They Don’t Make Beauty Queens Like They Used To

Incidentally, my life has been improved by the knowledge that one can be named a “North Wildwood beauty queen.”

Cops say beauty queen passed bogus $50s [Daily News]

Alleged Stalker Still Primary Frontrunner

Pennsylvania’s Fifth Congressional District — including Penn State, Oil City and Lock Haven — race has been heating up, with Democrat Bill “Care” Cahir grabbing the endorsement of his wife and dog.

And now, whoops! Republican primary front-runner Derek Walker was charged yesterday with two felonies and four misdemeanors for allegedly stalking his ex-girlfriend, filming her with another man and burglarizing her house.

Filed by Clearfield Police Chief Jeffrey Rhone and signed by [the district attorney], the complaint accuses Walker of using his cell phone to videotape a former girlfriend in an intimate moment with another man on Aug. 25, 2007. To do so, Walker entered the unlocked apartment uninvited and unannounced, according to court documents. The complaint also alleges that he had contact with the woman on two other occasions, despite being told by a police officer on Aug. 25 that he should avoid further contact and that charges were pending.

Just before the charges were filed, state Sen. Joe Scarnati, of Brockway, Jefferson County, Senate president pro tempore and the state’s most powerful lawmaker, endorsed Walker.

Walker, of course, claimed the charges were filed right before the election due to one of his rivals pushing the DA to do so. He also said the charges were false and any “thinking citizen” would still vote for him, the alleged asshole stalker. He’s also been running a TV ad — they have TV out there? — about an encounter one of his rivals had with police last year.

Oh, and he also said his former girlfriend says she supports him 100 percent. Yes, but do all these candidates wear an American flag lapel pin?

Two felonies, four misdemeanors filed days before vote; Candidate says action political [Centre Daily Times]

Alleged Gladiator Maniac Robber Caught

Hey, so cops caught one of the alleged robbers who tied up a Penn dental student and then sat down to watch American Gladiators.

The robbers allegedly went around town using the victim’s ATM card at the Gallery, the Shops at 69th Street and other places that make you wish these guys had better taste than that. Cops eventually caught one of the alleged robbers after he used a stolen card at, uh, the Rite Aid at 23rd and Walnut. Let’s hope the rest of the guys are caught soon, too.

Malibu, Zap, Nitro, Gold, Thunder, Turbo, Tower, Viper and Ice could all not be reached for comment.

Student, 30, bound & held 12 hours in his U. City apartment [Daily News]

U. City Robbers Are Gladiator Maniacs

As you may have read, I was quite the fan of the new American Gladiators, for various reasons. It did fairly well in the ratings and is coming back for another season.

And apparently some robbers liked the show a lot, too, as two men allegedly tied up a Penn dental student and stayed at his apartment to watch a rerun of Gladiators. They also stayed overnight and took his laptop and iPhone.

While I enjoyed the show, I don’t think I’d commit a home invasion to watch it. Even if it was an episode with a lot of Hellga in it.

Home Invaders Hold Man Captive 7 Hours, Watch ‘Gladiator’ [NBC 10]

Commish’s Crime Plan Costs 25 Cents

New Philadelphia Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey has released his crime plan, and it’s sensible-sounding, at least at first glance.

He wants more cops on the street, fewer homicides, lawful stop-and-frisk techniques in high-crime areas. He also wants to work with the community. (Here’s a summary, .pdf format.) And, in case you’re wondering, Segways are mentioned. Yes!

There are also charts and graphs, which you can see from my (slightly edited) copy of a pie-chart at right. If Pac-Man can just eat enough of those big pellets and chase down flashing blue homicide suspects, maybe we can have a crime reduction in this city after all.

PPD’s Crime-Fighting Strategy, .pdf

Dead Dogs, Bad Cops & Thieving City Workers

Obligatory first sentence about media attention paid to Alycia Lane followed by a segue into a bullet-point list of recent people committing funny crimes. KYW 1060 does the same thing but sums it up with a headline: 3 Area High Schools Affected by Unrelated Incidents.

