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Embattled Mayor Tries New Tactic

Via Brad, a press release from the mayor’s office today. (The full subject line is, “MAYOR MICHAEL NUTTER ANNOUNCES MEMBERSHIP OF MAYOR’S CULTURAL ADVISORY COUNCIL.” Aw, I thought things were going to get really interesting.

Demons Still On Loose In Buxco

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The Inquirer gives us more today on the Satanic cult vandalizing churches in Bucks County.

Cops arrested one woman, according to the Inky’s Larry King, but are on the lookout for, uh, demons. 40-year-old Sandralee Banks-Kastrup was arrested for vandalizing St. Michael the Archangel church, but cops want to round up more demons to burn at the stake or try for vandalism or whatever. No names, though:

In recalling his encounter with the purported “demons,” [St. Mike's Pastor Fr. Michael] DiIorio said that it was not threatening, but that it came back to mind during the recent desecrations. “There was nothing remarkable in their dress or demeanor,” DiIorio recalled. “I greet every person in church after the liturgy at the main door. They made themselves last in line.”

When the two visitors reached him, he said, they told him that they wanted him to know “that they had moved into the area and that now they will be here.” When DiIorio asked if they wanted to register with the parish, “they had no intention of doing so.” Instead, he said, “they described themselves by names of demons. They didn’t say ‘Cheryl’ or ‘Samantha.’ It was a demonic name.”

DiIorio said police had told him not to provide further details, including the sex of the visitors. He did say one “would have been in her early 50s,” while the second was younger. “They didn’t use the generic term demon. We’re using that to guard against evidence being contaminated,” DiIorio said. “But they used a name that anyone would associate with demons.”

Why, exactly, do the demons’ names have to be confidential? What if I know them? I know a couple of demons, and I’m hoping they weren’t involved. For instance, I’ve already cleared my demon friend Samantha.

Oh, yeah, and Archdiocese spokeswoman Donna Farrell said she didn’t know of any link between the demonic visitors and the vandalism. Satan sells, I guess.

Ill-spirited acts haunt churches in Bucks [Inquirer]

Dead Spokesgroundhog Walking

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With the introduction of slot machines across Pennsylvania, the rise of Internet gambling and the mafia-run sports books probably rigged by Tim Donaghy, people have so many options to throw away their money nowadays.

As such, lottery ticket sales are down for the first time since 2001. Pennsylvania contributed $965.2 million to state programs for old people in fiscal year 2006, but made only $949.1 mil in FY 2007. Gasp! How will the old people — er, “older Pennsylvanians” — get their… whatever it is the state does for them?!

The lottery did not blame the introduction of slot machines for the slowdown in sales. There apparently wasn’t a big Powerball jackpot last fiscal year, causing people to not lose money to a game with impossible odds.

But this is 2007. (Or, uh, fiscal year 2008.) Nowadays, there needs to be a scapegoat for any failings. And the only possible scapegoat is none other than Gus, second-most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania Although he was apparently responsible for the upturn in instant game tickets as recently as two years ago, we all have short memories.

Sure, back in 2005 Gregory C. Fajt, secretary of the Pennsylvania Department of Revenue, said Gus was “developing this kind of cult mentality, which we just love.” But with scratch-off ticket growth slowing to just 7 percent, the lowest since 1999, it will only be a matter of time before the newest commercial shows Gus’ execution. That’d totally bring in the big bucks.

Pa. Lottery Sales Stumble [AP/6 ABC]
Pennsylvania Lottery officials credit new ’spokes-hog’ for surge in sales [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]