Darren Daulton’s Ring For Sale

Not everyone is as lucky as the bankers and automakers; not all of us can just go to Congress and ask it to print up some free money. And, so, yet another consequence of the poor economy: Pro athletes are selling their beloved championship rings.

THe website Championship-Rings.net lists a ton of athletes’ title rings for sale, including this 1993 National League championship ring and Darren Daulton’s 1983 NL pennant ring! Daulton played only 2 games in the 1983 season as a September callup, so perhaps he’s not too attached to that one. The ‘93 ring says it is also from a player; no word if Jeff Manto needs some cash.

You can also get this 1913 Philadelphia A’s ring if you have, like, a million billion dollars.

The site also has this ring from the 1976 All-Star game in Philadelphia that belonged to Bob Lemon. The Hall of Famer retired in 1958, so one can assume it was just a really weak league that year.

Last but not least, there’s this “sample ring” from the 2008 World Series; it has Pete Rose’s name on the side so you can totally fool your friends and say you got Charlie Hustle’s World Series ring. A steal at $3,000!

There are a ton of rings in other sports, too: There’s this 1980 NFC Champions Eagles ring that belonged to an unnamed player and this sample ring from the same year. Naturally, these were made by Jostens, so they’ll match your high school graduation ring. There’s also a staff member’s 2004 NFC ring.

The Flyers are a little more flush, as there appear to only be sample rings available for the Stanley Cup wins. Nothing from the 76ers; those two teams either don’t sell their rings or sell them on the black market. And if you’re really interested, an XFL championship ring is available for just $16,000.

Update: Look! 1985 Villanova National Championship ring! Penn State 1982 national title! PSU’s 1994 undefeated season!

Man, who buys all this crap?

Darren Daulton Talks Only Baseball, Sadly

Dan Levy interviewed Darren Daulton (!) on a recent episode of his On The DL podcast; unfortunately, the two only talked baseball and not Daultonian Metaphysics.

It’s still quite a fun interview, as — unlike, say, baseball analysts like John Kruk — Daulton appears to actually understand the game of baseball and makes some decent points. (On a semi-related note: Ditto Mitch Williams, who is quickly becoming my favorite post-game analyst.)

Darren Daulton lands on the DL in a Special Episode [On the DL Podcast]

I Just Got Darren Daulton’s Book In The Mail

I am so excited to read this.

Darren Daulton’s Book Is Out!

As you may know, former Phillies catcher Darren Daulton believes the world is going to end in 2012. He also says rosin bags are some sort of dimensional gateway, I think: “Sure. A rosin bag is just a mirage of innumerable particles constantly speeding up or slowing down. But the Fourth and Fifth Dimensions remain unseen by most people. Their vibrations are at a lower frequency.”

Well, Daulton has finally released his book, If Only They Knew, which is not a memoir of his baseball career but a treatise on Daultonian metaphysics.

With If They Only Knew, Darren joins
a growing list of prominent authors discussing the subjects of the metaphysical. It has been prompted by an increased awareness and interest in the spiritual aspects of our being and our place in the world.

In If They Only Knew Darren talks about issues of ascension such as dimensions and levels of consciousness, the prophesy of the Mayan Calendar and December 21, 2012, looking within our selves to create our own reality, the energies of awakening and a lot more.

A review on Amazon says Daulton feels he has been “chosen… to awaken us.” Oh, I’m sorry, you’re not reading this anymore, since you’ve already rushed to the website to purchase the book. My copy is on its way!

If Only They Knew [Amazon]
If Only They Knew [DarrenDaulton.com]

Phils Win, Fans Make Futile Attempts To Catch Homer

Hey, the Phillies rallied to win on Ryan Howard’s walkoff shot last night, and they’ve won the first two games in a “must-win” series against the Mets. The Inquirer has a photo gallery of last night’s game; above, the fans attempt to catch Jimmy Rollins’ homer in the 8th inning.

Well, some of them do, at least. The woman in the black might not be close enough to catch the ball, but she wouldn’t be able to anyway. Both hands directly into the air is not the recommended baseball catching technique. Other things learned from this picture: People still wear Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirts, Darren Daulton (back right in green) time-traveled in from 2012 to catch the game.

Howard Powered [Inquirer]
Slideshow: Howard’s Walk Off HR in 10th beats the Mets [Philly.com]

Sports In Brief

• Ex-Flyer Rick Tocchet was sentenced to two years probation for his role in an illegal gambling ring. (Because sports gambling should only be done by giant monolithic corporations in resort towns.) A former New Jersey state trooper has to spend 5 years in prison, because he’s not a former hockey player. [KYW 1060]

• Donovan McNabb will play for the first time since last year’s injury tonight in a preseason game at the Linc. Meanwhile, Freddie Mitchell will be begging for change outside the stadium. [Daily News]

• In other Donovan news, he has a frightening new commercial for Vitamin Water. A relative of Orville Redenbacher helps him train to get back to football, or something. This ad also contains the newspaper the Manayunk Gazette. [The 700 Level]

• Darren Daulton: “People talk about speaking with lizards and stuff.” [Comcast SportsNet]

PWD People Of The Year: Darren Daulton

We Phillies fans think about the 1993 Phillies a decent amount, since they’re the most recent Fightins squad to actually make it to the playoffs. But nothing would have prepared us for Darren Daulton, who this February revealed that he thinks the world is going to end when the Mayans said it would.

