Extended Daylight Savings Time To Doom Us All

Every once in a while, an article comes along that breaks all barriers between parody and seriousness. A reader — even a seasoned media-obsessed reader like myself — simply cannot tell if the people in the article are serious, if the writer is serious or if the article is some sort of elaborate scheme between journalist and source to make readers’ heads explode in confusion. This is one of those articles.

It’s a trick, a treat or a “nightmare.”

The government changes time.

You drive to work in darkness. You drive home in darkness.

Suddenly, child vampires and ghouls are wandering the streets before the sun goes down on Halloween.

And you spend your diminishing daylight hours changing all the clocks on TVs, VCRs, cell phones. (Don’t forget the microwave and coffeemaker.)

For the first time ever, daylight-saving time was pushed back to the first Sunday in November this year. The sun won’t set till 7:30 p.m. on Halloween. In some places, it won’t rise until 7:30 a.m.

The government says the time shift could save energy.

Area psychologists say it will also make us stressed, leave some depressed and possibly weaken our immune systems. And we might never recover.

If only we had such strong writing in the run-up to the Iraq War, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess. The Bucks County Courier Times has given us a wonderful gift: The greatest news story of all time.

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