s probably my favorite column by anyone so far this year.
Okay, besides that Christine Flowers column where she defended police brutality and then the next week claimed no one defended police brutality.
Christine Flowers: If you vote for president on any issue besides the Supreme Court, you’re wrong, stupid! Anyway, Flowers thinks the federal government should be able to lock up anyone it chooses for no reason. Are you surprised?
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dmac | 8:18 AM | 0 Comments
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Jun
5
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Wednesday
Jill Porter: There has never been a more complicated issue in the history of mankind than Rick’s Steaks leaving the Reading Terminal Market.
John Baer: It’s about Obama, and it’s pretty good I guess.
Thursday
Dave Davies: We now have a strict deadline from the Daily News for the mayor to stop taking advantage of a loophole in the city’s campaign finance laws.
Stu Bykofsky: Stu thinks Bonnie & Clyde should get more than 5 years in prison. Also, he is starting to write awesome endings in every single column.
Maybe the best punishment Bonnie & Clyde got was the public exposure and humiliation.
Thank you, Regina Medina.
Ronnie Polaneczky: This is a column that namedrops other Daily News columnists. Not just at the end this time. Throughout.
Michael Smerconish: Smerconish was quoted by Bill Clinton in a press release! “Independent observers continue to praise President Clinton’s abilities on the stump: ‘I have always said that Bill Clinton is still par excellence among all of them .’”
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dmac | 9:47 AM | 0 Comments
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Mar
6
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Dave Davies: Right, so Obama is going to try to register a ton of people to vote before the primary; the deadline’s March 24.
John Baer: Look, Pennsylvania is “Hillary’s to lose”! Right, so perhaps her campaign will attempt to stop people from registering to vote.
Michael Smerconish: Is there anybody, anymore, who believes the best cheesesteak in the city comes from either Geno’s or Pat’s? Not even anything against the cheesesteaks at the 9th and Passyunk institutions; we’ve just moved on. Why does every writer reference in it in ‘overview of Philadelphia’ columns? It’s kind of the newspaper equivalent of a LOLcat.
Stu Bykofsky: Stu Bykofsky says a half-dozen dogs were at the Dog Justice Rally at Verizon HQ yesterday, along with 50 people. Drag, and PW forgot to film it.
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dmac | 9:50 AM | 2 Comments
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Jan
24
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Ronnie Polaneczky: Oh, I see, Paris Hilton goes to Franklin Mills and all of a sudden everyone’s jumping on the “let’s talk about Franklin Mills” bandwagon. Anyway, yes, Paris Hilton is at the Franklin Mills movie theater today; that sentence cannot really be improved upon.
Stu Bykofsky: I have a dream, bitches!
Dave Davies: Ah, ha ha, Ed Rendell and Bill Clinton are the same person! Also: Ed Rendel, Secretary of Energy?
Michael Smerconish: “We’re clearly aided by an ability to spot a whopper when we hear one, a skill obviously lacking in Scientologists and Mormons. Maybe it’s our grounding in the Old and New Testament that enables us to easily size up the preposterous nature of the customs that guys like Cruise and Romney follow.” People understand these kinds of arguments make absolutely no sense, right?
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dmac | 10:25 AM | 3 Comments
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Dec
4
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Dave Davies: Yesterday, a New Coke reference. Today, we get Charlie’s Angels, which means tomorrow somebody will mention Woodstock. This column has ideas for Mayor Nutter to do.
Ronnie Polaneczky: If blood is spilled on your property, you have to clean it up yourself — or, more likely, hire a clean up company to do it. Polaneczky tells a woman traumatized by having to clean up blood this and it gets sadder. She responds, “That would’ve been good to know. I wish someone had thought to tell us.”
Elmer Smith: Imus is back from his suspension for calling a group of girls whores.
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dmac | 10:51 AM | 0 Comments
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