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Ultra-Disgusting Local Child Sex Attempt!

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You may have heard already about the ex-York teacher arrested for soliciting sex with a woman and her daughters online. He thought it was a woman and her daughters; unluckily for him, it was a police officer.

Anyway, the overview of the story is much less creepy than the details. Take it away, Delco Times!

Found in the vehicle were three bottles of Merlot; one four-pack of white Zinfandel wine; one four-pack white Merlot wine; a Christmas card for the mother he thought he was meeting, which contained a lottery ticket dated Jan. 12; one Hannah Montana CD wrapped in Christmas paper; one Hannah Montana video game wrapped in Christmas paper; Viagra; condoms; one Ziploc plastic bag containing condoms; KY warming jelly; and a disposable camera. [...] “When do you think she will be able to enjoy sex?” he asked, regarding the 9-year-old.

Ew. Anyway, this dude will probably die in jail or something, but nobody will care because, well, we don’t care about what happens to people once they’re in jail.

Helpful Thief Saves Children

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Hey, did you see the Simpsons movie? I thought it was pretty good; it was, essentially, a long decent Simpsons episode. It wasn’t the Monorail episode, but what is? It was funnier than I expected and I really enjoyed it. PW’s Matt Prigge wrote the movie separated the Simpsons family from the great other characters, which I’d agree with. (Line of the article: “What, no lines for Duffman?”)

But, yeah, I enjoyed it, I laughed a lot, etc. In other Simpsons movie news — Oh, the head? Yeah, I figured I didn’t need to write about it, since you’d have the same reaction everyone does when they see it for the first time: “OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!” That Bart costume should replace Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens as the defenders of atheism. Somebody just needs to wear that Bart head and say: “What God would allow this to exist?” Thought I guess God does have a sick sense of humor. (”Yeah, that awesome sex thing that makes you feel great? Well, you won’t be having any of it.”)

The abomination at right was being used by Becky’s Drive-In in Lehigh Township as a promotion for the Simpsons movie. (Apparently, they wanted to scare away customers.) Also, a drive-in movie theater? Is Lehigh Township in 1961? (Quick Googling reveals lots and lots of information on Becky’s Drive-In, including the location of the theater, “on Route 248 in Berlinsville, which is neglected on most roadmaps.”)

The newspaper that reported the story, The Morning Call in Allentown, is too classy to use a “D’oh!” while reporting the story, but does get a nice “Yoink!” in and the obligatory Nelson Muntz “Ha-ha!” and The Telltale Head references. But it doesn’t give the most likely explanation for the thievery: The “thief” was a modern day Robin Hood, only instead of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor he stole a giant freaky Bart head so children wouldn’t shit their pants in terror.

Losing the costume head will cost the Drive-In (or, their insurance company) $1,000. The article notes, though, that Lehigh Township is not a crime-ridden city: “It was the first time a costume — or anything of major value — had been stolen from the 61-year-old drive-in on Route 248.”

Ay, caramba! Thief makes off with Bart’s head [The Morning Call]

NBC 10 Unveils Creepiest T.O. Image Possible

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Ahh! What the hell is that? What perverted Photoshop filter did they used to get that effect? Get it away from me!

Send & Read Viewer T.O. Haiku Poems [NBC 10]