But that’s not all! The former Phillies catcher — who has been arrested “five or six” times and who did eventually win a World Series with the Marlins in 1997 — calls his theories “metaphysics.” He believes (loosely copied from my original post):

• Daulton defines metaphysics as anything beyond the five senses: reincarnation, the fourth and fifth dimensions, out-of-body experiences.
• Dutch says his car accident in Jan. 2001, where he was arrested for drunk driving, was actually someone intentionally running him off the road because of a business deal with ties to the FBI and White House.
• He once got the game-winning hit against the Cubs (while with the Marlins) and, afterward, started crying. He told his wife “I didn’t hit that ball. Something happened, but it wasn’t me.”
• Daulton subscribes (loosely) to the Mayan theory: The world will end on Dec. 12, 2012, at exactly 11:11 GMT. At that time, the chosen will simply vanish from the plane of existence.
• During his last stint in prison, he wrote a 32,000-word manuscript titled If They Only Knew! that’s all about his theories.
• Dutch thinks the secrets of the pyramids are strategically placed all around the galaxy (the moon, Mars, and the like.).
• And here’s his feeling on rosin bags: “Sure. A rosin bag is just a mirage of innumerable particles constantly speeding up or slowing down. But the Fourth and Fifth Dimensions remain unseen by most people. Their vibrations are at a lower frequency.”

Oh, Darren. Why is John Kruk on Baseball Tonight and not you?

Philadelphia Will Do People of the Year | The List So Far
Feb. 17: Daultonian Metaphysics, explained

Leftovers: Puppies ‘n’ such

• Darren Daulton doesn’t care if you think he’s off his rocker. When his book comes out, you’ll convert to Daultonian Metaphysics. [Inky]

• Slate’s Seth Stevenson gives those creepy effing VW ads with the evil robot thing in the car an A-. Next, he’s going to give the puppy at left (via Flickr) an A+ times (infinity + 1), since clearly his grading system is inflated. [Slate]

• Barry Bonds did steroids! Wait. His head got as big as a novelty oversized beach ball. Didn’t everyone already know he was on the juice? [SI.com]

• Now that we’ve cut Iraq’s murder rate down to 0, ended the drug war, solved the problem of AIDS, it’s time for the flag burning amendment. Because, you know, these are the things that are important. [Wonkette]

• The guy who invented Hotmail — with a partner, and it was called HoTMaiL back then — is back to rethink blogging. Or, as he calls it, BLoGGiNG. [Financial Times via digg]

• Don’t extinguist those cigs just yet, New Jerseyans: A federal lawsuit has been filed against the ban. [AP/Camden Courier-Post]

Daultonian Metaphysics, explained

Darren Daulton is awesome. That’s all I can say about it. He’s awesome. He’s my new favorite ex-Phillie. He might be the greatest player of all time. No, the greatest person of all time.

Since he retired after winning a World Series with the Marlins in 1997, Darren Daulton hasn’t quite enjoyed the success of his 1993 Phillies peers. John Kruk is on ESPN. Lenny Dykstra owns a chain of car washes. Wes Chamberlain has a lucrative career with his organic soybean farm. (Okay, I made that last one up.) But Darren Daulton has been arrested “five or six” times, has reportedly had money woes (he denies this), &c. &c.

But now, all is okay, because — as reported on SI.com and in the Daily News — Darren Daulton is now into metaphysics. What does that mean, exactly? Let’s do this in charticle form:

• Daulton defines metaphysics as anything beyond the five senses: reincarnation, the fourth and fifth dimensions, out-of-body experiences. He doesn’t say time travel, but we all have to assume that’s included, too.
• Dutch says his car accident in Jan. 2001, where he was arrested for drunk driving, was actually someone intentionally running him off the road because of a business deal with ties to the FBI and White House.
• He once got the game-winning hit against the Cubs (while with the Marlins in this final season) and, afterward, started crying. He told his wife “I didn’t hit that ball. Something happened, but it wasn’t me.”
• Daulton subscribes (loosely) to the Mayan theory: The world will end on Dec. 12, 2012, at exactly 11:11 GMT. At that time, the chosen will simply vanish from the plane of existence.
• During his last stint in prison, he wrote a 32,000-word manuscript titled If They Only Knew! that’s all about his theories.
• Dutch thinks the secrets of the pyramids are strategically placed all around the galaxy (the moon, Mars, &c.).
• And here’s his feeling on rosin bags: “Sure. A rosin bag is just a mirage of innumerable particles constantly speeding up or slowing down. But the Fourth and Fifth Dimensions remain unseen by most people. Their vibrations are at a lower frequency.”

Darren Daulton, everyone! I can’t wait to buy his book. Someone find this man a publisher.

Beam us up, Dutchie [SI.com]
Daulton caught off base [DN]