• Philadelphia police officer Malik Snell was arrested for allegedly being the getaway man for a home invasion. See, here’s who shoulda been punched! [Daily News]

• An assistant to Donna Reed Miller was arrested for extortion. Theresa Pinkett allegedly extorted $5,000 and a cell phone in exchange for providing assistance on real estate issues while providing constituent services for Miller. So… Theresa Pinkett is basically “taxes.” [Philadelphia Business Journal]

• The Turnpike Authority dropped a lawsuit against a pair of dead motorists it sued for damage to the roadway. Blah blah outrage blah blah blah. Whatever. I want to be able to sue Barbaro and he’s dead. [Phillyburbs]

• Iraq security firm Blackwater murdered the New York Times‘ dog. OMFG now the people will finally be pissed at Blackwater, not like when they killed humans. [Wonkette]

Serial Puppy Thieves On Loose In Delaware

Three women — see, it wasn’t me — stole a West Highland White Terrier puppy from a pet shop, which is a place you shouldn’t pay to get a dog from, let alone steal. The Pet Place is Hockessin, Del, is now missing a $600 female pup, the second Westie taken from the store in just over a month.

According to The Early Show, though, police departments are now using CSI-type tools and, uh, special effects to solve animal crimes. Animal CSI, they’re calling it.

“I have to be the voice. I have to be the voice of the animal… It is very much just like ‘CSI,’ except our victims cannot testify,” says the forensic vet of the New York ASPCA. Of course, prosecutors have decried the CSI effect, which makes it harder to get convictions since jurors are expecting slam dunk cases. It’s best to just help the animals, though.

[Image licensed via Creative Commons]

It Does A Pavement Good

I’ll have to agree with the Temple News‘ blog over this crime reported in this week’s paper: What a waste of good milk.

Some (presumably drunk, only omit the word “presumably”) Temple student hurled a gallon of milk out the window of his or her (only omit the words “or her”) dorm, splashing the white tasty goodness onto the ground below.

Thanks to poor reporting, though, we don’t know what kind of milk it was. One percent? Skim? Come on, people, this is important journalism.

Milk and Beer: a troubling mixed drink [Broad & Cecil]

New Cameras To End All Crime In City

If you’re following Damon C. Williams’ Twitter — and you should be — then you already know this, but let’s go: The city is spending $8.9 million to install new security cameras.

The city will pay the almost nine mil to Unisys, which will begin rolling out the cameras within three weeks. The first cameras will be at 52nd and Market, but can see over a two-mile radius, so pretty much the police are going to be able to see whatever illegal activity you do anywhere in the city eventually.

Mayor Street will probably be able to watch the cameras from his iPhone. Or, rather, he would be if the cameras were going to work, which they most certainly won’t. This is Philly, come on.

Unisys to run surveillance system for Phila. police [Philadelphia Biz Journal]
Phila. Police Dept. Set to Roll Out New Security Cameras [KYW 1060]

What’s Black And White And Spread All Over?

Hey, Philly and the shore might have shoplifting grandparents, but do they have a criminal with a catchy name and possibly his own theme music?

After almost six months of staking out the area, police in Buckingham, Bucks County have finally caught The Route 413 Paper Shredder.

Thomas D. Garity was charged with three counts of littering, which could lead to a fine of up to $900. He allegedly shredded paper and scattered it around the road “at least 100 times.”

Garity told police he bought a copy of The Philadelphia Inquirer at a shop in Wrightstown every morning and kept it in his truck for a few days. When he got tired of looking at it, he allegedly tore it into 3-inch-wide strips and tossed them out the window.

Damn! The Inquirer ought to be pissed; they just lost a paying customer. Meanwhile, the cops who staked out his territory for night after night are finally happy this thing’s over: “I’ve been bugging my corporals here, saying, “I want this guy caught.’ It’s not like it’s a major crime of the century. But it’s shredded paper. And when the wind hits, it’s all over. It’s a mess.”

Police nab Route 413 paper shredder [The Intelligencer]