One Alleged Cheater On Another Alleged Cheater

Last year’s Tour de France winner, Floyd Landis, was in the area over the weekend to (1) plug his book and (2) explain that he didn’t cheat. Apparently — whoops! — Landis didn’t actually cheat to win the Tour last year because the tests were screwed up and blah blah blah. So, yeah, he didn’t cheat, apparently; sorry we all thought you were guilty, Floyd! (I don’t really care; I think riders should be able to pump as many drugs as they want into their system, because that makes them faster riders and lets them hit longer home runs. Imagine how far Ryan Howard could hit homers if he were on steroids! But I digress.)

Comcast SportsNet’s John Finger interviewed Landis while he was in his native Lancaster and asked him a bunch of questions, including one about Lance Armstrong.

The guy is obsessed. With whatever he does he is obsessed, and whatever he does he wants to be the best at it. Ultimately, he doesn’t have a lot of close friends because of it and he winds up not being the nicest guy.

It’s nice when athletes don’t mince words, although it would have been more direct if he had just said, “Lance Armstrong is an asshole.”

All done [Finger Food]

Mennonite Cyclist Can’t Dance, Compete Without Cheating

Floyd Landis, the Tour de France champion who inspired “Amber Alert” postings online, tested positive late last week for elevated levels of testosterone. “Oh no!” those even with a vague interest in sports said. “He cheated to win?”

“No, no,” said Landis, who claimed that his testosterone levels were naturally high and not an evidence of blood doping. “Phew,” we said.

“Not so fast,” says the New York Times. In an article in today’s paper, a source at the International Cycling Union reveals that some of Landis’ testosterone in his sample was synthetic.

Dun dun dun. His doctor, though, is still keeping the faith:

Landis’s personal doctor, Dr. Brent Kay of Temecula, Calif., said he hoped that the results of Landis’s… initial [testosterone to epitestosterone ratio] test were false positives. He did, however, acknowledge that the initial test found a ratio of 11 to 1 in Landis’s system. He and Landis are seeking an explanation for that high level. [Note: The limit is 4 to 1]

“I’ve seen bodybuilders with numbers 100 to 1,” Kay said. “Although Floyd’s was elevated, it’s not off the chart or anything.”

Oh. You see, he didn’t cheat as much as bodybuilders! That’s okay, then! Hooray for Floyd! Just shows you can’t trust those shifty Mennonites.

New Finding Challenges Tour Champ’s Claim [NYT]
July 24: Floyd Landis Inspires Child Abduction-Themed Cheers

Floyd Landis Inspires Child Abduction-Themed Cheers

Just when you thought the worst part of the Tour de France the last six years — that’d be the “Tour de Lance” headline puns — this year Lancaster County’s own Floyd Landis ralled from a billion minutes (approx.) behind to win his first Tour de France yesterday. This, of course, led to “Tour de Landis” puns. (Argh!)

Still, hurrah, hurrah! There’s nothing better than having an American go into France and win the biggest cycling event in the world, and so we celebrate Landis’ accomplishment even though he has yet to have any cancer of some sort. But! He needs to get his hip replaced after the Tour!

And his parents didn’t even watch the final leg of the Tour yesterday. They were in church. So here’s a kid with God-fearing, Church-going parents from Amish Country who are good, simple, honest people. How could this story possibly be ruined?

Well, some people are trying. According to Media Life Magazine, some Landis fans had an interesting way of celebrating their hero (emphasis mine):

Landis fever has clearly hit America. His name was the ninth-fastest growing search term on Yahoo Sports Saturday, among big names like IRL driver Danica Patrick and NBA MVP Steve Nash. Ratings for OLN’s Tour coverage have been rising since Landis first grabbed the yellow jersey, and fans on OLN’s messageboards began posting Amber Alerts, referring to his reddish hair.

I can’t think of a better way to cheer.

Floyd wins for America [Media Life Magazine]
This time, call it the Tour de Landis [AP/Philly.com]
Pennsylvania Dutch Country celebrates its homegrown hero [AP/Philly.com]