Buxco Teen/Parent Sex Romp

Above are the mugshots of Lynne Long (left) and Angela Honeycutt, who were charged yesterday with several crimes stemming from a sleepover at Long’s house in Lower Makefield. Honeycutt allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old in the shower while Long encouraged other kids there to listen in.

The woman, a friend of the mother whose son hosted the April 11 party, allegedly talked sex with the boys and kissed a 15-year-old boy before saying, “Who wants to take a shower?”

She then had intercourse with the teen in the shower and later engaged in sexual acts with a 14-year-old boy in the shower, police said.

All the while, the homeowner and mother of the party’s host was listening with some of the boys — ages 14 to 16 — to the moaning in the bathroom, police said. The mother allegedly told the boys, “You can’t tell anyone.”

They’re both charged with a litany of crimes, as you might’ve be able to guess. Conversations involving the word MILF are at present up 900 percent in the area.

Cops: Teen sleepover became sex romp [Bucks County Courier Times]

Penn State Cager Has Fun In Library

Responding to charges related to public masturbation, Nittany Lion basketball player Stanley Pringle told police he had his hands down his pants but was not masturbating.

Yes, yes, I am a bit late to the party on another fine Penn State athlete charged with a crime, so I’ve already been beaten to the “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop” jokes. That still doesn’t make the joke any less hilarious.

Pringle denies masturbation in criminal complaint [Daily Collegian]

Princeton Virgin Beats Himself Up, Breaks Law

Of all the annoying complaints, #1 on the list has to be a rich white dude complaining about discrimination. It used to be the only white people who could legitimately complain they were being seriously discriminated against were suburban skateboarders, but now that John Street gave money to build the John Street Memorial Skate Park (actually, Franklin’s Paine, which I guess sounds better than Rizzo’s Goode), who knows anymore. But, yeah, white dudes complaining about stuff is pretty much “the Internet,” which explains a lot.

But, anyway, sometimes people complaining will go to great lengths to prove they actually are under attack. Case in point? Princeton University junior Francisco Nava, who faked an attack on himself and reported it to the police. Nava claimed the attack took place because of his conservative views. He even sent threatening emails to himself, fellow students and a professor to give his fake attack some merit!

Nava, you see, is part of the Anscombe Society, a campus group that opposes premarital sex. (It is the most popular group on Princeton’s campus.) The group has pow wows where they fantasize about small government and moving to gay-free countries like Iran, but nobody really pays much attention to them because they’re against premarital sex.

Anscombe president Kevin Staley-Joyce, though, shed some light on the situation after a meeting of the club’s virgin members to the Princeton school paper.

“He wanted something big and showy as opposed to the approach that we set out in our mission statement,” Staley-Joyce said. The statement describes Anscombe’s goals as providing “social support and a voice” for students committed to its ideals and “intellectual engagement” on campus.

Once again, a sub-par mission statement has caused more problems than it’s solved.